u/Hefty_Fig_7644

I’m at my breaking point. Literally spiraling into a depression as I type this. This is a rant. I am really upset. Please be kind or scroll on.

I just walked out of the only interview I’ve been able to land. I’ve lost count of how many custom tailored applications I’ve sent. Literally all of the companies have rejected or ghosted me. So imagine my delight when I was selected for an interview last week.

Before I continue l, it’s important to note that I found out about this job while I was chaperoning a high school career fair field trip. The job is a road maintenance technician for my state’s department of transportation. It’s a totally different field than what I’m in now (I’m a paraprofessional). I applied because the men at the booth were very encouraging and kind. I’m looking for a big change and career advancement opportunities.

I walked in to my interview today, and they handed me a sheet of paper with questions on it that I would be asked so that I could prepare. Awesome! But at the bottom of the sheet, one of the questions mentioned that I would be on call 24/7. Holidays, weekends, and nights included. And I MUST report to headquarters within 30 minutes of getting called.

Uh…what? I did see something about being on call but I was under the impression that I would be on call in shifts. Not indefinitely! I’m sure it was stated somewhere in the job posting. And that’s on me for missing that detail. But that doesn’t make this situation suck any less.

I can’t be on call 24/7. How are people supposed to enjoy their life being on call 24/7? How can you ever make plans? Appointments?? What if I’m on my way home from the store with cold groceries?? I literally don’t understand!! That doesn’t work for me. So I stood up and thanked them for their time and interest, but explained that being on call 24/7 doesn’t work for me. Then I left.

24/7 on call for 50k. Fuck that. I am just so exhausted and falling into a very depressed state. I live in a very rural area so opportunities are SCARCE. I would love to move away but that requires MONEY🫩. My current job pays literal poverty wages. Living a hand to mouth existence right now and barely making it work. That was the one interview I could land. But 50k is not worth the sacrifice of knowing that I could be called in at any second. Literally all my time would be spent worrying about whether or not I’d have to go to work.

Earlier today I made a post about how I missed my days of mindless grocery shopping. I talked about eating a whole lotta burritos. I forgot to mention that the reason I’m eating burritos is because someone in my household bought an unhinged amount of tortillas. I hate food waste so that’s how we got here. Thank you everyone for your suggestions, commiseration, and humorous comments.

The other thing I’m going through is not having the funds to drive to the gym anymore. 😭

For the last 5 years, I’ve lived in an extremely rural area (it’s all I can afford) and getting to the nearest gym (Planet Fitness) is a 30 minute drive on the highway. One way. I’ve always felt a sense of conviction about driving so far just to exercise but found ways to justify it. But not anymore. I can’t do it anymore.

Gas has gotten so expensive and my car needs repairs at the moment. I’m waiting a few more paychecks to have enough cash to drop it off at the mechanic. I only drive it for absolutely essential reasons in the meantime.

As I’ve gone to the gym less and less, I’ve been getting pudgy. It’s not out of control but I gained 15 lbs in the last year. I’m short, so it’s noticeable. And I feel the extra load on my body. I HATEEEEEE home workouts. I have so much trouble getting motivated to do it. At the gym, I draw my motivation from other people. I have a mildly competitive personality. So, seeing others is incredibly effective for me.

Even just walking isn’t my jam. I love the stair master. But, I’m coming to the realization that if I don’t move my ass somehow, I’m just going to keep gaining weight. I like to eat, but I’m not burning anything off. I keep waiting for my circumstances to change like a delusional person. But there’s no way I’ll be able to move. It’s not like my town is building a gym. Nothing will change unless I do. So I asked my husband to tune up my bike. I got a few dumbbells in the basement. It’s not my first or second choice but this is the only realistic solution. If I can work this into my routine, I’ll feel so successful.

Wish me luck.

I made significantly more money about 7 years ago. Back then, I would prance around high end health food stores and load up my cart with whatever looked interesting. I was young and stupid. But oh what fun I had.

Fast forward to the present moment and here I am eating burritos for every meal. Usually egg, potato and powdered cheddar. I stocked up on green chili sauce when I was in New Mexico earlier this year, so having that with my burritos adds some novelty. Sometimes I’m able to do chicken and bean burritos. Smothered in sauce. But it’s always burritos!

Although, last night I did switch it up. I dug chicken nuggets out of my freezer. But they left my stomach hurting this morning. :(
Back to burritos.

I’ll start by noting that I haven’t had my nails professionally done in 10 years because it’s obviously an unnecessary expense. But my birthday is coming up and the plan is to see a concert and have a weekend getaway. I’ve been looking forward to it for months and I’m very excited. We are using my husband’s reward points to book a free hotel stay. He travels for work, so we’re taking advantage of that. I thought hey, it could be really nice to get my nails done! I looked around online and that dream quickly disappeared. The prices made my eyes bulge out of my skull. I remember when a full acrylic set was $25. I don’t know how the women at my job keep their nails done all the time. What a massive, ongoing expense. An old bottle of nail polish will have to suffice!❤️