u/Habibi_Sam69

I have posted about this before but due to some reasons deleted it... N here again. To know if ishaan is in the right direction n if he really is alright.

The Background:

Ishaan recently lost his father on March. Their relationship was complicated—they had very different ideologies and weren't particularly attached—but Ishaan is a mature guy. During the memorial rituals two weeks ago, he was doing the heavy lifting: seeking and giving forgiveness and handling the traditions to finally heal those old wounds.

But right in the middle of this, his girlfriend, "Ananya," had a complete mental breakdown.

Ananya has severe past trauma. She was in a toxic, controlling relationship for 3.5 years where her ex forced her to cover up to her neck, burned her educational certificates so she couldn't work, and cheated on her while she was caring for her sick mother. She is very religious and conservative, doing puja every morning and evening. She loves gardening, has numerous veggies growing and singing. She grew in a way her parents are religious, but isn't that strict.

The "Trigger" Sequence:

The day before the memorial, things seemed fine. Ananya was in a "disinhibited" state—wearing shorts, no slippers, riding on Ishaan’s bike, hugging him tight, and singing.... That was not the typical Ananya. It was like some kind of other person. But at that moment ishaan was surprised n happy that she is melting the ice. They shared a kiss n she wanted to go somewhere more far, n ishaan's only concern atm was she didn't wear slippers (love, hugs n kisses made him illogical), still he refused n dropped her home and it felt like things were progressing to a deeper level of love.

But the next day, everything flipped. It was 3:00 AM and Ishaan was exhausted. He told her, "I need to sleep," because he had a 2-hour journey ahead of him to reach his father’s house for the funeral rituals.

She suddenly snapped, saying, "F*** your father’s memorial excuse." Ishaan stayed calm, said goodnight, and tried to de-escalate. The very next day, she had to be admitted to the psychiatric ward.

The Hospital & The "Villain" Image:

When Ishaan returned to the city after finishing the memorial and visited the hospital (at the request of Ananya's sister, because Ananya wouldn't eat), the staff and her family were looking at him like he was the villain. Ananya even pointed it out to him: "Look, everyone is watching you." Despite the breakdown, she kept her promise to him and finally ate when he arrived, which gave Ishaan some small peace. He stayed to help with the paperwork and logistics.

The Current Mess:

She was recently discharged, but things have gone from bad to worse:

Parental Amnesia:

Her parents seem to have forgotten how much Ishaan helped at the hospital. They now view him as the culprit behind her condition. They’ve taken her phone away, and while Ishaan actually agrees with the parents that she needs less screen time, Ananya doesn't understand this and feels betrayed.

Fear of Abandonment (Ishaan's paranoia):

Ananya is terrified that Ishaan will "dip out" because she isn't well. He knows that her mind isn't in a good state and making her fluctuate between being extremely clingy and incredibly rude.

Ananyas Paranoia:

Today on call, she complained that all food tastes bitter. When Ishaan gently suggested eating fruits (apple/banana) dipped in honey to help, she started screaming: "You think I have scars on my tongue and intestines!"

The Household Tension:

While this was happening, her mother was shouting in the background—loud enough for Ishaan to hear—saying they only recharged her phone for booking purposes and that she shouldn't be talking to him in this state. This led to a massive fight between Ananya and her mother.

The Breaking Point:

Ishaan was now terrified that she might start using self-harm as a way to blackmail him. He told me that every time his phone rings and he sees her name, he feels a wave of fear and irritation.

THAT was the last post.

Next day from the advice i got here, I went to talk to him. It was raining. He said that, he have decided to just text GN and GM messages to let ananya know he is there, but won't join her insecurity talks/arguments in any way. He texted her GM n calls started coming, he didn't pick up. And few minutes later Ananya's mother called, Ishaan feared if ananya has done something so he recieved the call. But it was ananya telling him to pick the call from her number. He just sighed n cut it.

