Is spending time with my "non-official/legal" MIL is mandatory?
Hello. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, since our first year of college where we met. Thing is, his mother is abusive and narcissistic.
With other people, like a good narcissistic person, is nice and kind. Even with me. But inside, with her family, specifically her son, she turns into a very different person, like she really is. She insults, she abuse, she criticise, she yells, she psychologically manipulates and torture him.
She always tell him he's fat and ugly (when she's herself that, I'm sorry), she's always controlling where and with who my bf is going, when we're out or on some trip she calls him (not exaggerating) more than 10 times a day, she's a nurse and very selfish, so she always think she knows everything and therefore she FORCES his son to take any pills "for his health and goodness" - once, no lying, she forced him to take pregnancy pills only pregnant women should take - and she stays to see if he really swallowed them, she forced him to re-take his graduation picture bc it was "the worst picture of him, ugly and fat and stupid", she even went with him to make sure she liked the picture, when he tries to say no to something she mentally tortures him and make his life impossible, when he broke up with his ex in high school she insulted him telling him it was his fault bc he's awful and stupid (when he's the best boyfriend anyone could ask for) oh, and the creepiest thing of her? She doesn't respect his privacy and still enter the bathroom when he's on the toilet or worse, taking a shower, and she even once told him: your gf is a lucky girl. Like, WHAT??? And the worst thing about this last fact is that he has normalised this type of attitudes, and he's SO used to his mother seeing him naked (or seeing her naked bc she also goes around the house naked) that he thinks is normal, that a grown up 25 year old man is openly be seen by his mother. She also kisses him (when she's not being abusive and have a sudden burst of giving love to him) A LOT on his face and NECK (ya know, like a mother use to do with a 2 years old son)... well and I could keep going and going (have I mentioned he has panic attacks and physical problems bc of her?) Anyways, the thing is she always want me to hangout with her, and go to trips with them, or eat with them (yes he's an only child) and my bf also tells me is normal to hangout many times with his parents bc I'm his girlfriend and that is what girlfriends do, but I really do NOT want bc I don't like her, even though with me she's nice, but I can't forget what she does to him or do like nothing and I don't want to spend any minute with her if possible but the problem is that if some day I don't want to go to a picnic or smt she starts insulting his son and making his life impossible, and to avoid her insulting me too he throws shit to him. I don't want to spend time with her bc she tries to put me against his own son, trying to make me make fun of him infront of him, or trying to make me insult him like, "he's fat and ugly right? Tell him tell him!" And if I try to defend him from her insults she gets mad mad.
I'm too tired and I know they'll someday be my in-laws bc I really want to marry this guy, bc he's nothing like his mother but is it mandatory that I have to hangout with her just bc she's his mother and I'm dating his son? I need some help guys 😔 like did y'all also had to hangout with your MILS that much?