u/Hans_2715

Hi all.

So for a bit of background: im a university student. Have recently come out of depression that lasted for about 2 years (very glad about this) and apart from the trauma from my narcissistic adoptive so called ‘mother’ i also have trauma from my adoption(obviously) and separation from my sister etc.

anyway so coming to the main part, i really need you guys’ advice on how to deal(or work?) on this, as i really wanna grow into a better person for myself and my future family.

My whole life since i was a kid, i have always felt a void, and this comes mostly because of not having my real mother and twin sister with me, but having a narcissist ‘parent’ just worsened everything.
So like, since school days I have always felt to have a female connection or a bond… and it wasn’t until high school that I realised what this ACTUALLY is.
And then it all made sense, I never had a mother, and no significant female connection, which is very important for a child, ESPECIALLY a girl.

Now that i look back, in school, i always used to sort of like ‘admire’ female teachers (not in a sexual way please) i just kind off wanted to have a bond with them. And as a kid ofc i wasn’t that self aware.
But now im very much am, and the thing is, this still hasn’t stopped, i still do this, i admire and look upto strong , kind women around me for example my professors or mentors maybe… and i idolise them, subtly seeking their validation and wanting to be close to them… I KNOW all this is deep rooted because of .. as people say nowadays ‘mommy issues’…. But it actually kinda sucks? Because i am so self aware yet don’t have control over this.

I constantly play conversations in my head with them. And the worst part, deep down … i wish they were my mother… because i never had one.
I know that cant be and is not true, and in this journey of ‘healing’ i also am aware that i shall be enough for myself….

So, women here, im pretty sure many of you here have experienced similar stuff, so please help me out and share valuable thoughts and advice that can help me in this journey of healing, self love and growth ❤️‍🩹

If you aren’t comfortable commenting, my dms are open.

Hi all.

So for a bit of background: im a university student. Have recently come out of depression that lasted for about 2 years (very glad about this) and apart from the trauma from my narcissistic adoptive so called ‘mother’ i also have trauma from my adoption(obviously) and separation from my sister etc.

anyway so coming to the main part, i really need you guys’ advice on how to deal(or work?) on this, as i really wanna grow into a better person for myself and my future family.

My whole life since i was a kid, i have always felt a void, and this comes mostly because of not having my real mother and twin sister with me, but having a narcissist ‘parent’ just worsened everything.
So like, since school days I have always felt to have a female connection or a bond… and it wasn’t until high school that I realised what this ACTUALLY is.
And then it all made sense, I never had a mother, and no significant female connection, which is very important for a child, ESPECIALLY a girl.

Now that i look back, in school, i always used to sort of like ‘admire’ female teachers (not in a sexual way please) i just kind off wanted to have a bond with them. And as a kid ofc i wasn’t that self aware.
But now im very much am, and the thing is, this still hasn’t stopped, i still do this, i admire and look upto strong , kind women around me for example my professors or mentors maybe… and i idolise them, subtly seeking their validation and wanting to be close to them… I KNOW all this is deep rooted because of .. as people say nowadays ‘mommy issues’…. But it actually kinda sucks? Because i am so self aware yet don’t have control over this.

I constantly play conversations in my head with them. And the worst part, deep down … i wish they were my mother… because i never had one.
I know that cant be and is not true, and in this journey of ‘healing’ i also am aware that i shall be enough for myself….

So, women here, im pretty sure many of you here have experienced similar stuff, so please help me out and share valuable thoughts and advice that can help me in this journey of healing, self love and growth ❤️‍🩹

If you aren’t comfortable commenting, my dms are open.