u/Happycatmother

My feelings towards my father are complicated. Aside from ignorant comments on my appearance which has been addressed and corrected, he's generally been very kind and caring to me. My issues with him are his misogyny that thankful was never directed at me as well as his shitty lifestyle. Oddly he's been the opposite towards me as he is with women in general like teaching me I could choose to have kids or not and could be whatever I wanted to be regardless of my gender. I get the sense based on stories he laughingly told me about what the boys of his era did, as way to warn me about men, that they raped girls and women by driving down long dark back roads and told them to fuck or walk back. I can't confirm that he participated in said behaviour but it sure sounded like he did. And his disgusting leering at women when in public is weirdly performative and disturbing. When he sees a pretty woman or girl, and no amount of explaining that is a 13 year old with lots of makeup will not convince him that is not an 18 year old, he makes sexual comments and slurping noises. I've tried everything from ignoring him for days/weeks afterwards, to explaining that many would see it as performative to hide homosexuality. He still persists.

As for his poor lifestyle, its just the general annoyance that he wastes all his money on "toys" and complains that he's broke and lives in a shit hole because he can't control his spending and wants me to feel bad for him while I have almost zero money due to chronic illness. Also that his health is severely declining purely due to lifestyle choices such as a lifetime of smoking (COPD), poor eating habits (poorly controlled diabetes, morbid obesity, heart problems) then plays the victim and hopes my chronically ill self will come help him some day when he's infirm yet doesn't ask that of his sons.

How would you cope with conflicted feelings towards a family member who treats you well but is shitty towards women?

Last night I was having strong feelings about Boomers and my boomer parents. I watched several youtube videos and read posts on Reddit about boomers hating their own kids and being the first generation to want their very own child to be worse off than themselves (us millenials). So many comments echoed my own experience verbatim it was scary; parents telling their very obviously hard working children they are too entitled and plan to spend every dime so they leave nothing behind, parents doing nothing to help their children prepare for life in the world, and parents resenting their own children purely for existing. That generation is truly the most evil group of humans in modern history. Why did a group of people who had it easy by comparison to all other humans in existence since we evolved feel so strongly that they had it hard and we younger generations have it easy, we don't, and deserve to be shit on? Even if we did have it easier than they, shouldn't they be happy for their children?

There are things my own mother has said to me out of the blue, without provocation, that are downright cruel and unnecessary. "I'm spending every penny before I die so that you get nothing," okay... but why do you feel this way when I left home at 16 and funded my own life and have never ever asked for handouts of money or received them from you? Prior to moving out my father and the government paid for my existence. "If you have children don't plan on dropping them off at my place and having me babysit," okay... but you know I'm never having kids, and didn't your own mother take care of me as an infant for several months when you had an operation? "I'm so glad I'm married now, I'm tired of competing with my own daughter," okay... you were out of the dating scene and living with the man you married long before I entered the dating scene and we hated each other anyway. 

What were your experiences as a millennial of being raised by boomers?

edit to add: Going off of my experience and that of most millennials I've known personally this seems to be a normal experience for us. That's why I'm interested in hearing from a broader audience to see if this is an anomaly in my small group and if all the hateful boomer content about their actions circulated on social media is something a majority has experienced or just a vocal minority.