The Patrol car Uber:

After that he got up, got ready... N said he is going to get some puri sabji breakfast and told me to wait. It was raining so he couldn't take his bike. And he seemed fine cause he put earphones n walked away doing head shake dance. About an hour later he came back, and showed me some dried greens.

And told me how it was from a certain known area, and due to rain how auto drivers were tripling the fare.

N because of that he took a lift from the car that patrols the area due to the legal green leaf business /s. How he said thank you, and how it saved him 300 rupees. He said it's a one time thing, to help him make the decision of being a bit ruthless to Ananya for her betterment.

So we ate n I advised him of the suggestions n facts that was presented in the post i deleted. I told him that he needs to get rid of his saviour thought n not take it all upon himself. That he isn't a professional. He thought for a while.... He said that he will give it 3 months, atleast try a bit n if doesn't work he will do as the professionals say.....as he won't be able to avoid Ananya and do his GM/GN texts. He wants to try it.

Update till Today:

So I went to him again today and asked if it's working. He said, he isn't sure. There is silence n then finally today ananya comes online it does seem normal texts today.... But he told me she deleted some texts, but he saw it... It was about how it's just plain Morning n night wishes. But ishaan said that on the bright side she seems to be aware.

Now onto Ishaan's impulsive nature n What problem he is having deep inside today:

He told ananya's mother that even if they want to take her to some baba. Do it after she is eating and having proper sleeps. But today ananya told him that she was taken to some baba n how she felt her body was cold till neck. And that she still has fever n foods taste bitter, but she is eating slowly.

After hearing all that.

He said that he isn't being able to keep his calm, after seeing that Ananya is a bit better n aware. He wants to go to her and try making her eat food, n talk about many stuff...! Past, present future. He said that he can't concentrate at work. He is confused. And thinking of going for the greens again. Or maybe just meet her near her gate. He mainly wants to go and see what food she might be capable of eating.

He is the type to either lay all day doing nothing or needs to do more than 1 work/things at once...

And that's it till now...! Do tell what do you guys think he can do for her and a bit for himself.

TLDR: Ishaan recently lost his father and is dealing with grief while handling family rituals. Around the same time, his girlfriend Ananya, who has a history of severe trauma from a past abusive relationship, had a mental breakdown and was hospitalized.

During the breakdown, her behavior became erratic, including sudden mood swings, paranoia, and emotional outbursts. After discharge, her family started blaming Ishaan and restricted her phone use. She now shows signs of instability like paranoia about food and fluctuating behavior.

Ishaan tried to support her but started feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and fearful of her reactions. He set a boundary by limiting communication to simple good morning/night texts, which seems to have brought slight stability.

Now that Ananya is showing small signs of awareness, Ishaan feels the urge to go back, meet her, help her eat, and emotionally reconnect, but he’s unable to focus on work and feels impulsive.

The dilemma: Should Ishaan maintain distance and boundaries as advised, or get more involved again now that she seems slightly better?

He cares deeply but is not a professional.

I need to vent this out because I honestly don’t know what advice to give my friend, "Ishaan." He didn't come to me crying; he just looked completely drained and hollow.

The Background:

Ishaan recently lost his father on March. Their relationship was complicated—they had very different ideologies and weren't particularly attached—but Ishaan is a mature guy. During the memorial rituals two weeks ago, he was doing the heavy lifting: seeking and giving forgiveness and handling the traditions to finally heal those old wounds.

But right in the middle of this, his girlfriend, "Ananya," had a complete mental breakdown.

Ananya has severe past trauma. She was in a toxic, controlling relationship for 3.5 years where her ex forced her to cover up to her neck, burned her educational certificates so she couldn't work, and cheated on her while she was caring for her sick mother. She is very religious and conservative, doing puja every morning and evening, gardening n singing.

