u/Handle_Just

Dear X,

After seeing you are a fan of X, I believe you will enjoy THEY WHO KNOW THE OAK, complete at 99,000 words. It is an adult lyrical fantasy book with a queer romance thread about overcoming loss, finding new purpose, and preserving the natural world. It will appeal to fans of Blood Over Bright Haven by M. L. Wang for its MC fighting a corrupt power structure, and The Book of the Ice trilogy by Mark Lawrence as it’s also a nature-centred story with a world tainted by a dark force.

As an outsider raised in his isolated mountain village, Kaed longs to prove himself. But during the ceremony to name him as Druid, the tainted spirit of the lake appears in human form and uses up its own essence to drown everyone he cares about. His sister, dead. His mentor, dead. Stricken, Kaed almost takes his own life, but comes back from the brink and instead resolves to uncover the truth behind the spirit’s corruption.

Journeying to nearby Tàvhsan City looking for aid, he approaches the grand temple only to discover Druidism is outlawed. Instead, powerful wielders of elemental magic named Thamaturges rule the religion. Kaed is branded a heretic for his talk of corrupt spirits and evades arrest, fleeing to the city’s underground slum. Here he finds a place healing the sick and unexpectedly becoming a Druid in the squalor.

As war threatens to arrive in the city, Kaed connects to a forest bound by a Thaumaturge. He is horrified to discover that Thaumaturges are based on a cruel lie. They bind spirits, destroying them for their power. Hoping to save the forest, Kaed enters the otherworld and severs the bond mid-battle, causing the war to be lost and making enemies of the entire Thaumaturge organisation. While accessing the otherworld he seeks the corruption infesting its heart. The evil that caused his village to die and that threatens all life. It is linked to a human vessel, and to stop it, he must find them.

[Personal bit]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Thanks so much for this amazing service!

A few notes after your last set of comments - Kaed has no surname. I didn't add the village name as I felt the descriptor of it being isolated added more value than the name? (Greiyna Lonn). But if it's really important, I can add it. As per the infographic you attached last time, I've only gone up to the midpoint plot wise. I can go further (showing the second half of the book, including his romance progress etc) if it feels like the secondary characters are left hanging?

I've tried to make it a bit more 'voicey' but since the voice is classic fantasy I'm not really sure how to do that... And I've added the first 500 words to the bottom, if that's ok!

LETTER:

After seeing you are a fan of X, I’m writing to seek representation for my debut novel, THEY WHO KNOW THE OAK, complete at 99,000 words. It is an adult lyrical fantasy book with a queer romance thread about overcoming loss, finding new purpose, and preserving the natural world. It will appeal to fans of Blood Over Bright Haven by M. L. Wang for its MC fighting a corrupt power structure, and The Book of the Ice trilogy by Mark Lawrence as it’s also a nature-centred story with a world tainted by a dark force.

As an outsider raised in his isolated mountain village since childhood, Kaed longs for acceptance. But during the ceremony to name him as Druid, the spirit of the lake interrupts and drowns everyone he’s ever known. His sister, dead. His mentor, dead. Stricken, Kaed almost takes his own life, but comes back from the brink and instead resolves to uncover the truth behind the spirit’s destruction.

Journeying to hectic Tàvhsan City, he reunites with his childhood bully Ruarih, who left the village. Despite a growing attraction between them, they separate after an argument, leaving Kaed alone with his grief once more. He finds a place in the slums healing the sick and unexpectedly becoming a Druid in the squalor. Here he befriends runaway princess-turned-tavern owner Tom and learns of Thaumaturges: powerful wielders of elemental magic.

Kaed establishes a mental connection with a forest, hearing it cry out in pain. He learns that Thaumaturges are based on a cruel lie. They bind spirits, eventually destroying them for their power. Kaed severs the forest-Thaumaturge’s bond, saving the spirit but making enemies of the entire organisation. He enters the otherworld and catches a glimpse of the corruption infesting its heart. The evil that caused his village to die and that threatens all life. It is connected to a human vessel, and to stop it, he must find them.

500 WORDS:

A cold wind scented of bark and honey whipped around Kaed’s face, colouring his cheeks and billowing his long black hair into chaos. Eyes closed, he frowned in annoyance, trying to focus on his breath. A deep inhalation. A slow exhale. Today was the most important day of his eighteen years, he needed to focus. Bowing grass brushed his hands and he heard the distant sound of lapping water.

But that was impossible. High up on the mountainside he sat well out of hearing range of the lake, cupped as it was in the base of the valley far below. The sound tickled the edges of his senses, keeping his sought-after meditative state at arm’s length. He tried to block it out but the rippling only grew louder, building until it sounded almost like laughter. A laugh that tipped from bright to mocking. 

Panic inexplicably clawed up his chest and he felt as though he was falling from his body and being swept away into the current of the wind, toward the source of the laughter. He had the vague sense of a malign shadow looming before him, stretching out as though to sink talons into the darkest parts of himself. 

Instinctively, he jerked away. 

