u/Heavy-Mushroom

Ugh, been a few days since I’ve been around. I’ve been stuck back because the body experienced a bipolar mixed episode which triggers Frusty out: an aggressively frustrated male that is hyper-critical of everything. Thank God though our cycles are rapid and only lasts a few days to a week. At least this version of mixed episodes only happen once in a few months, depending when the 2 cycles (negative mood & high energy) peak together.

I don’t know which is worse… bipolar, DID, or the combination of both. Probably most likely the combo because bad things can happen and has happened. I usually have to end up apologizing for the body’s behavior afterwards and try making up which can be exhausting (what’s going to happen today). :(

Going to keep this short and sweet before our story teller (that over explains everything 😆) decides to lend a helping hand.

Anyone have switches that are brought about other conditions that are beyond your control?

😭 I have discovered Frusty quit unemployment and we were just now approved. Took us weeks to get to this point had having to start over for the second time. One of life facts- doing the same thing over and over for the same result. :(

It hit me today… didn’t expect it. When a depressive episode hits… I’m a dissociated mess.

All the traumatized, hurt, desperate wanting to d@e parts are triggered and the mind flips back and forth between their woes.

Things are taken slowly, the arms bear the testimony of their pain, scratched in and faded.

Between this and the agony of life- we’ve parts that just won’t give in to the blackest of moods keeping their want to away.

We’re medicated enough, so it’s not the blackest of days like it used to be- just something that we know that we must endure as one of the curses of our existence for we too know that for every beginning that there is an ending… and that this too will soon be over and a new time will soon begin.

Yes, moods can trigger the rise of the quiet, the hidden, and the hurt. Be kind to your inner parts for they are in much more pain that you ever think you know- they survived.

Ease up on yourself and give yourself a hug, we have survived childhood trauma/abuse regardless of where we are at in our frame of mind, treated or untreated, diagnosed or undiagnosed.

For those that are still under assault and still having to endure the torment of abuse… find a means of escape- so many more options available than I had growing up in the 70’s.

When persecutors won’t ease up- tell them to stop!

Mine meant well at first, protectors encouraging me in tasks to avoid getting beat again, but they said eventually out of frustration they started to scream, yell, curse, and call me names since my teen years, telling me what a screw up I am beating me down: just like my abusers did. Also the organic mind being bipolar didn’t help any but magnified the frustrations making things worse.

Crazy that after 40+ years of me thinking that was normal that I finally one day stood up in mind, put my foot down and demanded them to stop. I called them out for what they were doing, giving back what they always gave me. Surprisingly, that instantly quieted them up for the first time ever in years. They now know that I know and I won’t be tolerating their ill behavior any longer.

I also told them that I can’t concentrate to fix what was messed up over their ridiculous yelling rant because it was consciously mind numbing loud and that they are making things worse.

I still have to mention this to them to this day when they get triggered over something bad that happened because of me. Being that I’m now aware of them and their purpose, I’m quicker to nip it in the bud more often sooner than later.

Standing up to my own mind in a way empowered me to stand up to the people around me that choose to try to ruin my day because of their own inadequacies, faults or simply being mean.

We must win the battle within to be able to successfully deal with life’s daily trials. So, love yourself at least for a bit in that aspect and hope your healing journey begins or continues.

I saw a person upset because she was being targeted with nasty comments from other people in other random subreddits about her concerning her mental health.

Some of us like to keep certain details of our lives private from other subreddits such as this one we are in now. Some may not care. It was suggested to her to make 2 accounts, but here is another way.

You can hide comments and details by going to “You” (your profile)-> “Active in”-> “Content and Activity”-> “Customize”. Now you can select and hide any community, post and comments from public viewing.

Hope this helps. :)

Edit- I want to add that you can turn off “show up in search engine results” in settings.

This is not “private”… but away to hide select communities from your front page.