u/Grouchy-Jaguar-4704

Tumeachana. We would do it even during that time and paint the towels and curtains because he was a Man U fan.

Despite him not being endowed, I still stroked his ego and his head. But one random day kijana Mluhya akamisbehave. Alisema anawatch World Cup from 9:30 p.m. Friday hadi Saturday. He never reached out, kupiga simu gaidi haishiki.

Borrowed a phone kupiga, behold, nigga akashika. All I could utter was, "Kwenda huko, ng'ombe hii!" I hung up, sent a breakup text, but I didn't even use the 2 inches against him. Then I blocked him everywhere.

I overreacted, yes, but I have shut that door, na nimeachana na wanaume. Do Catholic nuns take in hoes that want to reform? 😂

I used to despise him and even called him a b**. One night, I hit him. Huyo mlevi wangu aliniona World War 3. Heshima ikadumu ,I have marks from that day. To this day, I can't dare talk back or point a finger at a nigga.

Eventually, we broke up. But every time I wanted to punish him whenever he came home drunk and passed out on the couch, I'd open the windows for the mosquitoes to feast on him, uncover him, and let him catch a cold by morning.

Dear sis, don't think you can beat a man. I learned that the hard way.

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We were flirting and getting a little intimate. I told him I was wet and horny, and he said, "Let me see." I dipped my fingers and lifted them to show him, but guess what? Girl, they came out red. It got awkward. I checked my sheets, and sure enough, they were stained red. We both hung up. Damn! 😭😂

I was married to one. I didn't know he was part-time doing shady things. The first person to ever propose to me with a ring was my ghetto boy, in our simple bedsitter. A little later, he moved me to a fancy one-bedroom apartment in Thika. He loved me.

When we'd go to clubs, his crew would surround me like security. Even the bouncers would give me respect like I was the boss lady. My biggest worry was never him cheating,it was him ending up dead.

Every time I called and he wasn't available, I'd panic. One day he narrowly escaped mob justice. He insisted he was innocent. I never saw any stolen items, but he always had money. He maintained that he wasn't a thief.

Unfortunately, I had to leave him because I didn't want that life. Every day he'd come home with a new injury,a dent here, a broken tooth there. It was exhausting.

His mom even begged me to leave him with our little junior, hoping that seeing his son would make him reform. I did, and I moved on.

These days I hear the kid he's all grown up, doing much better, and the dad is finally on the right track.

So, Kangethe, what do you mean when you say you're not a simp? 🤣

I heard if you worried on sleeping with people on frst date esp crushes wear a torn underwear or dirty one that way you will be conscious of temptations no matter what...

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

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My brother and I were heading to a certain building on official errands. I grabbed his bag and we left. While paying our fare in the Super Metro, I noticed a shiny metal object inside the bag. I was like, "Hold up!"

I handed the bag back to my brother. He looked inside and immediately froze. It was a bullet. He's in the military ,he had no idea whose it was, so he quickly took it and dropped it under the seat.

By accident, we could have walked into a bank with it, and that would have been a completely different story. Since then, I've stopped taking his stuff because, weh... you never know what you might find! 😅

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Casually scrolling through WhatsApp, I came across his ruracio photos. Probed further and found out he had actually gotten married. I broke down and asked him, “So who’s going to put fingers in your ass now?” 😭 He said he had “finished that phase.”

Two weeks later, I get a call from him at 5 a.m. All I could hear were moans, then a text followed: “I’m fcking my virgin wife. I know you love the kink, you can listen 😄”

Later he comes back talking about, “Weh, tebu let’s get a dildo, nikubaya. I don’t know how to tell her to use fingers.” I was like, “So I was the side piece?” He says, “She’ll think I’m gay.” 😭

I told him, “But that’s kinda gay anyway.” Meanwhile the poor girl has no idea what she married. This man is a whole menace.

Most bizarre part? He likes calling his crazy exes while having sex so they can sit there and listen… like I did. All this for noodle dick? 😭 It doesn't even get hard vizuri But who’s dick-shaming dick in 2026?