The "Trigger" Sequence:

The day before the memorial, things seemed fine. Ananya was in a "disinhibited" state—wearing shorts, no slippers, riding on Ishaan’s bike, hugging him tight, and singing. They shared a kiss, and it felt like things were progressing to a deeper level of love.

But the next day, everything flipped. It was 3:00 AM and Ishaan was exhausted. He told her, "I need to sleep," because he had a 2-hour journey ahead of him to reach his father’s house for the funeral rituals.

She suddenly snapped, saying, "F*** your father’s memorial excuse." Ishaan stayed calm, said goodnight, and tried to de-escalate. The very next day, she had to be admitted to the psychiatric ward.

The Hospital & The "Villain" Image:

When Ishaan returned to the city and visited the hospital (at the request of her sister, because Ananya wouldn't eat), the staff and her family were looking at him like he was the villain. Ananya was the one who even pointed it out to him: "Look, everyone is watching you." Despite the breakdown, she kept her promise to him and finally ate when he arrived, which gave Ishaan some small peace. He stayed to help with the paperwork and logistics.

The Current Mess:

She was recently discharged, but things have gone from bad to worse:

Parental Amnesia:

Her parents seem to have forgotten how much Ishaan helped at the hospital. They now view him as the culprit behind her condition. They’ve taken her phone away, and while Ishaan actually agrees with the parents that she needs less screen time, Ananya doesn't understand this and feels betrayed.

Fear of Abandonment:

Ananya is terrified that Ishaan will "dip out" because she isn't well. This insecurity makes her fluctuate between being extremely clingy and incredibly rude. (An assumption by ishaan)

The Paranoia:

Today, she complained that all food tastes bitter. When Ishaan gently suggested eating fruits (apple/banana) dipped in honey to help, she started screaming: "You think I have scars on my tongue and intestines!"

The Household Tension:

While this was happening, her mother was shouting in the background—loud enough for Ishaan to hear—saying they only recharged her phone for booking purposes and that she shouldn't be talking to him in this state. This led to a massive fight between Ananya and her mother.

The Breaking Point:

Ishaan is now terrified that she might start using self-harm as a way to blackmail him. He told me that every time his phone rings and he sees her name, he feels confused.... Fear, irritation, empathy, giving up on her etc.

How do I even help him? Is he the trigger just by existing as a "safe" person, or is there a way he can actually help her without losing his own sanity while he's still trying to have peace.

Update : Today morning i decided to go check him out and give some advice. But he stopped me, ishaan decided that he will just send good morning n goodnight texts to let her know he isn't going anywhere until there's a problem when she is good....!

And 2 calls from ananya came... But as he didn't recieve the calls a call came from Ananya's mother, he feared did something happened n picked it up. And it was ananya... Telling him to recieve the calls from her number... He told ananya that, he isn't gonna do that, if u want to talk properly get well soon by eating food.....n to always calm down before talking...!

N he cut the call, didn't block.... calls r coming.... he looked at me n said blocking would be bad, standing firm on the morning n night wishes would be better..... block will probably anger.

He then stands for a moment puts on his earphone, does a head shake vibe type dance n goes out.... Said he is bringing some puri sabji breakfast....!

So he came back after nearly an hour, I said kaunse state gaya tha puri lene.... He shows me dried greens... N told me how it was from a certain place n how due to rain finding public transport at a fair rate was hard.... And he took a lift from a car that was patrolling... the area... How he saved 150 rupees by taking a lift...! Also to not worry it's a one time thing to help him make up his mind n let the stress go in smokes.

While eating he said, Ananya's sister n mother will probably let him know if a problem arises... N that he will give it 3 months for her to make it her habit to be calm n chill as she will eat better....

Ig I'll delete it.... as he seems to have figured it out... Probably.

Guys, pata hai aaj kya hua .....mera ek dost hai Ishaan jo mere paas rote rote nahi aya, normally aya tension look meh.

uski life mein jo chal raha hai woh sunke mera dimaag chakra gaya hai. I need to vent this out because I don’t know isko kya he advice du....

