u/Haunted_Nebula

I know this is dumb- I know I shouldn’t be ‘stopping my own life’ for this- however, I just need to get it out. Husband and one of my best friends have desperately told me this is not a good way to think so I guess I don’t really want advice but I want to hear if anyone’s had the sam reservations???

My reasons for waiting aren’t ’good’ or ‘rational’, I know that. I’m scared of the changes is the smaller more sidelined reason- the main one is that I have multiple friends actively trying who has wanted this forever and probably want it more than me and I’m afraid that whilst so far they’ve all been unlucky, if I somehow was an outlier and it was very fast for us, I feel like I’d be taking something from them since I’m the one who wasn’t sure about kids until recently. I’m worried if this happens and there were any issues for them that were abnormally prolonged that it was ruin our friendship and I’d lose them.

I know this probably sounds like I’m just selfish and a bit weird but in my head I’d be an awful person if we were trying at the same time or managed earlier than them. I know it’s mad but I need to know if anyone had similar reservations and how you started thinking rationally about it.

As suggested, I have health anxiety all the time anyway, but in the run up to ttc it’s becoming obsessive- not in a detrimental way I don’t think but more I’m confusing myself.
I’ve been constantly researching for almost 6 months now absolutely everything I can to the point where I think all ive done is confuse myself.

I’m worried I’m going to carry some genetic issues I don’t know of, I’m worried my vitamin levels are wrong, I’m worried I have weird eggs, I’m worried about literally every possible step of this whole thing and it’s making me wait becausw im so scared of doing anything even the slightest bit wrong. Everything seems conflicting- take supplements as far ahead as possible, only take them 3 months before. Stop drinking totally, don’t bother until pregnant etc etc then there’s the whole actual pregnancy I just know I’ll absolutely freak out and anything I think ‘seems off’ which unfortunately happens a lot.

I feel like the obvious answer is talk to my doctor about it all and follow what they have to say, but I week weirdly embarrassed about asking them? Like I’m supposed to know everything somehow and they’re going to think I’m stupid.

If it was fully up to me I’d want as many tests ran as I can, but my friends think I’m mental and panicking too much- I personally see it as a matter of if I’m choosing a child why wouldn’t I choose to give it the best start that I can within my control.

I’m unsure want I want from this, maybe a rant, maybe some advice, maybe just not to feel so alone and like I’m wrong for wanting to put effort into this…

This might have been asked a million times so if there’s a master post of this stuff please point me to it.

Where do you start with working out what you need to do? I feel like there’s so much in terms of testing for both male and female fertility, so many different sets of supplements etc- where do you even begin to narrow it all down?

Also what tests are beneficial? Who do yo uneven organise them with? Is it standard GP stuff or more specialist? I’m a paranoid person ans have a lot of health anxiety so ideally would want as much as possible checked ahead.

Also vitamins? Folic acid?? I’ve googled everything so much but I cannot wrap my head around it all and it feels like so much to take in and so much conflicting information..