u/HalcyonLightning

I’ll start with the question and then get into my feelings.

Anyone else feel like they have absolutely no identity and no culture? And it’s creating quite a bit of sadness inside them?

I was adopted at birth to a French Canadian mother and an Austrian father. And ultimately, they did not practice or celebrate any traditions or culturally significant events. My father was a bit more involved in the German community in my hometown, and I grew up with some of that culture, but it was pretty limited and sparse, and by the time I got to around age 16, it was not something we participated in anymore. I’m 32 now.

I have been struggling a lot with the fact that I don’t really have any culture or traditions to practice or celebrate. My family is really just white and nuclear, and we get together for Thanksgiving and Christmas and whatnot. And I see so many people from so many places around the world that talk about their traditional clothing and dances and foods and events and I just feel…empty. And like such an imposter, because I’m born and raised in Canada, but I am not and will never be indigenous (nor do I want to claim to be; that’s not my identity to claim!), and I feel they are truly the most wonderful culture there is here.

I don’t know if I’m even making any sense but yeah. I thought this may be the best place to post this, as I have a lot of friends that are not adopted but also don’t have any close ties to a culture, and they don’t feel the same way as me.

Thanks for reading, friends. Much love!

I want to make it clear that I am not at risk of doing anything to myself or anyone else in any harmful manner. I’m just really in my emotions tonight.

I cannot fathom living like this forever. My brain… our brains… I just don’t know how to function. Ever. And it’s depressing me like crazy right now. This is the brain I was born with, and this is the brain I must live with, but why? What is the point? We often hear we live life on “hard mode”, but at what point does it actually become easier? Is it always going to be this hard? Why would I bother continuing to play this messed up game on hard mode?

There are some days where I see so much happiness and beauty in life, and then there are days like these where I just can’t get over the fact that this is my reality and it will never change. I shouldn’t have to live every single day pushing myself just to function as a regular contributing member of society, just to have them remind me that I’m broken and useless by firing me or denying my application for benefits or making me feel obligated to keep my disability a secret in job interviews lest they avoid hiring me.

Anyway, I just really needed to vent. I’ll be okay. I know I will be. One day at a time.