It was our first time meeting after months of long-distance dating. We booked a bnb, and everything was going well. I was sitting on him, kissing here and there, then we decided tupeane mechi 😭. Kumbe, the moment I got up, I had started my period without even realizing it. His trousers were stained brown and red 💀.

It was honestly embarrassing and awkward. I told him I’d wash the zip area, but guys, it somehow made the stains even worse 😭. Surprisingly, he didn’t make it a big deal. He just said twende streets tu buy sweatpants. The whole time alikuwa ameficha the stained part with his sweater.

When we got back, things continued, and he didn’t even mind that I was on my period. To summarize the whole ordeal, the towel ended up painted red during checkout 💔😭. At least I tried washing it before leaving.

PSA: don’t use Airbnb or hotel towels to wipe your face or private parts. It’s gross 🤢.

Niko na swali: are most men here okay?

I’ve interacted with some anonymously and others personally, and we’ve even made bussiness deals.

Today, I posted a political status whatsap and was called stupid. He even said my mom is ugly and Mimi ni maskini,I come from a really good family btw ,says a guy mwenye Ako hosted, completely unprovoked. My jaw is on the floor because this is the same guy who shot his shot and I turned him down.

We’ve done consultations here and there za biz, .some of the things men say and do are honestly unbelievable.

What is wrong with most niggas here??, and mind you this is not the frst case ya messy fall out with redditors ,ukinyimwa kasusu unatusi mtu Bure.

Wewe mkora, najua utaona hii. But I’m settling the score not today, and not tomorrow, but I will....thts a promise

I think I’ve cracked a code for us ladies.

When hooking up, try slipping a finger into his butt and squeezing a little. The G-spot is only about 4 inches in anyway.

I’ve experimented with this twice, and both times I ended up getting spoiled. Suddenly they started sending money randomly, showing up with flowers, and treating me way better.

I went from being given KSh 100 bob fare to getting an average of KSh 5,000 from average earners,kumbe broke men can pay for what feels like very minimal effort. All that from a little rimming and butt play?

At this point, I’m wondering if I should start charging. 😂now I get wat those city girls do si mungesema!

That’s what I was worried about,,my legs were ashy and dry, and it was all such an emergency.

I fell while hanging curtains and went into labor. I was almost due anyway, so at the hospital they said a normal delivery was not possible and scheduled me for a C-section.

As the nurse was shaving my “meow,” I told her I had already shaved. She looked at me and said, “Like kama kuku” 😂 Anyway, she added, “Don’t worry, we’ve seen it all.”

When they took the baby out, they said, “It’s a boy, look!” I was like, “I know had done 3 scans please check again.” Sure enough he was a boy.

Later, one of the doctors asked if they could use my body to teach some students. I was so exhausted and under anesthesia that I just said, “Sure.”

At one point, I could feel them poking me with needles, and I heard someone being told, “That’s too deep.” Even in my half-asleep state, I was thinking, “What is going on?” 😅

Despite all the chaos, it was one of the most unforgettable moments of my life.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the amazing moms out there. ❤️

Happened to me twice. These Gen Zs, 19 and 20 years old, came looking for a job. Personally, I don’t go too deep during interviews , I mainly focus on competency, customer care, discipline, and whether they seem safe to work with.

Two months in, I get a call from their school only to realize it was supposed to be an attachment, not an actual job 💀. I was like, “WTF?” Then it all started making sense , I had noticed some gaps in their skills, but brushed it off thinking they’d catch up with time.

I can’t even lie, the boldness to pull that off is wild 😭

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Talking stage got bold and started with the “send me view once Nini nini stuff. Saw pics and weh I jokingly asked, “Wait… how many inches are you?” 😭

He goes, “Honestly, I’m just 4. You okay with that?”

By then he had already sent me some M-Pesa and some other gifts so I was like, “It’s fine.”

Fast forward to the match… guys, let me be honest 😭 it was rough. I’m curvy and had to spread my cheeks just for him to get in it wasn't 4 it was 2 . But his skills were actually good. Sometimes you just accept people as they are God must have punished this one