u/Greenforthou

My Fangan has a bit of a writing theme throughout the naming scheme of its chapter names. I just want to know if they sound intriguing or good enough.

Chapter 1: A hook without bait

Chapter 2: Fairytales of never-ending unsatisfaction and the hunger it brings

Chapter 3: A story with its ending climax torn out; abandon the book or read it anyway?

Chapter 4: Frustrations from the basic lines of others lives

Chapter 5: Blank Nightmare

Chapter 6: How one ends the last page

Danganronpa: Broken Halves

Hello! I am the creator and sole writer of Danganronpa: Broken Halves. The 1st draft to my stories prologue (which is 7 chapters total) is finish, and I want to get some feedback and thoughts on various aspects of the writing and stylistic decisions. More info regarding the prologue will be found on the doc itself.

Story: 15 students from the Pantheon of Gifted Bearers wake up to find all ways out covered in layers of concrete. All while someone from afar watches them.

Setting: A private school

Theme: There’s a few, but one of the early ones is personal bias and how it changes our judgment and moral standing. Along with discussions about how Infantilization and Demonization do to those who’ve endured one or both sides of that spectrum.

Availability: Either DM on reddit or join the server below and say “I want to read it” in my dms or the volunteering channel.

Proof: https://www.reddit.com/r/Fanganronpa/s/2GBUkih4YZ

Note: I'm open to anyone who wants to give it a chance and offer their words and help.

https://discord.gg/gFPrndPcE

My fangan story is gonna be primarily writing with a good chunk of narration, along with the once-in-a-blue moon visual aid.
So to explain what I mean in the title: All the chapters ARE written in first person, technically.

There are 2 types of chapter writing styles this fangan will have:

One of them is being squarely locked onto whatever character(s) we’re following that chapter in 1st person. With the prose changing to fit what their personality and priorities around them. Sometimes they’re very clinical and minimal with limited verbal thoughts. Sometimes they’re a complete yapper, and every single piece of narration in their chapter is every single unfiltered thought in their little noggin. All the main character focused chapters and many other characters are done this way.

The second style is us following one specific character, also in first person. However, they are watching the events unfold from somewhere else, and are narrating them as they happen to an audio recorder. So it’s someone’s we follow in first-person, narrating the events they want to follow, to us the “listener”, in the third person. Sometimes they’re playing a birds-eyes view narrator looking for anything interesting happening and speaking their mind. Sometimes they’re following a specific character around for a day to tell you how much they hate them and how they hope they get killed next.

Jury’s still out on the exact split between these types of chapters it’ll be. But I’m forecasting a 70/30 split with what my outline has so far.

Now, even though I called it unorthodox in the title, a fangan I haven’t seen has probably done this before. But the more popular fangans I’ve seen definitely stick closer to how the official games do it.

I’m primarily doing it this way because I found out it’s the most enjoyable way for to actually write this story. And if I’m not enjoying actually writing it, then why would anyone else enjoy reading it, ya know?

Thought it’d be interesting to try this out. To see what kind of questions I’d get hit with and whether I’m able to answer or not. Depending on the question I will be varying levels of vague.

If you want you can also just list a bunch you want to ask so no one bloats the comments.

There’s a little more necessary context to this situation I’m presenting, so please listen to this before giving ur thoughts:

So we do examine a body in this investigation. However, the mascot allegedly claims that the body is in someway unavailable for the students to properly inspect. So the mascots prepares a completely new fresh body (of someone unfamiliar and completely unrelated) in a place the group thought the victim was, along with the same alleged wounds/cause of death as the student who actually died/disappeared.

The investigation and trial is focused on the timeline of events for a victim they do not know the current location of, along with discussions of why a mock body was prepared instead of just letting the supposed victim rot in secret, if they are dead.

Compelling character relationship and dynamics are what make any story worth reading, and danganronpa is no exception to this.

So if you have any standout relationships between two or more of your characters, whether it lasts the entire story or just a chapter, very simple or take twenty pages long to explain, I’d like to hear it.

There’s alot of talk here about the trials, daily life, and investigations of one’s fangan; But how one’s story of their fangan actually ends is pretty sparse. Understandable due to it being the most spoilery part, and typically features aspects that just make it its own beast to handle (at least going by the mainline and finished fangans). Regardless, I think it’s something worth talking about due to just how different they can be for each individual fangan. Whether in the specifics or just in how it’ll function.

For my own personal fangan as an example, the ending chapter all revolves around this nebulous truth said by a now dead character that would apparently “ruin the game on the spot” if revealed. No one in the cast knows how or why this would be the case. But at this point they’re essentially being hunted down due to plot reasons, so figuring out whatever this “truth” is the only semblance of a plan they have on surviving. Most similar to v3 if I had to compare, with even the ending itself being very bittersweet and large aspects left ambiguous.

His persuasion mini-game right after the route split is the thing I always keep coming back to whenever I hear people share their good or bad feelings for how he acts this route. Even while I was playing the route this moment kept coming back to whenever he was focused on.

