u/Hediak-Chigashi

I (M 30) met this girl (F 28) about 6 months ago and I just was vibing nothing to it. Then we started talking everyday. She initiated it. We would talk for hours, inquire about our daily wellbeing etc. EVERY SINGKE DAY FOR THE LAST 6 months. Mainly on FaceTime. I will say that I initially did not develop feelings but overtime I did. Whenever we would hangout she never let me close physically, even playfully taps. I told her my thoughts a few months ago and she shut it down and said we should remain friends.

Honestly, I thought I could do it. No biggie. Then one day we went to an occasion and I saw her with another guy and I lost it. Internally. I drank myself to stupor and had to be taken home by someone else. It was devastating. I remember asking her out on a date a few days after. She agreed and at the very last minute she canceled. I was calling her phone and she didn’t pick up. So I don’t hear from her that night and for the next 2 days. Then she calls 2 days later to apologize saying that she got scared because she doesn’t trust herself with alcohol around me. I was like okay. She enjoys my company and me hers more than friends. She could call and we could talk for hours, come to my place and vice versa, go to places. People even think we’re together.

Now, don’t get me wrong, this girl has been the nicest person I’ve met in a while. We have a very strong emotional connection which is where I think my problems begin. This is the third straight time In the last 4-5 years where I have started talking to a girl and getting to know her and by the time I develop feelings and ask her out, it gets shutdown and obviously the relationship is done from there. I would usually pretend to be okay or try to keep the peace but it literally kills be each time.

So I ended things with her a few days ago. I’m in severe pains and mourning the relationship. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I have tried to date casually but it doesn’t do anything for me. I can’t compartmentalize and can only talk to one person at a time. So for example for the last 6 months talking to this girl, I haven’t had any other romantic interests or trysts.

I’m also frustrated that it seems I am always been used as the emotional support animal and then when here’s other guys that they go to have fun with. That’s okay. Nobody owes me anything. I would very much prefer if people called and were emotionally available to those people they have fun with. Because, on my end it seems I am just giving and getting nothing in return unless I too choose to diversify my sexual interests.

I know she wanted a platonic friendship but I felt that it was too close and the investment from me was too much. I would like to start a family and I realize that as adults to w main currency we use to interact with each other is time. I don’t want to invest time I don’t have into something that’s not going anywhere.

This is the third straight time it’s happening so I’m convinced the issue is internal. What can I do to change this? Because I don’t see any evidence that it won’t happen again and I don’t know if I have the will to go through this again. Any feedback would be appreciated.

I (M 30) met this girl (F 28) about 6 months ago and I just was vibing nothing to it. Then we started talking everyday. She initiated it. We would talk for hours, inquire about our daily wellbeing etc. EVERY SINGKE DAY FOR THE LAST 6 months. Mainly on FaceTime. I will say that I initially did not develop feelings but overtime I did. Whenever we would hangout she never let me close physically, even playfully taps. I told her my thoughts a few months ago and she shut it down and said we should remain friends.

Honestly, I thought I could do it. No biggie. Then one day we went to an occasion and I saw her with another guy and I lost it. Internally. I drank myself to stupor and had to be taken home by someone else. It was devastating. I remember asking her out on a date a few days after. She agreed and at the very last minute she canceled. I was calling her phone and she didn’t pick up. So I don’t hear from her that night and for the next 2 days. Then she calls 2 days later to apologize saying that she got scared because she doesn’t trust herself with alcohol around me. I was like okay. She enjoys my company and me hers more than friends. She could call and we could talk for hours, come to my place and vice versa, go to places. People even think we’re together.

Now, don’t get me wrong, this girl has been the nicest person I’ve met in a while. We have a very strong emotional connection which is where I think my problems begin. This is the third straight time In the last 4-5 years where I have started talking to a girl and getting to know her and by the time I develop feelings and ask her out, it gets shutdown and obviously the relationship is done from there. I would usually pretend to be okay or try to keep the peace but it literally kills be each time.

So I ended things with her a few days ago. I’m in severe pains and mourning the relationship. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I have tried to date casually but it doesn’t do anything for me. I can’t compartmentalize and can only talk to one person at a time. So for example for the last 6 months talking to this girl, I haven’t had any other romantic interests or trysts.

I’m also frustrated that it seems I am always been used as the emotional support animal and then when here’s other guys that they go to have fun with. That’s okay. Nobody owes me anything. I would very much prefer if people called and were emotionally available to those people they have fun with. Because, on my end it seems I am just giving and getting nothing in return unless I too choose to diversify my sexual interests.

I know she wanted a platonic friendship but I felt that it was too close and the investment from me was too much. I would like to start a family and I realize that as adults to w main currency we use to interact with each other is time. I don’t want to invest time I don’t have into something that’s not going anywhere.

This is the third straight time it’s happening so I’m convinced the issue is internal. What can I do to change this? Because I don’t see any evidence that it won’t happen again and I don’t know if I have the will to go through this again. Any feedback would be appreciated.