u/Happy_Detail4397

I am very stressed about finances. I live alone and do uber eats/instacart delivery for a living and its been slow this month (i live in florida so the snowbirds have gone and season is over). If i do OMAD and get a bowl from Chipotle, would I run into nutritional trouble? I have no problem drinking a lot of water, im not worried about that. But when i get stressed about money, my ability to feed myself is one of the first things to go. I just need something i can eat everyday that is nutritionally complete and around $10 that requires no cooking or prepararion on my part.

edit: clarification

also, please dont give advice on this thread if youre not autistic. i dont wanna argue with strangers about what i am and am not capable of when im experiencing low grade burnout.

Im on an unmasking journey, at the tail end of it where i am largely unable to mask. I can no longer pretend to be interested in going back to school to get a socially admirable career.

I do gig apps to pay my bills. But im still stuck on what to do with myself all day. Masking as a teen/young adult destroyed any kernel of special interest I had accrued as a child, so I dont have a go-to activity or topic to research.

I am largely uninterested in watching TV or movies. But i feel like im missing something in my life. I feel unsatisfied and listless. Im learning to let go of the compulsion to have a big purpose in life and an identity based on what i do for money, but that leaves a lot of empty space behind that im not sure how to fill.

This happened a few years ago. It has completely derailed my life. My mom was talking to me, using me as her therapist and confessional, and told me that she knew what her husband/my father was doing to us when he would get us alone in rooms and lock the door.

I had been operating under the delusion that she didnt know, that she was the good parent all these years. I hadnt even heard of cptsd at this point and didnt understand how she enabled the abuse for my whole life.

In that moment i snapped. As a result of growing up in that environment i was bullied in school by both peers and teachers, fawned my way into being raped the first time i got drunk. My father did not allow us to listen to music or watch TV. He chose all my classes i took and corrected everything i learned in school at home. We werent vaccinated. He told us the world was ending on average once a year and i believed him.

I snapped and started screaming at my mother. I started asking questions that she couldnt answer because the answer would implicate her further in my abuse. I grabbed her by the wrists to get her to look me in the eyes because she refused to make eye contact.

She went to the police. I went to jail.

My life went to complete shit. My father disowned me and then he died, because i was a source of shame.

Its 5 years later. Any sort of sympathy someone might have had for me is gone. People in recovery groups look at me with disgust when i reveal this.

Mothers are sacred in this society. Children are disposable.

Actually, i was a parrot and publically repeated all of my fathers psychotic political views starting at 14, so any chance at external sympathy was gone before i knew it.

I of course understand myself and my actions. For all the trouble i got in i wish i had done more.

I stood up for myself and it ruined my life. I feel irredeemable.

Im lost. The grief and rage are neverending.

EDIT: It feels like people dismiss my CSA trauma because of how i reactes to surfacing rage one time. I am not an abuser for standing up to my abusers.