u/Hefty-Resource4222

I’m in my first year of training and I’m wondering whether to carry on, for lots of reasons.

I do like the science behind ophthal, I like seeing (with a senior!) interesting cases. I like (again, with a senior present) performing surgery and am always very proud if I finish a case with no senior input. I worked hard to get into ophthal, it’s super competitive, well respected, I don’t want to waste that. I also wonder if maybe this is all related to the stage of life I’m at (young family, start of training).

I have a lot of concerns that maybe apply to all of medicine rather than just ophthal. The main one being work life balance. I think I expected a better balance. I find on calls lonely and difficult, just me with the consultant on the phone. I feel anxious the week leading up to it and the few days after it worrying about patients. It’s normal to finish late after eye casualty but I hate coming home late and finding I’ve missed part of the evening I could have spent with my child and family.

I have a fear that I don’t expect to go away of harming patients. I worry about vision loss, missing a tear (has happened before), incorrect diagnoses.i feel unsafe most of the time. I spend my time at home worrying about patients until a consultant sees them. I currently have a patient I’m worrying about because I saw them and I’m worried I missed something.

I also fear my level is not where it should be. I don’t find time outside of practice to read or do research.

Essentially I don’t know if it’s worth it. I’m considering applying for a non clinical speciality as the patient contact is a source of anxiety. I also can’t imagine being a consultant and fully responsible for patient outcomes, surgical and clinical. it does not sound fun to me at all.

Is this all anxieties related to the stage I’m at and having a young child or will it continue? I don’t want to have done multiple years of training and look back wishing I hadn’t. I also don’t want to switch and realise in hindsight it was just a phase of life.

I feel overwhelmed and underperforming both in my working life and family life.

I’m an ST1 and due to go LTFT from my next rotation. My question is: is ophthal actually work-life balance friendly?

I haven’t felt it at all tbh. I don’t know if it’s because I’m still early in my training, but it takes me a long time to see patients, especially in eye casualty. I regularly finish late, can get home around 7pm. Same if a laser needs doing, or any extra procedures.

I do one on-call day (24hr) a week, lasting till the next morning, and quite often it’s a weekend. I know compared to other medical specialities it’s absolutely chill (I remember doing week long night shifts and regular 1:3 weekends lol) and I’m grateful that it’s not as intense, but it’s definitely not completely chill either.

It is having an impact on my life outside of medicine. I have a toddler and I feel I don’t get to spend much time with her. We’ve thought about having another child and I can’t imagine managing 2 kids and coming home at 7pm and doing on calls (my husband is also working full time but finishes at 5 usually. No other support system in place).

Does life get easier as a consultant? I can’t imagine being older and still coming in for emergency procedures/operations.

I’m very seriously considering applying to another training scheme or transitioning to academia. But I’ve been told I’ll probably experience different types of stressors.

I do enjoy ophthal as a speciality, but:
- I feel anxious about patients
- complaints scare me lol
- my clinical knowledge is definitely subpar
- I’m struggling with out of hours work
- expectations to read and sit exams outside of work, kind of unrealistic when you have a whole household and child to manage plus on calls
- occasional mean consultants

I don’t find my current trust that supportive, but it’s not an intense deanery either where there’s lots of patients or complicated cases.

Any feedback about whether as a senior/consultant it gets any better or more family friendly would be really helpful