Imo, this instance of the mini-game is probably the 2nd best time this it’s used, after Kakos, to demonstrate the target’s character. And that’s mainly due to how piss easy it is to complete. Takemaru was easily goaded into getting other students into this game through the simplest manipulation tactic possible, to the point where it feels like a joke. So when things start going to hell, holding a grudge against the guy who personally tricked you into getting the others to agree to the killing game was always a no brainer to me.

Like, the Takemaru persuasion mini-game wasn’t just added here to pad the already long KG route. It was put there so we, the player, personally manipulate Takemaru into a situation that threatens to kill all of them. So him being the one to hold out the longest in the “takumi sucks” camp just always made sense. Hate it or love it, the writing intent for him was clear even before the killing game started.

So what I’m asking for help with is story ideas/rule tweaks for this system of my fangan. Generally interesting scenarios with what’s laid out below. As while I’ve already got some big possibilities regarding it that I won’t be sharing, I just want to know if there are more possibilities scenarios with this I’m missing. Either through the results of this system, or by a character trying to weasel a way around its rules that I didn’t anticipate. So I can add them into later chapters or change the rules so they can’t happen.

Tl:dr, I’m asking y’all to be a bug tester for this written work. Ok, now onto the actual contents:

So my fangan style of motives distribution is its own beast, as it’s always a factor all throughout the game. And it’s always the same thing presented by the mascot instead of a contestant influx of motives like in the actual games.

The killing game has a daily raffle system for students to write out and submit requests to the “Raffle Cauldron” for items, location, or even rules to be added to the game. There’s alot to it, so I’ll just post the full ruleset given to the students themselves:

1. The raffle occurs everyday in the auditorium at exactly 9:am, and it will end either when an eligible request is pulled by Maligien or when the Raffle Cauldron is emptied. If any requests are put into the Raffle Cauldron during this period, they will be immediately discarded.
2. Once a raffle is complete, all requests still in the Raffle Cauldron will be removed and new requests can then be accepted.
3. The written contents of any request drawn will only be disclosed in-person at the auditorium, if specified in an drawn eligible request, or listed on the “requests” section of your tablet after a class trial.
4. Each student can put in 1 request per day in the Raffle Cauldron. 
5. If the request drawn is eligible and not given a specific time to complete it, then Maligien will fulfill the request at the first possible opportunity.
6. If Maligien pulls an ineligible request, then it will be discarded and another will be drawn. This will continue until an eligible request is pulled or the Raffle Cauldron is emptied.
7. Any previously fulfilled requests or requests similar to previously fulfilled ones will be considered ineligible if requested again.
8. If a student attempts to put in multiple requests paper into the Raffle Cauldron in a single day, only the first one to enter will be considered. If the first request to enter cannot be determined, then all their requests will be considered ineligible that day.
9. If a student’s request has multiple different requests in its writing, then only the first one written will be considered by Maligien.
10. Any attempts to remove requests from the Raffle Cauldron is prohibited. Any student who does so will be added to the Juvenile List and any requests of theirs that day will be ineligible.
11. Any request from students on the Juvenile List will have any request they submit ignored unless no other eligible requests are available that raffle.
12. The raffle rules will be revised and added to as situations not considered in the rules occur. 
13. So long as the student’s intent of their request is clear and discernible by Maligien, any writing mistakes in their written request are ignored and forgiven.

Also not stated in this section of the rules (since it’s applied more in the general rules): you get removed off the “Juvenile List” after each trial, it ain’t permanent.

Also also, things “not eligible” are mostly the obvious things: no “kill X student” or “let us leave” requests, along with really specific items, like trophies from celebrities or items no one from the school would have. There’s no written list of what is or isn’t eligible, students just find out as the raffles occur. And for an example of rule 7: If a single student asks for a message chair, a later request for a message chair, for one or even every student, would be denied.

And for a small list of possible things that can be requested for your reference (most of this stuff is not done in the actual story, just some examples):

• If two specific characters are apart, they’ll be punished.
•All running water is disable except for a specific characters faucet.
•Gain temporary access to a faraway school facility usually blocked off during the killing game.
•An entire characters history written up and left in a specific character’s room.
•If anyone stubs their toe, Maligien will announce it to everyone over the intercom.
•Other students from the school can come into the killing game and treat the students, like the Ultimate dentist doing a check-up and rinsing, or the Ultimate bartender making a drink for each student.
•If a specific character feels insulted by what you said, you will be punished.
•All school lights are off until a trial is completed.
•Toll system paid in blood if you want access to a specific room.
•Twenty sleeping bags

This thing is the prime cause of most the casts problems/drama. Slowly turning into a nice feature to make their lives trapped smoother with personal items and nice conveniences, into a pot of nightmares that can suddenly turn their situation into hell at a moments notice. With the worst part being it wasn’t the doll that wanted that hell, but one of them. And despite someone becoming a guard for the Raffle Cauldron 24/7 so they know exactly what’s going in the pot. A few bad actors determined to screw everyone over, to either help them in the trial or for their own reasons, will find a way no matter how difficult.

