u/Head_Badger

Last night I (25M) went out with a girl (20F), we’ll call her T, that I’ve been talking to for a few months. The night started off normal. We were playing pool, doing different games at the bar, and honestly having a really good time together. We’re not officially dating yet, but we both agreed to be exclusive.

About two hours into the night, one of my friends and the girl he’s talking to showed up and joined us. At some point (I was slightly drunk, so I don’t remember exactly how it came up) my friend jokingly asked T if she was talking to any other guys. For some reason, she handed him her phone.

When he opened Instagram, he found one conversation that immediately looked suspicious. He quickly turned the phone toward me before T grabbed it back and shoved it into her purse.
At that point, my stomach dropped. I paid my tab and went outside with her to talk privately. I asked her honestly what was going on, but she avoided answering. I told her I could tell she was hiding something and that if she wouldn’t show me, I’d walk away and be done with it.

She finally handed me the phone. I opened Instagram, clicked the conversation, and immediately saw a heart emoji before she quickly grabbed the phone back again and put it away. I told her one last time that if she didn’t let me see it, I was leaving.

She didn’t answer and just stared off, so I got up and walked away.

A few moments later she ran after me, hugged me, and gave me the phone back, telling me I could look through anything. When I opened the conversation, I saw messages where they were calling each other things like “my love” and other affectionate names.
At that point I figured I’d already opened the can of worms, so I looked further. Surprisingly, that was basically it. There were no dating apps, no suspicious conversations with multiple guys, and the rest of her messages looked normal aside from random Instagram DMs she never responded to.

When I asked her about the guy, she told me they had never met in person. According to her, she had wanted to cut things off with him for a while but didn’t know how, and she claimed she never truly meant the things she was saying to him.

Then, maybe because of the alcohol and emotions, she took her phone, messaged him that they were done, told him not to contact her again, and blocked him right in front of me.

We talked for another hour. She admitted she didn’t really know why she kept talking to him and said she felt terrible for hurting me. Eventually I told her I needed time to think and went home.

Now I’m conflicted.

I really liked her and genuinely felt like we had a strong connection. At the same time, we agreed to be exclusive, and she broke that trust and hid it from me.
Part of why I’m struggling is because of how we became exclusive in the first place. About a month ago, she unexpectedly ran into me while I was on another date. At that time, T and the other girl had both been in my life for around the same amount of time, and I was still figuring out who I wanted to pursue seriously. After thinking it through and talking honestly with both of them, I chose T, ended things respectfully with the other girl, and committed to being exclusive.

That’s why this situation feels complicated to me. The difference is that when she found me on another date, we weren’t exclusive yet. When I found out about this guy, we already were.

So now I’m stuck trying to figure out whether this is something worth working through or if it’s better to walk away now before getting more emotionally invested.

So how would you handle this? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Last night I (25M) went out with a girl (20F), we’ll call her T, that I’ve been talking to for a few months. The night started off normal. We were playing pool, doing different games at the bar, and honestly having a really good time together. We’re not officially dating yet, but we both agreed to be exclusive.

About two hours into the night, one of my friends and the girl he’s talking to showed up and joined us. At some point (I was slightly drunk, so I don’t remember exactly how it came up) my friend jokingly asked T if she was talking to any other guys. For some reason, she handed him her phone.

When he opened Instagram, he found one conversation that immediately looked suspicious. He quickly turned the phone toward me before T grabbed it back and shoved it into her purse.
At that point, my stomach dropped. I paid my tab and went outside with her to talk privately. I asked her honestly what was going on, but she avoided answering. I told her I could tell she was hiding something and that if she wouldn’t show me, I’d walk away and be done with it.

She finally handed me the phone. I opened Instagram, clicked the conversation, and immediately saw a heart emoji before she quickly grabbed the phone back again and put it away. I told her one last time that if she didn’t let me see it, I was leaving.

She didn’t answer and just stared off, so I got up and walked away.

A few moments later she ran after me, hugged me, and gave me the phone back, telling me I could look through anything. When I opened the conversation, I saw messages where they were calling each other things like “my love” and other affectionate names.
At that point I figured I’d already opened the can of worms, so I looked further. Surprisingly, that was basically it. There were no dating apps, no suspicious conversations with multiple guys, and the rest of her messages looked normal aside from random Instagram DMs she never responded to.

When I asked her about the guy, she told me they had never met in person. According to her, she had wanted to cut things off with him for a while but didn’t know how, and she claimed she never truly meant the things she was saying to him.

Then, maybe because of the alcohol and emotions, she took her phone, messaged him that they were done, told him not to contact her again, and blocked him right in front of me.

We talked for another hour. She admitted she didn’t really know why she kept talking to him and said she felt terrible for hurting me. Eventually I told her I needed time to think and went home.

Now I’m conflicted.

I really liked her and genuinely felt like we had a strong connection. At the same time, we agreed to be exclusive, and she broke that trust and hid it from me.
Part of why I’m struggling is because of how we became exclusive in the first place. About a month ago, she unexpectedly ran into me while I was on another date. At that time, T and the other girl had both been in my life for around the same amount of time, and I was still figuring out who I wanted to pursue seriously. After thinking it through and talking honestly with both of them, I chose T, ended things respectfully with the other girl, and committed to being exclusive.

That’s why this situation feels complicated to me. The difference is that when she found me on another date, we weren’t exclusive yet. When I found out about this guy, we already were.

So now I’m stuck trying to figure out whether this is something worth working through or if it’s better to walk away now before getting more emotionally invested.