u/Hanako_Number7

I’m so depressed lately, I really want to be a guy. I’m honestly not at all worried about the effects and changes that come with HRT or surgery, but what I’m worried about is when it comes to dating. I want a long-term partner someday and I’m exclusively attracted to women, but most straight women don’t like trans men even after fully transitioning and even a lot of bi women too. Either way, I think it will be difficult to find myself a girlfriend and I’m really sad like why couldn’t I just have been born male?

I honestly still don’t know if im FTM but I’ve been questioning for 6 years (I’m 15) and lately I’ve been leaning more towards identifying as male and even researching all the procedures/surgeries and HRT to see if its really something I wanna do. I feel like maybe it’s worth it when I’m like 18 but I don’t know. I just wish I was born male. I hate my body and my face and I get so jealous seeing teenage boys having fun because I’ll never be able to experience the childhood of one. I love my parents so much and I’m so grateful for them but because I was born female they protected me a lot more than my brother who could have online friends from different countries and go hang out with a whole group of guys but I couldn’t because my parents wanted to protect me. They are finally letting me have some more freedom and with my current group of friends (almost entirely male) they wanted to have a sleepover and my mom said no she doesn’t do “co-ed” sleepovers even tho I’m “lesbian” (I put this in quotes since I might just be a straight guy). But I hate my skinny legs and arms, I want a bit more muscle on my body. I hate how my shoulders look in proportion to my head, they’re way too small. Honestly my upper body/torso is decent I guess and I have the ideal female body but every time I see a guy on the internet without a shirt on for fashion videos I get so jealous, I want to look like that so bad. My hands are small and feminine but I want them to be veiny and big. I just wish I could’ve been born a guy because being trans is so much work especially when I actually do want to transition but not really like I kinda wish I could press a button and be a guy. I also hate the idea of being pregnant, it’s revolting to me and I never plan on it so what’s the point of my goddamn period or uterus anyways. I’m tired and I don’t know what to do anymore. Oh some important info as well like my parents are so incredibly supportive and would definitely be okay with me being trans tho it’s still scary thinking about if I really am trans coming out since I know they always wanted a girl.