All About Me
Okay well not all about me …
So I just came on Reddit, and I do find it very interesting, so many topics, discussions, people communicating with each other.
Years ago I journaled, pretty raw because no one was going to read it. Over the years I had a mound of notebooks, that in truth I found hard to read at times, my whining at how things weren’t going my way, and so on. Then
a thought came ‘ some day me my sons are going to read this!’ It wouldn’t go away, but then another voice said ‘ you won’t be here! this is you, it’s your life!’ It took almost a year for, maybe pride? embarrassment? won out and I tore them in pieces and through in a tied bag into a dumpster. Then I had a bit of worry than a dumpster diver might put some pages together and read about my sorry life. I know, I know, a bit to much time in my head. Anyway when I wrote it was helpful - putting whatever down on a page somehow made it all a little bit better.
So in that spirit I thought I’d do it again, well a version of it. Talk about where I’m at, where others are too.
I live in Winnipeg, Canada - legendary for our cold winters, and for being a country full of nice people. I’m 71 years old, retired for about 10 years. A lifelong runner , 5 miles a day, ran a 3:20 Boston Marathon (proud because of all the training and perseverance required) Life changed on my 71 birthday when I suffered a stroke, the strangest experience I’ve ever had. In hindsight I was very lucky that the blood clot in my brain cleared itself before they used some kind really small wire into my head via a camera to break it up. Surreal. I semi woke up in the acute stroke unit where the noise and activity kept me awake for most of 4 days - I’m not kidding no sleep. Food was 2 ice cream scoops of something, and alternating being cold and uncomfortable. As well I the experience of having a catheter, everything you’ve heard about this is true. On the third night I began to hear voices - the nurses were planning my death because of something I had done, which to be fair was a bit much, considering things I had done weren’t great but in my state seemed real non the less. Next morning I told myself I am out of here. The nurses and aides, un used to patients walking out of the stroke tried a few things to make me stay, including calling my ex-wife who was still my emergency contact (who thinks about changing that?) From her I got ‘ what are you crazy?’ That of course was rhetorical.
So I went home, slept for a day then regrouped. I live alone and have for about 14 years. Of course my ex ( we have become friends the last few years, we need a new name for these relationships, they are different from friends, they’ve seen you at your very worst ) and kids all don’t want me to be alone, I’m not at my best at defending myself, but in the end prevail. Going to
the grocery store, just out in general is challenging. Lights, people, sounds everything is louder, I somehow just power through, but I don’t know what’s happening. Google with its AI becomes my new best friend. I google ‘after a stroke’ then ask my question. I learn I have brain fog - good words to explain it. I get a letter saying I have a neurologist appointment in a little more than 3 months! How’s that possible? You have a life threatening medical event and I’m seeing not seeing a specialist like this week? I’m being punished for leaving the hospital! Must be they decided I knew better than doctors, so they let me recover by myself. There is smidgen of truth to that, but really it’s there to many sick people, not enough doctors. Jumping ahead when I did see the neurologist it was an underwhelming 15 minutes. If he was offered money, I’ll bet couldn’t come up with name after I left. I did however talk a few times to a nurse for neurology-she was wonderful. It is so true nurses do not get the credit they deserve. My symptoms improved dramatically over the months, I’m now feeling mostly recovered. But I can’t run because …. drum roll, while in hospital an MRI that showed I had a 5 cm aortic aneurysm. Not sure I could even spell the word. Again google, as long it’s not your primary doctor, was very helpful.I saw a cardiac surgeon, and older gentleman, no judgement on being old, I’m old, but with this? Hmmm not to so sure.Told me they will check it out in 2 years. I’m not a doctor, sometimes I wonder how smart I really am but I have questions. Oh and he said sure you can run. My regular doc raises his eyebrows but adheres to the code of not throwing others in his tribe under the bus. He does get me a CT scan, which I just had. I’ll find out I in few weeks if this thing has grown. Other than that I’m living my life which consists of TV and books, I’m pretty ok with that, but I should put more effort to
see friends. Anyway this was fun , see if it has legs time for my warm milk 😎