u/HareandBear67

I'm in a relationship [F17] with a [M16] ~1.5 years. I am trying to figure out whether this is something that could be worked out and what boundary should we be setting.

at the beginning the relationship was very loving, he was extremely caring and emotionally supportive, especially given past relationship and the fact that I'm neurodivergent. My attraction towards him started off lower physically but grew over time emotionally and then physically as well.

early in the relationship there was one incident during a call where a boundary was crossed in a sexual context. it made me uncomfortable due to my past experiences. he apologized sincerely, he was very distressed about it and I know that there was no malicious intent behind it. it was an honest mistake and it didn't happen again.

over time, the relationship became more emotionally intense during conflict. he went through personal stress and became more defensive in arguments, and I started feeling unheard. at the same time I also became reactive in arguments. I've said hurtful things and acted controlling at times which I deeply regret.

we seem to trigger each other in arguments because I can become overwhelmed and have meltdowns where I say things I regret and then he becomes reactive and continues the argument when I'm clearly overwhelmed then I shut down for hours and struggle to recover. there was also a period of time where I only felt seen during emotionally intense moments.

there has also been some trust issues. I sent a very emotional voice message and he shared it with his therapist without me expecting it to be shared. also made it clear that I didn't want him talking about our relationship issues to my best friend (who is also someone who he talks to but they're not too close) and he went on and had a very brief conversation about us, even if the conversation was brief, I still felt like my boundaries were crossed.

we also have the same country as our end goal in our postgraduate studies, although he wants to start in that country and I suggested maybe not starting there yet as I don't have the money and I'm not emotionally well enough to do that. I suggested doing our postgraduate studies there and he agreed to do some research but before he agreed he went on to tiptoe around calling me immature.

despite all of this, there has been many good moments. we laugh and spend a lot of time together and have strong emotional connection, But all that this conflict lowered my attraction towards him and that's a very big issue because even if we're having good moments, it's always in the back of my head. that's why this is so confusing. I want to work this through and I don't want to leave him, he is my best friend and I don't want to loose that friendship either.

Is this kind of cycle something that could realistically be fixed with communication changes? How can we handle conflict? is there such thing as incompatibility? because I believe that you could really work out things if you really want to.

I'm in a relationship [F18] with a [M18] ~1.5 years. I am trying to figure out whether this is something that could be worked out and what boundary should we be setting.

at the beginning the relationship was very loving, he was extremely caring and emotionally supportive, especially given past relationship and the fact that I'm neurodivergent. My attraction towards him started off lower physically but grew over time emotionally and then physically as well.

early in the relationship there was one incident during a call where a boundary was crossed in a sexual context. it made me uncomfortable due to my past experiences. he apologized sincerely, he was very distressed about it and I know that there was no malicious intent behind it. it was an honest mistake and it didn't happen again.

over time, the relationship became more emotionally intense during conflict. he went through personal stress and became more defensive in arguments, and I started feeling unheard. at the same time I also became reactive in arguments. I've said hurtful things and acted controlling at times which I deeply regret.

we seem to trigger each other in arguments because I can become overwhelmed and have meltdowns where I say things I regret and then he becomes reactive and continues the argument when I'm clearly overwhelmed then I shut down for hours and struggle to recover. there was also a period of time where I only felt seen during emotionally intense moments.

there has also been some trust issues. I sent a very emotional voice message and he shared it with his therapist without me expecting it to be shared. also made it clear that I didn't want him talking about our relationship issues to my best friend (who is also someone who he talks to but they're not too close) and he went on and had a very brief conversation about us, even if the conversation was brief, I still felt like my boundaries were crossed.

we also have the same country as our end goal in our postgraduate studies, although he wants to start in that country and I suggested maybe not starting there yet as I don't have the money and I'm not emotionally well enough to do that. I suggested doing our postgraduate studies there and he agreed to do some research but before he agreed he went on to tiptoe around calling me immature.

despite all of this, there has been many good moments. we laugh and spend a lot of time together and have strong emotional connection, But all that this conflict lowered my attraction towards him and that's a very big issue because even if we're having good moments, it's always in the back of my head. that's why this is so confusing.

Is this kind of cycle something that could realistically be fixed with communication changes? How can we handle conflict? is there such thing as incompatibility? because I believe that you could really work out things if you really want to.