u/Heart_Shaped_Pickle

I’m almost 30 and I still have the same “cute” or ever since being told as a teenager by a friend of mine, an “annoying” face. Not to mention I’m very short which adds to the infantilisation that often gets projected on to me. Ever since I was an older kid, I noticed most of my peers faces looked pretty or even just accurate for their age. But I have always been told that I look so young and cute and that has never helped me as I have always felt sick at the sight of my face and the unbalanced features.

My eyes are small, my nose is really big and bulbous, my mouth is small and narrow and the lips downturn at rest. My teeth are quite small and lean inward a bit. My face whilst small, is fat and round and I always carry weight in my face unless I literally don’t eat. My face is still to this day, acne ridden despite trying many different medications and skincare to try and treat it. I also have a deformity along with many other things that contribute to making me unattractive. My hair is also full of cowlicks so my hair never sits right on my head. There is so much else wrong but you get the picture..

I hate that I’m still struggling with this all. I was obviously delusional but I did used to hold out *some* hope that it would get better as I got older but if anything, it’s only gotten worse. Everyone my age looks mature (in a good way) and beautiful. Most have grown into their features if they had a bigger nose for example. Mine still takes over my face and the bulbousness has certainly not thinned down even though somehow my sisters has (she also had a bulbous nose). Again, to this day I’ll be called “cute” when all I have ever wanted was to be perceived as “beautiful” or “hot” or even.. “sexy”. I never hear those words. I actually wince when I hear other people complement others and call them “so beautiful/hot/sexy”. It pains me to hear others being called that. I seethe with envy. When will it be my turn? Probably never. As I mentioned before too, I was told by a “friend” of mine when I was a teenager that my face was really annoying. This devastated me as the truth is that I see it too. I knew exactly what she meant by that. It sticks with me every day.

Can anybody else relate? I of course feel sorry for you if you can relate because I clearly know how badly it sucks but I guess I just want to feel less alone in this. I don’t know anybody else in my life with body image issues or dysmorphia this bad when it comes to the face.

Sorry if this title doesn’t make sense but for context:

There’s a single mom I follow on TikTok who last year lost her teenage son because he got in a car with his drunk driving friend and was killed. The mom decided to cremate her son but now a year later has changed her mind and decided she (and the ex, the father of the son) want to bury the cremains in a specific cemetery. Her recent tiktok was explaining that the plot her son deserves to be buried in is directly next to an old church in the cemetery but that it’s insanely expensive in that location. The son’s father also decided then that the son *has* to be buried by a tree. So they were shown one plot left that has a tree and is directly next to the church but it will cost $50K. Neither of them have anywhere near that kind of money.

So she pleaded in her TikTok for us (her followers) to donate to a gofundme made so that they can put their son’s cremains in this very specific extortionately priced plot. That costs $50K. And she has only a week to make a down payment on it which will cost a few grand. This has really rubbed me the wrong way because everybody loses a person, working class parents lose children all the time and yes it sucks that plots can be so expensive but if you cannot afford it, why change your mind a year later and decide your son *needs* to be in the most expensive plot in the cemetery? Asking your followers to donate to make up the $50K is quite frankly delusional and quite self centred if you ask me. This woman isn’t an influencer or anything btw, just a mother who’s been posting on TikTok ever since she lost her son and has gained a few thousand (maybe tens of thousands) followers because of it.

I grew up in a family where there are huge differences in wealth and it has had a major impact on my sense of self, how I’m treated by others, expectations, intense shame and so on. In my case, I’m more so dealing with myself and one other sibling being incredibly broke, struggling to put food on our table vs our other siblings being well respected multi millionaires. I’m desperate to find a sub where people who are affected by this kind of disparity can discuss and empathise. It’s quite an isolating and bizarre thing to experience.