​Ishaan ne abhi haal hi mein apne baap ko khoya hai, March 24 ko death hui thi. Relations thode kharab thay father k saath, ideology wagera..... so not so attached.....but Ishaan mature guy hai—memorial pe he was trying to make peace......forgive n asking for forgiveness and handle the rituals takki purane wounds heal ho sakein. Abhi 2 hafte pehle hi memorial khatam hua hai.

​But usi beech uski girlfriend, Ananya, ka mental break ho gaya.

​The Background:

Ananya has major past trauma. 3.5 years ek toxic ex ke saath thi jisne usko mentally cage mein rakha tha (proper dress control cover till ur neck type). Us bande ne Ananya ke saare certificates jala diye thay takki woh job na kar sake, and he cheated on her while she was literally taking care of her sick mom. She’s very religious and conservative....does puja every morning n evening...

​The "WTF" Sequence:

Ek din before the memorial day, sab normal lag raha tha. Ananya shorts pehen ke bina slippers ke Ishaan ke saath bike pe ghoom rahi thi, hugging him tight, singing... bilkul disinhibited mode mein. They shared a smooch and it felt like things were progressing dusri level...

​But next day hi sab palat gaya. Raat ke 3 baje the, and Ishaan was exhausted. He told her, "Mujhe sona hai, I need sleep," because next morning usko 2 ghante travel karke apne father ke ghar jaana tha memorial programs ke liye.

​Bas wahan trigger ho gaya, achanak boleh F ur father's memorial excuse.....n Ishan just okay goodnight bolke calm down hone k socha. Next day hi she had to be admitted to the psychiatric ward.

Hospital mein she was constantly calling out for Ishaan,

Ishaan 2 din baad luata city ki ghar meh n visited the hospital kyuki ananya ki behen ne call karke bola, didi ki halat kharab hai bol rahe hai ap ayengeh toh khayegi khana.... So he visited.... Usko pata nahi tha ki woh famous hai.... Gaye toh...... staff + family usko peek karke judge kar rahe..... Usko pata bhi nahi chalta.... Ananya he point out karke bola... Dekho tumhe log dekh rahe hai....! Atleast mental break down meh bhi promise rakkha n she ate.... (Sukun mila Ishaan ko) Baki thoda sa help Kiya.... Paperwork meh....

​The Current Mess:

Chutti mil gaya usko happy news hai laga.... Wrong :

​Parents’ selective amnesia: Hospital mein Ishaan ne din-raat ek kar ke help toh nahi ki, shorcuts liya n main problems sab sambhala. But ab parents woh sab bhul gaye hain. Unhe lag raha hai ki Ishaan hi culprit hai jiski wajah se unki beti ki ye halat hui. Mobile tak cheen rahe hain uska.... N yes ishaan is on the parents side.... Lekin ananya ko kya he samjhaye... Kya bolengeh...

Assumption by observing n overthinking of ishaan:

​The "Dip Out" Fear:

Ananya ko lag raha hai ki Ishaan ab "dip out" kar lega (bhag jayega) because she isn't well. Toh insecurity mein she is clingy and rude at the same time.

​The Paranoia: Ishaan uski care mein bole ki "pani piyo" or " fruits apple banana ko honey me dip karke khao," today when she said all foods taste bitter, kha nahi sakta....... she starts screaming ki "Tumhe lagta hai mere tongue aur intestines mein scars hain!"

Utne meh background meh ananya k mummy bol rahe hai jor jorse.... Taki is ishaan ko bhi sunai de... Ananya tumhe recharge isliye kardiya tha kyuki tumhari number seh booking hota hai.... Aise halat meh baat maat karo.... N ananya uski mummy se jagra karne lag gaya....

Ishaan aur bhi daar k soch raha hai, yaar self hrm wala black mail na karde....! Call ateh he usko daar aur irritation feel hota hai...

Kya he bolu isko....!