So for everyone in my cast, I have a solid grasp for how they look, and am generally satisfied with it. However one character has just kinda existed in a, “fine, but I want to get back to you.”, category for the longest time. And whenever I go back to them, I just draw a blank with what else to do with him (with one exception I’ll talk about later). So I’m asking here. Also I’m not an artist, I just dot down colors with descriptions of what the heck they’re suppose to be wearing.

I’ll give a brief rundown of the general style for my characters, this specific characters characteristics, then what I currently have for him design wise:

General style:

Most of the characters are quite simple in their design, either wearing something casual or professional for them, depending on their character. Also accessories are limited, with only a few decked out as a show of their character. Some characters are much more intricate in their design, like a princess in a lite-straight-jacket, or a cowboy wearing what’d you expect; but those are a minority.

The problem characters character:

Mason Higgins is the Ultimate Tattoo Artist. He is a junior at the Ultimate private school the cast attends, which is quite surprising considering he absolutely despises his own talent. You’re more likely to be mocked and be made miserable by Mason than to actually get a tattoo from him. But the few pieces he begrudgingly make are so stunning that his skills are undeniable. Whenever he’s not in class he’s somewhere where no can bother him, as he’d rather be anywhere else than near other people. He also is a complete wall in his behavior, as nothing can break him from just being a jack-ass when around other people.

In the game itself he doesn’t even take it seriously, believing it all to be one big experiment every but him is in on. But when he feels threatened, he gets really nasty. He also never showers during the death game because you can only do so with the public gym showers, which he refuses to do.

Mason’s design:

One aspect I’m 100% on is this big, puffy coat. It’s one color, but stitched in a square pattern. And he’s always wearing it, because underneath he’s basically skin and bones.

The rest of his design is pretty dull imo, just a generic anime boy with nothing pointing to his personality or even the talent he hates: Green eyes and short green hair with yellow highlights. All of his clothes are black because I’m pretty sure I couldn’t figure out a color pallet for him. And finally he has headphones, which I do not remember the reason for adding.

This kids design has been this way for literal years and I desperately need an updated design to imagine this brat as, any help is appreciate.

Ash Aserberry, the Ultimate Writer, is NOT the legal name and title of my main lead. She makes this up moments after waking up due to a baseless idea she arrives at after 1 conversation. However, once the mascot affirms her lie by changing the profile to match what her claim her name and title was. This name is then what’s she’s called for a majority of the story, both due to embarrassment and the sunk-cost fallacy of such a lie. Aspen Mangrove, the Ultimate Editor, is the actual name and title of our lead (which you would learn quickly after she lies, as she can’t internally shut up about anything).

Now as that introduction might imply, Ash is a bit of an impulsive girl. If an idea pops into her head that sounds tempting in anyway and there’s no social pressure to stop her, she will go for it. Which is almost always when you’re isolated from the outside world. And whether it’s actually good or bad for her is always a coin flip.

She has long light brown, nearly platinum looking hair; with a bit of baby hair poking down on her forehead. She’s got amber eyes and a 1000 yard stare into space 70% of the time. She wears a white oversized undershirt and a dark green jacket that has a fluffy hood collar and cuffs. Finally pajama pants that are too bleached out for anyone to notice the massive pattern of cats on it, with some worn out sneakers to keep the long leg cuffs from dragging against the floor. She’s also quite pale, not ghostly looking, but it’s clear sunlight is a choice she says no to most days.

She’s one of the youngest and most emotionally stunted in the cast at the start. So her behavior can become quite erratic as the stress of the situation piles up. She takes great pride in her work, as writing is one of the few things she enjoys doing.

Besides two students she immediately imprints on, she has a distaste or even distain for most of the other students due to their more “independent titles”. As their upon titles inherently place their accomplishments and their own doing, whereas Ash is all too used to fighting tooth and nail to get others to recognize that she’s making whatever piece of writing she gets her hands on good, not the other way around. So being surrounded and stuck with people who have likely never had to struggle with this issue frustrates her. This frustration is only seen internally though, barring a few exceptions. To most of the other students, Ash is just some quiet girl who looks out of it most of the time.

In the death game, she tends to isolate herself from the group. Ash will be cordial if she’s accidentally trips into an interaction, but the moment her patience runs out she will start getting aggressive. She also has the memory of a goldfish for nearly everything and has to keep notes on her tablets writing app to remember literally anything, including most other characters names. Most the cast just elects to ignore her and let her be alone, as the students who try to get her to do anything are either ignored by her, or they get into a fight if they really try to be insistent with her.

But even with all that, her performance in the trial is excellent. As her work as an editor for drama, mystery, and thriller novel/web novels almost always consisted of making sense of the intent of a scene, or point out and pulling connections together for better cohesion. So she’s just about the best in puzzling the order of events or strange oddities at the crime scene.

With Ash, I try to keep a balance of motivations/personality relevant to the setting in an interesting way, but also someone who can be a bit hard to handle with the second-hand embarrassment anyone would get from watching her just do and say the worst things she could, especially at the very start.

Any ideas or thoughts about Ash are appreciated!