Please don’t sugarcoat it, just tell it how it is. First two are from a week or two ago, the second two are from right now. Will delete in the morning.
Hiya~
I’m not really an egg, but I don’t really know where else to post this. I’m trans and I’ve known for a really long time. There were times in my early childhood where I silently wished I could be a girl, but I didn’t really put a label on what that was. I dunno, guess I thought I’d grown into being a man. Newsflash: I didn’t.
This year, I’m 17 now, I had a mental health crisis and was hospitalized for a week. I came out to my parents and started the very long and lengthly process of trans healthcare in the US. Thing is, both my parents are incredibly conservative. They’re loving, my Mom way more than my Dad, but they’re not exactly on board with the whole idea. I was pulled out of therapy after she recommended I see someone who specializes in trans issues bc I mentioned I wanted to start HRT more than anything, now I’m on the wait-list with a psychologist that my parents “approve of,” which basically means someone who won’t hear me out on my gender stuff.
I’ve been slowly socially transitioning since late February almost entirely online. I’ve been voice training, using she/her pronouns around my friends, and doing girly stuff behind closed doors like wearing certain clothes or acting fem. I’m so happy, like for the first time in my life, actually HAPPY when I do things like that. Then… then I have to come to terms with reality. I look in the mirror and get nauseous. Sometimes throw up if I stare at myself, just thinking of all the stuff I did while looking like this, like a man. I hate it. I feel like a predator. I don’t deserve to be a woman because I’m not one, at least, not yet. I’m struggling to cope with life, just the thought of going through life as a man makes the pit in my chest a little bigger. Do any of y’all have any advice? Thanks. (Kristen | She/Her)
edits: autocorrect mistakes