u/HairyChampionship977

Date: 4th subcycle of the 5th cycle of the 4549th Year of the Galactic Standard Calendar
Location: Berlin, Earth

GYG: "Warm greetings, Honored Brother Androcles Alexanderson."

AA: "Warm greetings to you too, Representative Gar YusGoruk."

GYG: "As you may know, we, the Galactic Council, have been at war with the forces of the Destined Empire for the past 96 Earth Cycles, and our resources are wearing thin."

AA: "Are you trying to persuade humanity to join you in this war against them? If so I should remind you of our non-aggression pact with them."

GYG: "That would not be the case, Honored Brother. We do not ask for direct military assistance, however we do ask for information pertaining to your weaponry."

AA: "Explain."

GYG: "As you and I both know, the Galactic Council views humanity, much like the Destined Empire, as being a barbaric war-like race. As such, we believe that we may only defeat them with weapons at the very least equal to yours."

AA: "So you're asking for our weapons? Forgive me but humanity does not provide weapons to forces we do not consider allies."

GYG: "We do not ask for your weapons, Honored Brother. Rather we ask for information as to why your weapons are so potent."

AA: "Well, I'd assume what makes our weapons so potent is the fact that we've been fighting each other for millennia. I'd expect the Galactic Council to have done something similar these past 96 years, no?"

GYG: "We are not like you deathworlders, we do not have the same method of technological advancement."

AA: "Well, if you really want to know, what makes humanity's weapons so potent is... I suppose the fact that they're all sticks?"

GYG: "Elaborate."

AA: "Well, almost every human weapon has been just some form of a stick. A stick that's sharp at the end, it's a spear. If it's sharp at the end and long, it's a lance. If it's sharp at the end and you can throw it, it's a javelin. If it's short and sharp at the end, it's an arrow. If it's blunt at the end, it's a hammer. If it's blunt at the end and it's got sharp bits, it's a mace. If it's got a ball tied to a chain tied to the end of it, it's a flail. If it's made of metal and almost the entire thing is sharp, it's a sword. If cuts like sword but swings like a hammer, it's an axe. Combine the axe and hammer and you get a poleaxe, combine the axe and spear and you get a halberd."

GYG: "I understand these are melee weapons, yes?"

AA: "Well, yeah. But if you want examples of ranged weapons, well the same is also true. If you take a metal stick and put a hole in the middle of it, then put gunpowder and some metal balls in it, you've got a rudimentary gun. Make it bigger, you've got a cannon. Make it more complicated, you've got artillery. Make it smaller, you've got mortars. Make a rudimentary gun more complicated, it's a gun. Even our nukes are basically just sticks filled with fuel with an engine on one end and bomb on the other end."

GYG: "This is most... interesting, Honored Brother. I will make sure to report this to the Galactic Council's War Committee. Thank you for your time."

AA: "It's no problem, Representative."

A: So, human, what do you use aircraft for?
H: Well, for travelling and transport just like you, guys.
A: I see.
H: And to kill people.
A: Pardon?
H: We use them to drop bombs on people.
A: Why!?
H: Beats me. That's just how we've always been.
A: What about other technologies like electricity?
H: We use it to power our homes and give warmth or cooling to those who need it.
A: Ah, I see.
H: And also to kill people.
A: Seriously!?
H: Yup. Well, we used to at least.
A: Well, what do you use to generate that electricity?
H: Well, one of our cleaner options is nuclear reactors.
A: Oh? So, you use fissile material to generate energy for your cities?
H: Yup.
A: Well, that's a relief, I thought you were gonna say you use it to kill people again. Wait, don't tell me-
H: And this one time we used it to kill people. We also make nuclear bombs with it.
A: Nuclear... bombs?
H: Yep, a single one can level a city.
A: Surely you did not mass produce these things as is your tendency to do, right, human?
H: Well, actually we've got enough to wipe ourselves out several times over, so...
A: Good Gods, help these people.