u/Gwafu

Hi, just want to vent out.

Just ended a 9.8333 years relationship compeletely. We had cooled off earlier this year, officially broken up last week, and all feelings I had went poof just today.

These are all in my view.

I went abroad last year to raise our financial capacity. The plan was for her to apply to comapnies here so she can follow. As a last resort, we were to be wed so she can follow through a spousal visa. She was agreeing to this all, had a tearful goodbye at the airport, she vowed to follow me at the soonest.

I was planning to marry her already before I got a job offer here. I was even caught looking at moissanite rings in Instagram cause i cant afford a diamond one at the time. She was genuinely okay with it, even remarking that I should just get a cheapest one, wed at the city hall, and go guns blazing at our honeymoon. She didnt pry further cause she was looking forward to my proposal plan and be surprised with what ring I have chosen.

We never had sex - both oral (she was adamantly against it as she considered the crotch organs as dirty for oral activities) and including penetration. She was adamant that sex would be one of our ultimate gifts to each other. I didnt push further as I respected that, though we had over-the-top masturbational things haha. She always told me that our first times was for each other, and she always jokingly told me not to break this when I was deployed to far jobsites for some weeks at a previous job.

We didnt get married during this time as she was the sole breadwinner of her family, vowing to at least fund the studies until college graduation of two of her siblings. Covid happened. Medical stuff happened. Financial troubles. We moved 3-4 times to gradually bigger apartments as we got promoted in our corpo jobs. Her breadwinner duties ended in 2024 so I was looking forward to moving a wedding.

We never had issues regarding cheating or any major fighting moments. We communicated what we want, we set our boundaries at each other, told each other if we are not comfortable or happy, had mostly joyful moments watching reels, collecting useless stuff, watching films, going to dates in loose baggy clothes, laughing at our failed startups lol.

Fast forward first quarter last year, I got an offer to work abroad, good money, though big expenses as well for some fees and buying luggages and stuff.

Our LDR was a probably typical, we greet eachother morning, lunch, dinner, talk/video call at nights until fall asleep. Celebrated her birthday, valentjnes, and 9th anniversary with a video call, and surprise sending her flowers at our apartment.

Fast forward again after nine months being LDR, she wanted us to cool off. The reason was that she knew I was going to marry her as soon as I had a vacation approved - but she wanted to explore other things. In short she, wasnt ready yet.

I begged for her to reconsider. We did continue still being labelled as a couple but there was a noticeable drop of effort and attention from her. I may also have slowed down my contacts as well as I got gut punched by that proposal to cool off. - but I noticed that she wasnt always looking at my messages, at our family GCs, she was taking ages to reply. Updates went rare. Food pics had become one sided from me. Going to MoA and malls became increasingly common.

Last week, after four months of telling me we should cool off, she dropped the line that we should really split up, that she really wanted to explore other things. I accepted it to let her go but we agreed to have our doors open. I reitarated that doing the deed with someone else would be a dealbreaker for me if we ever come back together. She acknowledged it as we have pledged before to each other. I prod into the "exploration" of hers and she said its basically physical intimacy, the want for it.

Gullible me thought she just wanted the physicsl dates, hugs, and kisses. Oh hell no.

She just admitted earlier this day (after a week of breaking up with me) that she already met with multiple men (through facebook groups and telegram) and already had a bodycount. SINCE SHE TOLD ME SHE WANTED US TO COOL-OFF FOUR MONTHS AGO. Everything she didnt want to do with me in the past almost 10 years, she did already multiple times, multiple types, positions, and God knows what. She was telling me that she already got "some" inside, had pregnancy scare (negative) and STD test (negative, though im not sure if it was within proper testing period).

According to her, this was happenimg even the days around my birthday (she made the effort to greet me with a video), when she promised some stuff to my mom regarding our future family plans, that my mom should look forward to a beach wedding, and some shit. The pictures that she sent me before on supposedly solo dates in restaurants and spas, in which, she admitted, actually had her FUBU beside her, hidden from the camera view. Sometimes it was her who reached out and set a sex date, sometimes it was the guy.

She was crying all the way while telling me this through the phone. She was feeling dirty and guilty. She was telling me that she views this kind of intimacy as a play or unserious, as a physical need like food and drink. She was feeling lonely and depressed, and yearned for the physical connection we had.

But that was not the crucial point for me, I said. Now its not about the bodycount. You lied to me when I asked you when we broke up last week if there was someone else already and you said no, I said. (Now in a hindsight, her statement was technically true because it was multiple elses not just someone).

I would have somewhat understood her if she went to just dates - the normal ones like food and movies. Holding hands, warmth of a hug, kiss at the forehad. But noooooo, she went straight through all the bases in the field, straight to homerun. Multiple times.

She didnt have a next one lined up yet, but she tearfully and eye-red-swellingly told me that she was honestly looking foward for the next hookup.

And there I was, just returning from from my weekly Sunday quick prayers at a nearest church. Sitting in my car in a parking lot. Going wtf. Wondering where I went wrong - was fully loyal, provider, corpo ladder climber, took care of health, no drinking or going out to parties without her. Always invited her to my previous companies' dinners and events (though she never invited me to hers)

Shit. Im lost at 30s here in a place a thousand miles away, surrounded by people who mostly I dont know. Every schedules and plans we built. Poof. Gone.

Tldr: 30sM just ended a almost 10 year relationship due to 30sF cheating / doing FUBU setup without telling me and acting nothing's happened.

Ps: i havent blocked her yet on socials, just muted and restricted, still has some businesses to wrap up. Though there are 130 unread messaged in my Messenger which I assume is her asking for me to come home so we can talk about it. Girl, United airlines ticket prices is not cheap.

Pss: my last message to her was an article about STD incubation periods and proper timeline for accurate testing.

Psss: also sent her a warning article for fake Plan B meds online.

Edit ps4: Out of morbid curiosity, i asked how they set up the dates and when it happened. Mostly the deed is done during the weekends when there's no work the following day cause they sleep in then return home at around 12-2am. I've back read our chat logs, lo an behold, she was updating me everytime that she will just go jogging or go to the mall, then will not be replying or answering calls from 6-7pm until arriving back home at midnight, sending me a "jwu" or "naalimupungatan", accompanied by "solo" pictures of food and mall activities and shops.

Edit ps5: all are working people in a corpo setting, no one is married, probably men looking for casual hookups with no strings attached but bodies only, no socials were given just Telegram, time, and date. Fuck you guys.

Edit ps6: she wants me back. She was planning to bring her secrets to the grave, and was hoping to be done with the FUBU setups when she got her fill (hehe pun may be intended) and we reconcile.

Edit ps7: she's telling me that it was partly my fault cause I wasn't sweet, that I was always busy working on my corpo job and sidegigs (girl you work 9-8 everyday unpaid OT lol), she has her needs that I wasnt able to meet, I was too restricting (girl I let you hit the bar and go on office group dates), yada yada yada.