u/Green_Beans13

Me and my husband had my sister in law (SIL) over with their first kid age 3 (m). He was running around the house with little supervision my SIL was sitting on the couch and he grabbed a gaming controller and walked over to the sink and my SIL says “no” in a lazy way and proceeds to stay on the couch while the kid throws the controller in the sink with water in it and ruin it. We had no apology whatsoever and the kid wasn’t even punished for what happened we had to buy another controller for ourselves and was upset but couldn’t say anything because it would’ve started drama.

2 years later we had them over because we hired my brother to fix my bathroom wall. She brings over the kids 4 almost 5 (m) and 2 (f) and does the same thing by sitting on the couch and barely watching her own kids the almost 5 yo goes down the stairs and switches off the deep freezer (not unplugs it). We never realized anything until 3 days later and all our meat and food is spoiled hot and rotten including our wedding cake. My husband was super upset and had to clean everything I decided to post it in our family/friend group chat saying that the oldest kid turned off the freezer and that we don’t want the kids over for a bit. She didn’t respond but looked at the message so I messaged her personally more of the details saying

“My husband wants you guys to take responsibility as a parent and a friend of ours He wants an apology and does not want anything to happen at our house like that or anything gets damaged once they are allowed back. He and I both want respect I understand kids are kids but that’s not good enough excuse we will let you know when they are allowed back in our house.”

She replies

“I’m really emotional right now with everything going on I’m very hurt the way you guys went about this and I had to leave work early because of this message. I understand wanting to have respect we do have respect for you guys we will be giving some money when we do see you next to take responsibility for the damaged food. Another thing stuff like this is going to happen with kids u just don’t want you guys to take this out on them since they are at the age they don’t understand much we can’t promise something like this won’t happen again kids will be kids and stuff will get damaged so i can’t promise stuff won’t get damaged I think after this all of us just need a break from each other I won’t be going to any other events since this happened. With my hormones everywhere I’m going to say something that I shouldn’t I don’t want to ruin our friendship I hope you can understand my husband will come finish the bathroom alone. And he will have a conversation with you about this.”

I then said

“ I understand kids will be kids but I just feel nothing happens theres no discipline that happens.
And things like this happened before (the controller, your oldest ruined and unhooking the washer)
We are just annoyed that things keep happening and we dont get an apology or at least you guys giving them discipline.
Im also very emotional over this like i felt like if I didn't say anything you wouldn't have done anything about it.
Our relationship wont change but I just want the kids to be more watched and held accountable. We are going to be doing that with our kid. “

\- we are both pregnant she just found out and I’m 15 weeks. Not to mention we have get togethers every week and she still doesn’t supervise her kids they have tantrums in any spot and she considers that a time out they drag everything out of the cabinets and feed it to my puppy and destroys everything. My SIL let her kid also be in the bathroom while they were mudding the walls just telling him he can stay even tho he won’t listen about not touching anything.

Ps the oldest is possibly Autistic and doesn’t communicate very well but he understands but the parents say he can’t and won’t discipline him because of this. He’s also not even potty trained because they don’t want to patiently put in effort to train him.

AITAH for wanting to stand my ground but still keep a relationship with the family?

Me and my husband had my sister in law (SIL) over with their first kid age 3 (m). He was running around the house with little supervision my SIL was sitting on the couch and he grabbed a gaming controller and walked over to the sink and my SIL says “no” in a lazy way and proceeds to stay on the couch while the kid throws the controller in the sink with water in it and ruin it. We had no apology whatsoever and the kid wasn’t even punished for what happened we had to buy another controller for ourselves and was upset but couldn’t say anything because it would’ve started drama.

2 years later we had them over because we hired my brother to fix my bathroom wall. She brings over the kids 4 almost 5 (m) and 2 (f) and does the same thing by sitting on the couch and barely watching her own kids the almost 5 yo goes down the stairs and switches off the deep freezer (not unplugs it). We never realized anything until 3 days later and all our meat and food is spoiled hot and rotten including our wedding cake. My husband was super upset and had to clean everything I decided to post it in our family/friend group chat saying that the oldest kid turned off the freezer and that we don’t want the kids over for a bit. She didn’t respond but looked at the message so I messaged her personally more of the details saying

“My husband wants you guys to take responsibility as a parent and a friend of ours He wants an apology and does not want anything to happen at our house like that or anything gets damaged once they are allowed back. He and I both want respect I understand kids are kids but that’s not good enough excuse we will let you know when they are allowed back in our house.”

She replies

“I’m really emotional right now with everything going on I’m very hurt the way you guys went about this and I had to leave work early because of this message. I understand wanting to have respect we do have respect for you guys we will be giving some money when we do see you next to take responsibility for the damaged food. Another thing stuff like this is going to happen with kids u just don’t want you guys to take this out on them since they are at the age they don’t understand much we can’t promise something like this won’t happen again kids will be kids and stuff will get damaged so i can’t promise stuff won’t get damaged I think after this all of us just need a break from each other I won’t be going to any other events since this happened. With my hormones everywhere I’m going to say something that I shouldn’t I don’t want to ruin our friendship I hope you can understand my husband will come finish the bathroom alone. And he will have a conversation with you about this.”

I then said

“ I understand kids will be kids but I just feel nothing happens theres no discipline that happens.
And things like this happened before (the controller, your oldest ruined and unhooking the washer)
We are just annoyed that things keep happening and we dont get an apology or at least you guys giving them discipline.
Im also very emotional over this like i felt like if I didn't say anything you wouldn't have done anything about it.
Our relationship wont change but I just want the kids to be more watched and held accountable. We are going to be doing that with our kid. “

\- we are both pregnant she just found out and I’m 15 weeks. Not to mention we have get togethers every week and she still doesn’t supervise her kids they have tantrums in any spot and she considers that a time out they drag everything out of the cabinets and feed it to my puppy and destroys everything. My SIL let her kid also be in the bathroom while they were mudding the walls just telling him he can stay even tho he won’t listen about not touching anything.

Ps the oldest is possibly Autistic and doesn’t communicate very well but he understands but the parents say he can’t and won’t discipline him because of this. He’s also not even potty trained because they don’t want to patiently put in effort to train him.

AITAH for wanting to stand my ground but still keep a relationship with the family?