u/Guilty-Thing-3272

I met this guy on Facebook last year. He’s 28 and I’m 25. He courted me for 3 months. During that time, he was everything I was looking for. Family oriented, hardworking, kind, attractive, and very consistent.

He never made me uncomfortable or disrespected me. He introduced me to his family early on, and over time, I became close to them too. He always made time for me, traveled 3 hours just to see me, took me on dates, gave me gifts, and genuinely made me feel loved. Sometimes he would drive all that way just so we could have a meal together. Honestly, he treated me so well that I sometimes joked he was too much of a green flag.

A few months into the relationship, I found out that he had been married before. This led to a huge fight because from the very beginning, I told him that lying was one thing I could never tolerate. Eventually, I forgave him because he explained that they were already divorced, and I believed people can learn from their past mistakes.

After that, our relationship continued normally. We got even more serious, talked about marriage, and both of our families were supportive of us. I genuinely saw a future with him.

Then recently, while stalking his sister’s Instagram highlights, I found old photos from 2021 under a “Family” highlight. There were baby pictures with the caption “Proud Aunt,” and my boyfriend was tagged.

My heart dropped.

I confronted him, and that’s when he admitted that he has a child.

We both ended up crying during the conversation. He’s asking me for another chance, and honestly, I don’t know what to do.

What hurts me the most is not that he was married before or that he has a child. It’s the fact that these are huge parts of his life that I had to discover myself instead of hearing them from him.

The hardest part is that aside from those things, he has been a genuinely good partner. We update each other constantly, video call almost all day, share locations, and he’s always been present and consistent. I’ve met his family many times, and they’ve always been incredibly welcoming. They even told me that they’ve seen a lot of positive changes in him since we got together.

To be clear, I never had to teach him how to love me. He naturally put in effort, treated me well, and constantly pushed himself to become a better man, not just for me, but for himself too.

That’s why I’m so conflicted.

Part of me feels betrayed because he hid two life changing truths from me. Another part of me sees the man he has been throughout our relationship and the love and effort he has consistently shown.

This is my first serious relationship, and I genuinely love him. But I don’t know if love is enough when trust has been damaged this badly.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did you stay? Were you able to rebuild trust after finding out something this major?

I met this guy on Facebook last year. He’s 28 and I’m 25. He courted me for 3 months before we became officially together. During that time, he was everything I was looking for. Family oriented, hardworking, kind, attractive, and very consistent.

He never made me uncomfortable or disrespected me. He introduced me to his family early on, and over time, I became close to them too. He always made time for me, traveled 3 hours just to see me, took me on dates, gave me gifts, and genuinely made me feel loved. Sometimes he would drive all that way just so we could have a meal together. Honestly, he treated me so well that I sometimes joked he was too much of a green flag.

A few months into the relationship, I found out that he had been married before. This led to a huge fight because from the very beginning, I told him that lying was one thing I could never tolerate. Eventually, I forgave him because he explained that they were already divorced, and I believed people can learn from their past mistakes.

After that, our relationship continued normally. We got even more serious, talked about marriage, and both of our families were supportive of us. I genuinely saw a future with him.

Then recently, while stalking his sister’s Instagram highlights, I found old photos from 2021 under a “Family” highlight. There were baby pictures with the caption “Proud Aunt,” and my boyfriend was tagged.

My heart dropped.

I confronted him, and that’s when he admitted that he has a child.

We both ended up crying during the conversation. He’s asking me for another chance, and honestly, I don’t know what to do.

What hurts me the most is not that he was married before or that he has a child. It’s the fact that these are huge parts of his life that I had to discover myself instead of hearing them from him.

The hardest part is that aside from those things, he has been a genuinely good partner. We update each other constantly, video call almost all day, share locations, and he’s always been present and consistent. I’ve met his family many times, and they’ve always been incredibly welcoming. They even told me that they’ve seen a lot of positive changes in him since we got together.

To be clear, I never had to teach him how to love me. He naturally put in effort, treated me well, and constantly pushed himself to become a better man, not just for me, but for himself too.

That’s why I’m so conflicted.

Part of me feels betrayed because he hid two life changing truths from me. Another part of me sees the man he has been throughout our relationship and the love and effort he has consistently shown.

This is my first serious relationship, and I genuinely love him. But I don’t know if love is enough when trust has been damaged this badly.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did you stay? Were you able to rebuild trust after finding out something this major?

EDIT:

These past few days we were good like it’s been months since our huge fight but idk I can’t sleep properly. My head hurts and even if we are okay there’s something in my heart that I can feel and can’t explain. And this happened. That’s why he was also so good to me.

I just talked to him. His family tried to push him to be honest with me. But he got scared because I might not accept him. The girl she got pregnant ran away, didn’t have permanent address. He can’t contact the girl and the family because he was blocked by all. He said he tried to find them. It happened 4yrs ago in his province. (We met in our town far away which is his hometown as well far away from his province). That’s why there’s no baby in their house or even in a family related on their neighborhood. He also show me they’re divorce papers. Maybe that’s why he was so confident about his sharing his location and all.

But I’m still hurt with all the lies. Maybe I would accept it if he was being honest with me from the very beginning. I’m sorry that I forgave him when I knew that he was married and got divorced. I just really love him. He is the only guy who made me feel so loved with all of my flaws. Thank you for all of the advice. I’m breaking up with him. Please pray for my healing.