u/Hatecookie

Last year, I spent 6 months caring for my dying uncle because my family is so fucked up that it fell to me, the only responsible person, of course. I was there nearly every day to see him, make sure the nursing home was doing their job, getting his finances in order, etc. I held his hand as he was dying. I listened to his woes, that he was dying so young (60) and my mom wasn't speaking to him because she's delusional, he was sad, the whole situation was sad. He passed in January and I don't know that I've fully gotten closure on it.

Last night, my boyfriend's dad had a low blood pressure episode so severe that he stopped breathing. He slumped over at the table, stopped breathing, and I did all the first aid stuff I know to do, and it worked, he came back. He's fine now, they released him from the hospital early this morning with a warning to lay off the downers. Tomorrow is his daughter's wedding, which is why we are here. I am in this weird state of unreality, I guess I'm dissociating. I'm still socializing and behaving somewhat normally, if a little emotionally flatter than usual.

This is just a weird situation and I'm sure I'll be fine. I can't find the words to describe how I feel. In shock. I wish I had someone to talk to who has been through something similar. Part of me is like, proud of myself for leaping to action when my boyfriend and his stepmom were panicking. But I don't know. I keep thinking about how fragile his ribs felt, like I was going to break them. How small and frail he looked on the ground like that. How it would have destroyed my boyfriend forever if he had dropped dead in front of him. Everyone is being cool, like, telling me I did a great job and stuff. I've just got a lot of stuff going through my head.

I have no knowledge in this area except what I’ve learned from TV. My father in law and partner and I were sitting on the back porch having a glass of wine, and he just nodded off and started moaning in a way that sounded involuntary, like seizing. I watched him for a couple of seconds wondering if he would start shaking and he maybe did very subtly. at that point I was in his face listening for breathing. I heard him take a breath, exhale, no inhale. I waited and waited, no inhale, his face is getting pale. I yelled to get him on the ground and I shook him a bit, he even bumped his head on the table with no reaction, so I started chest compressions. one two there four and listened for breath, nothing, one two three four, nothing, I was like okay one two three four and if he doesn’t breath I’m doing mouth to mouth, he gasped. he was super out of it, I kept him awake and talking until the ambulance arrived.

Apparently he had been drinking all day before we got here on an empty stomach, took half a Xanax and one of his wife’s blood pressure meds(I do not know why).

What could or should I have done differently? I made sure his head was on the grass once he was down.

Was this the correct course of action? I keep doubting myself that he wasn’t breathing and it’s making me feel kinda crazy. His wife is acting like he just drank too much and got dehydrated. I’m not here about the family drama, just my own feelings/need for support and information.

I work from home now, so my schedule is whatever I make it. All weekend, I deprived myself from sleep to spend time with my kids. This is becoming sort of routine. We split custody, and I don't want to miss time with them, so I don't sleep much from Friday to Monday. Last night, I was so sleep deprived, I fell asleep at 10pm and woke up at 6:30 this morning. I felt like puking. This has been the case my entire life. I can remember being in school as a kid, feeling sick every morning until about 11am. When I sleep on a schedule my choosing, say 4am-noon, I never get sick.

I don't understand how it works. 8 hours of sleep during daylight hours feels fantastic, 8 hours of equal quality sleep at night makes me wake up feeling sick. Anybody else deal with something like this? Suggestions? Advice for those rare days when I do have to get up before 8am?