u/Hawna-Banana

I cannot any feel sexual pleasure, whatsoever. My husband and I have tried what feels like everything under the sun, including recommendations from my gynecologist. Penetration doesn't feel like anything to me*. I understand that that's normal, so we've tried a lot of clitoral stimulation, but that just feels numb or sometimes slightly stingy (in a painful, unpleasant way). We've tried vibrators to no avail. I have never been able to masturbate, despite having tried extensively through a variety of methods. All of it feels like absolutely nothing.

*By "it doesn't feel like anything," I mean that it just feels like touching would anywhere else on your body, like your arm.

I do desire and enjoy sex. It feels amazingly emotional and I feel very connected to him. And it makes me very happy to make him feel good. I just feel that I'm missing out on something very special, that I would really like to share with him.

I am not anxious or depressed (in fact I am extremely happy and content in my life). I have the implant and am taking medication for hypothyroidism, but these issues predate both. I've done hormonal testing and am told that everything looks optimal.

For a while we thought that maybe I'm asexual. But to my understanding, that would also mean a lack of sexual desire—which is absolutely not the case for me—I get extremely horny, for lack of a better word. But no matter how much I'm in the mood, no matter how much foreplay we do, I end up with this weird emptiness inside after we have sex, like I'm halfway (emotionally) satisfied, but also like something is missing that I don't even understand.

My husband is extremely distressed by all of this. He desperately wants to please me, and after so much trying and experimentation, he's began to wonder if he's broken or inadequate somehow. Which makes my heart break into pieces, because he's perfect. I've told him I think it's some kind of neurological problem (I have epilepsy, so I wonder if some crucial neural pathway in my brain was damaged. My neurologist says it's not impossible, but that there isn't anything she can do for me either way).

I haven't been able to find anybody else who seems to go through what I'm going through. Just women in their teens or early 20s who are still figuring out their bodies, emotions, etc. That isn't my situation. I'm at my wits end. I just want advice, or to hear that I'm not alone in this.