I love this style of eye makeup but can’t seem to replicate it. I already have the Milani Whiskey Business pallet but it’s clearly the wrong shades because no matter how many times I try, can’t get close to this look. I don’t want to waste more money buying the wrong shades so I’m hoping for some tips/recommendations for eyeshadow pallets that look like this?
I got matching bracelets from Greece for my mom and I, she wore hers out and it fell off very quickly and repeatedly. I’ve been scared to wear mine out ever since but I really want to wear it to an event next week. Is there anything I can do to ensure it will stay on?
I (30F) am having a conflict with my closest friend of 10 years and it’s changing how I see her. A few years ago, she went “no contact” after I confronted her about ignoring me when I was making sure she was OK. We got into a fight about it and didn’t talk for a year but when we did, she felt justified in her actions. It’s ok for people to take space for themselves but without proper communication, especially when I was already worried about her, affected my own wellbeing. It changed how I saw our relationship and struggled to get her to see my side. It felt like she had this control to turn our friendship off whenever she wanted, at the smallest upset. It made me feel like I was walking on eggshells. Suffice to say, she’s avoidant attachment and I’m anxious attachment.
Last summer, we took a trip with some of her childhood friends. We were walking back to our hotel one night and something happened. My friend was walking with her other friend behind me, so I didn’t see it but when I realized they were sitting on the curb, went to see what was going on. She immediately turned her whole body away from me as I approached, looking angry and upset. Some more context, my friend has PTSD and I have low level OCD which is usually expressed in needing reassurance that people weren’t angry at me. So this response to my presence immediately triggered my anxiety. Her other friend pulled me aside and told me that something happened to my friend and she couldn’t talk about it, that we needed to act like everything was normal.
We got back to the hotel where 4 of us (2 girls I barely knew and my best friend) were sharing a room. I started getting more paranoid that I had done something really bad (OCD) and that everyone in the room hated me for it. I was trying to fight this intrusive thought but I was on the verge of packing and leaving because I was so paranoid that everyone in the room wanted me gone. My nerves finally broke and I texted my friend who was 10 feet away from me, “I know you don’t want to talk about what happened, but are you mad at me?” She read the message and immediately crumpled into the pillow crying and handed her phone to the other friend. Her friend reads my message and out loud says, “she’s not mad at you”. I felt so embarrassed that I was trying to have a private conversation with her and she just passed me off to this other person.
The next day, her friend explained to me that a stranger did something to my friend on the street and triggered her PTSD. This other friend guessed that because she was with her when it happened, my best friend attached herself solely to her. I immediately forgot my negative experience and felt so horrible for my friend. We went on as normal for the remainder of the trip, never bringing it up.
Last fall, my best friend calls me and asks if we can talk about that night. I was hopeful that she was finally going to open up but instead she said, “I thought you asking me if I was mad at you while I was dealing with trauma was really selfish”. This caught me by surprise and I immediately told her I couldn’t talk about this before I started getting angry. She texted me right afterwards and said “it sucks we can’t handle conflict”.
I felt so attacked and astonished at her hypocrisy considering the last few years. I wrote her explaining the torment of my OCD from the situation, worrying that I had done something wrong but not knowing what, telling her all the efforts and mental gymnastics I made not to cave to my compulsion for reassurance. That I was on the verge of literally leaving the hotel in a foreign country because I was so paranoid. I told her what happened to her was horrible but it didn’t feel fair to expect me to know how to handle the situation without any communication. It would be different if she told me the context of the situation and I still compulsively asked if she was mad at me. But I had no idea. It feels like she’s telling me her mental struggles outweigh mine. I’m trying to find this balance between showing sympathy for what happened to her and standing up for myself. She had no compassion when she responded, telling me I was holding on to our previous conflict, that I had several instances of “insecurities” during the trip that affected her time. She told me I needed to take responsibility for my OCD.
I have sought out therapy since this incident and am practicing CBT and trying to understand her side of things. My therapist doesn’t think I did anything wrong but I can’t let go the idea that I’m missing something. I understand a level of frustration at my “insecurity” interfering with a traumatic moment for her. That she needed me to show up for her in a specific way. I understand that what she experienced was far worse than my anxieties. But I didn’t throw a fit, I didn’t start demanding to tell me what happened or trying to make it about me. I tried very hard to curb my anxiety and when I couldn’t, delicately asked a single question. I can’t understand how that warrants this anger from her and calling me selfish. Am I wrong?
Every time I write a response, it’s really mean and would probably end the friendship. I want to call her out for her hypocrisy telling me to deal with my OCD when she doesn’t manage her PTSD, but it feels like I’m blaming her for what happened to her on the street. The last thing I want to do is victim blame but at the same time, it feels like she’s using her trauma to act however she wants/needs, even if it hurts those around her. Is this selfish of me? I need advice if there’s something I’m missing from her perspective, if I did mess up. And if I didn’t, then how do I get her to see my perspective, how do I confront her harshness and what feels like abuse of therapy lingo without burning the bridge?