u/Hannah_roams

I broke up with my boyfriend of a year last Friday and I am devastated. Back story, we dated 7 years ago in college and broke up because he had cheated on me. The second time we got together I really thought he had matured, but we were getting into a toxic fighting pattern and the last big fight made me step away. We both have lost our parents and I felt really drawn to him because of the shared trauma and the fact that we had such a long history and now I’m scared I’ll never find that in someone else.

I lost both of my parents to drug and alcohol related problems and because of that I have a hard time being with people that rely heavily on either. In the beginning, he was drinking a lot and would get angry while drunk and he decided to slow down. But then he started smoking weed regularly which is a major turn off for me and always has been. I would always ask him to not smoke in front of me because the smell would trigger my migraines, and I was also worried how much he was doing it because I felt like he was doing it a lot throughout the week. This became a pattern of me getting scared he was hiding it and bringing it up and then it turning into a big fight and him losing his temper and yelling/cursing at me. The last big fight was because he told me I couldn’t come over so he could get high and he ended up saying some really nasty things to me. Looking back through our texts it was always me starting the arguments and I just feel like I really messed up and don’t know what to do. I felt like we had grown distant and I had been really unhappy but now that he’s gone I regret it.

Is he right that I am controlling? Did I make the right choice?

TLDR - I broke up with my boyfriend because it felt like he was choosing weed over me and dont know if I made the right decision

I broke up with my boyfriend of a year last Friday and I am devastated. Back story, we dated 7 years ago in college and broke up because he had cheated on me. The second time we got together I really thought he had matured, but we were getting into a toxic fighting pattern and the last big fight made me step away. We both have lost our parents and I felt really drawn to him because of the shared trauma and the fact that we had such a long history and now I’m scared I’ll never find that in someone else.

I lost both of my parents to drug and alcohol related problems and because of that I have a hard time being with people that rely heavily on either. In the beginning, he was drinking a lot and would get angry while drunk and he decided to slow down. But then he started smoking weed regularly which is a major turn off for me and always has been. I would always ask him to not smoke in front of me because the smell would trigger my migraines, and I was also worried how much he was doing it because I felt like he was doing it a lot throughout the week. This became a pattern of me getting scared he was hiding it and bringing it up and then it turning into a big fight and him losing his temper and yelling/cursing at me. The last big fight was because he told me I couldn’t come over so he could get high and he ended up saying some really nasty things to me. Looking back through our texts it was always me starting the arguments and I just feel like I really messed up and don’t know what to do