u/Heavens-Decay

I genuinely want women's perspective on this because this whole thing has messed with my head badly.

A few years ago I met a girl through Reddit. At that time both of us were lonely in our own ways. She had recently gone through a breakup and was new in Delhi and I was struggling with friendships and loneliness in college.

We started talking a lot because we lived close to each other. She was 2 years older than me. Eventually we became really close friends. I used to spend entire days at her place sometimes, we'd drink together, watch stuff, all that stuff friends do.

She was honestly the first person who ever made me feel genuinely valued. Ive always been insecure about my looks because throughout my life people have made fun of them openly including friends. So when someone actually treated me warmly, respected me and constantly told me how sweet and caring I was obviously I got attached. Over time I fell in love with her.

We had been friends for almost 4 years atp, so I finally confessed recently. I told her I liked her and that I genuinely loved her. Her response completely shocked me. She said something along the lines of

"Tune apni shakal dekhi hai? (Have you even seen your face?) I only became friends with you out of pity because I was lonely after my breakup. Tune use pyaar samjh liya, Ch**tiye? (You mistook my kindness for love) and then she asked me to leave and stopped talking to me after that.

Now honestly I understand that nobody is obligated to love me back. Rejection itself is not what hurt me the most. What hurt me was the way it was said.

And now I genuinely dont know what to think anymore when people say stuff like looks dont matter, personality matters more, and what not. Because whenever Ive tried in real life my looks eventually become the deciding factor.

So I wanna ask women here honestly 1. Was she justified in reacting like that? 2. Do women sometimes feel uncomfortable when a close male friend confesses? 3. Did I ruin the friendship by confessing? 4. And how much do looks matter when deciding whether you could ever date someone?

Please be honest. Im not here to argue or hate on women. Im genuinely tryna understand what went wrong here because this whole thing destroyed my confidence.

Edit : Thanks to everyone who commented and shared their perspective. I wanted to reply to all of you but I think my replies are getting removed because of low karma.

After reading everything Ive realized that we both handled things badly in different ways. She couldve rejected me without humiliating me and I also shouldnt have built my entire emotional world around one person just because they showed me kindness and companionship during a lonely phase of my life. I think I got too emotionally invested because she was genuinely the closest person I had for years.

But thank you all once again. Your comments genuinely helped me think more clearly instead of staying angry and bitter.

Ill try to move on now and focus on myself for a while. and hopefully learn how to not become emotionally dependent on one person again. Thanks

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This is very serious for me, and I hope you all read this fully. Im originally from Bihar and my father was the first person in our family who managed to settle in Delhi. I joined him later for college and it's been around four years since I moved here. Since then my life has felt completely controlled.

My father has put extreme restrictions on me. During college, I wasnt even allowed to stay there for more than 6 hours. I had to return home by 3pm daily so I could do household chores. Alongside that I also worked part-time to help pay my college fees. That part was okay because at least I felt like I was doing something for myself. But things got much worse.

He forces me to bathe with the bathroom door open because he thinks I might do something obscene even though Ive never given him any reason to think that way. He checks my phone every single day my gallery, WhatsApp, everything just to make sure Im not talking to girls or spending money on anyone. Im 23yo yet Im still not allowed to stay outside after 10pm.

Sometimes he beats me too. I still have marks on my back because of it. A lot of his anger comes from the frustration and humiliation he faces at work, where people mock him for being from Bihar despite his achievements. But all that anger gets taken out on me. Ive never really had a normal life here. I couldnt make friends because he would interfere in every friendship. Ive barely seen Delhi despite living here for four years. Sundays are the only time Im allowed outside for a few hours and even then, I mostly sit alone in parks.

Recently, he even forced me to quit my part time job because he found out I had secretly saved some money for myself. Now he wants me to work with him directly so he can keep an eye on me all the time. I feel mentally exhausted. Sometimes I feel so trapped that suicidal thoughts come to my mind. Im not writing this for sympathy, and Im not asking anyone to feel sorry for me. I just need some emotional support. Maybe someone I can talk to online occasionally. Someone I can inform if things ever go really bad.

I already have a plan to leave this place, but it may take me around a year to make it possible. Until then, I just need enough strength to survive this phase without completely breaking down.