AITAH for abandoning my partner in front of the clinic when they were showing potential signs of a clot?
Tonight my partner suddenly needed medical attention, so I immediately offered to drive them.
Earlier in the day they had express challenges because they felt excluded by some messages I’d posted in a group chat about music and an afterparty which they can’t attend.
While I was driving them to get medical care, they brought the topic up again and became increasingly upset. They repeatedly told me my messages were unkind and exclusionary since they can’t come to the after party. I stayed calm because I didn’t want to escalate things while driving, I mostly said “ok thanks for sharing how you feel.”
But the conversation kept intensifying. They were asking me questions “don’t you think it’s excluding me to talk about the after party” and when I started to answer they were interrupting me constantly. I didn’t have the GPS, nor knew where I was going and they became distracted so we kept turning in circles. They then started to shout directions like “take the fucking right”, swearing at me, and yelling loudly while I was trying to drive.
At one point I physically recoiled against the car window because of how intense it had become.
I kept asking if we could use constructive language and focus on direction but was ignored.
They ended up blaming me for going in circles because they were too escalated to look at the GPS and apparently I should have used my phone (i had given them my phone because I was driving their car and they don’t have a phone mount).
I asked several times for calmer communication because I was trying to drive safely. They later said they never heard those requests.
Eventually I reached a point where I no longer felt safe continuing the interaction, so I pulled over, gave them the keys back (it was their car), wished them well, and took a taxi home.
They later ended up going to hospital by ambulance and are now saying the most frightening part of the night was that I “abandoned” them during a medical crisis and completely withdrew connection once things became emotionally difficult.
They say people should not need to communicate perfectly during a medical emergency in order to still receive care and support from a partner.
From my perspective, being distressed does not make it acceptable to scream at someone who is driving, swear at them, overwhelm them, and create an unsafe situation on the road.
AITA?
Edit: (24h later): wow thanks for all the insights on both sides. I’ve been reflecting a lot.
My partner disappeared for 26h until 1 am this morning when they texted that they spent a full 24h in hospital and had just got home.
A big discussion will come next. I appreciate all the constructive feedback and the different angles provided here.
Update: 48h later
They were treated for a stroke. But the doc eventually eliminated that hypothesis.