His eyes snapped open, pupils wide as fear pumped through his veins. The laughter had ceased, as though it had never been, and the vista lay as he expected. Mist scraped across the tree-covered peaks—now swathed in the russet and orange of burgeoning autumn—despite the clear early morning skies. A flash of gold below declared the presence of the far-off lònn, its waters distant and inaudible. He shook his head, pushing the fear away. Had he actually touched the otherworld, or was his anxiety about the day ahead just playing tricks on him? Probably the latter. He had never been as adept at finding stillness as he would like. 

Really, he should already be in the village, but he found it easier to meditate amongst the sounds of the land than in the cloistered quiet of the shrine. Usually. He definitely was not avoiding the veiled whispers and sidelong glances of his people. The thought of the entire community’s scrutiny set him on edge, but he would have to pull himself together and get used to that.

A shadow fell across the valley as an errant cloud blotted out the sun and Kaed sighed. His hair, which he kept long as a marker of his dedication to Elrunae, goddess of creation and death, continued to flap. He unwrapped a thin rope of green thread—braided for him with love by his younger sister years ago—from around his wrist before forcing the hair into a semblance of order. He took one last moment for himself, filling his lungs, and held onto the spice of a changing season. 

Standing, Kaed began the descent toward the cluster of houses below: the remote village of Greiyna Lònn.

First time here, thanks so much for your wisdom. I've sent a version of this out to about 12 agents so far (3 rejections, no requests) over the last month. Am now tweaking to try and improve as the brain-worms creep in!

--

Dear Agent,

After seeing you are a fan of X, I’m writing to seek representation for my debut novel, complete at 99,000 words.

THEY WHO KNOW THE OAK is an adult, lyrical fantasy book with a queer romance thread about overcoming loss, finding new purpose, and preserving the natural world. It is the first in a duology. 

Comps include Blood Over Bright Haven by M. L. Wang (a character fighting a corrupt power structure), and The Book of the Ice trilogy by Mark Lawrence (a nature-centred story with a world tainted by a dark force).

On the night of Kaed’s long-awaited ceremony to become Druid of his isolated mountain village, the spirit of the nearby lake appears and drowns his entire community. Left grieving and desperate for answers, Kaed sets out into the unknown seeking the truth behind these horrifying events.

On his journey he reunites with his childhood bully Ruarih and briefly finds respite in the underbelly of a city, healing the impoverished and overlooked. Here, he befriends runaway princess (now tavern owner) Tom and learns of Thaumaturges: wielders of elemental magic who destroy nature spirits for their power. His fragile new life is shattered, however, when he instinctively severs a Thaumaturge’s spirit-bond mid battle to save the nearby forest from destruction, making enemies of the most powerful organisation in the empire. 

Fleeing, he, Ruarih and Tom head for the capital city to seek aid from the Monarch. They meet a witch who helps Kaed hone his newly awakened abilities of contacting and freeing spirits. She explains that he may be descended from the only known union between spirit and human. In the capital, instead of finding answers, Kaed is branded a traitor for his actions and arrested. Convincing the spirit of the land beneath the city to possess him, he breaks apart the prison and in the chaos uncovers the secret of the corruption that infects the otherworld and threatens all life. 

I’m a queer vegan who has worked in the film industry for 15 years as a writer, director and documentary editor. My short films have won script open calls, screened at over 30 international film festivals and have over 1.2 million views online. I have a 1st class BA in Comparative Literature and Film Studies.

Please find my synopsis and first fifty pages attached. Thanks very much for your time,

Dear Agent

As you're a fan of X, I’m writing to seek representation for my debut novel, THEY WHO KNOW THE OAK, complete at 99,000 words.

It is an adult, lyrical fantasy book with a queer romance thread, blending classic fantasy coming-of-age tropes with themes of environmental preservation and destruction. It is the first in a duology. Please find my synopsis and first 50 pages attached.

On the night of 18-year-old Kaed’s long-awaited ceremony to become Druid of his isolated mountain village, the spirit of the nearby lake appears in human form. Tainted by dark corruption, she raises her hands to the sky and all the villagers drown where they stand. Left grieving and desperate for answers, Kaed sets out into the unknown seeking the truth behind these horrifying events.

On his journey he briefly finds respite in the underbelly of a city, healing the impoverished and overlooked. Here, he befriends runaway princess (now tavern owner) Tom and learns of Thaumaturges: wielders of elemental magic who destroy nature spirits for their power. His fragile new life is shattered, however, when he instinctively severs a Thaumaturge’s spirit-bond mid battle to save the nearby forest from destruction, making enemies of the most powerful organisation in the empire.

Fleeing, he and Tom—joined by Kaed’s childhood bully-turned-lover Ruarih—head for the capital city to seek aid from the Monarch. While honing his newly awakened ability to contact spirits, Kaed uncovers the corruption that infects the otherworld and threatens all life.

Can he battle his suffocating grief and cure the darkness infecting the world’s soul, before all of nature is destroyed?

Comps include BLOOD OVER BRIGHT HAVEN by M. L. Wang (a character fighting a corrupt power structure), and THE BOOK OF THE ICE trilogy by Mark Lawrence (a nature-centred story with a world tainted by a dark force).

I’m a queer vegan who has worked in the film industry for 15 years as a writer, director and documentary editor. My short films have won script open calls, have screened at over 30 international film festivals and have over 1.2 million views online. I also developed feature film projects with the BFI. I have a 1st class BA in Comparative Literature and Film Studies.

Thanks very much for your time,