Eight years ago I started taking Sertraline (Zoloft) for depression after two suicide attempts. 6 days ago I stopped taking it and I’m beginning to feel like myself again. That little pill saved my life, that’s for sure, but I also feel as though it has been holding me back a lot. Like I’ve been living half a life. AMA
My darling girl, I wish I knew how to make things right between us. I know I’ve made mistakes, I know that we ended because of me. At the time, I took you for granted and now… well sometimes you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.
You told me what you needed, and whilst I was listening, I guess I never truly heard you. If I could go back in time you wouldn’t have needed to tell me, because I would have given you what you needed without question, without hesitation and with happiness and gratitude in my heart.
I would say the sertraline had a lot to do with it, now that I’m almost off the stuff, I can say with certainty that it was holding me back. But I can’t place all blame on that, I’m taking accountability for my failures and I am working on myself. I will make myself better than I was, than I am. And I am going to do that for me, not anyone else, not even you. Because regardless of whether or not we get back together, I know what sort of person I want to be.
Part of me wants to say that since we “started over” at the beach, I didn’t have much of a chance to show you the changes I’m already putting into place. Emotions were still high, still raw. But I know by that point it was already too little too late. I hope one day in the future we can be more than friends. I know you said you’re not interested in dating again anytime soon. I just hope that by the time you are, I’ll have earned one last chance to win your heart and give you everything you deserve, everything you desired from me when we were together and more.
Right now, things feel so bleak, you said you wanted us to remain friends and I know things will take time, but life feels so empty without you. I’m trying to reach out every now and then, to reestablish a friendship, but you seem cold towards me, despite saying you have no ill feelings towards me. I guess everything just takes time. I know I can be impatient.
I love you more than I have ever loved anyone. When we were together I felt as though I had finally woken up from a lifelong dream. I felt ready to tackle anything life threw at me. I began to look at the world, not with resentment, but with curiosity and wanderlust. You gave me the best year of my life, and considering I lost my dad the same year, I feel that says a lot.
I’m rambling. I’m sorry. I love you.