Should I tell one of my “friends” that the other is thinking of breaking up with them and talks shit about them all the time?
Sorry this is long there is a decent amount to this story and I will explain why I haven’t said anything yet. I am M25. I have a “friend” we will call Becca and a small friendship with someone I will call Tom.
Tom and Becca are living together with Becca mom and brother. I am not sure if Tom can afford to live on his own. His parents destroyed his credit when he was young and he has terrible financial intelligence as a result. I don’t talk to him much. Not because I don’t want to but we just haven’t talked much. Not much else to it.
Becca was a friend of mine however she has started to become toxic. She doesn’t like me at all. Don’t know why and no one else does either. It is causing most of my other friends to start getting angry with her and kind of slowly moving away from their friendship. Becca also talks about how she wants to break up with Tom because he isn’t emotionally available. I agree with her on that. But at this point it’s been a few months of talking behind his back and her saying she’s going to talk to him and doing nothing. It is annoying us because he is our friend too.
To add, she is also not a great girlfriend. She never has a job and has cheated on him in the past (sending nudes to other people for money).
It seems the worst Tom has done is become emotionally unavailable. Which is bad but I haven’t heard anything else.
And finally she has now said that she has a crush on someone else in our friend group. He claims he’s not entertaining it but his actions speak louder than words. We like to think our friends have good morals and don’t entertain cheating. But he seems like he is so we aren’t happy with him.
We (a group of 3 in a friend group of 12ish) already decided to talk to him to knock it off and stop entertaining whatever they think they have.
Edit: to clarify they are most certainly emotional cheating and they were grinding, taking cleavage shots, and sitting on each other’s laps at a party. Everyone felt uncomfortable.
We are also thinking of telling Tom what she has been saying but I have a little bit of a problem I guess. Not with telling him but with when to tell him.
1 is they are going to Vegas and have already spent a couple thousand on non refundable tickets.
2 I am not sure of his financial capability of moving out. He has a full time job but he has a lot of debts.
But what worries me the most is honestly her safety. I don’t like her. But I’m not ignorant to men being scary. He has shown no signs of violence AT ALL but idk anything can happen and it worries me.
So should we just go ahead and tell him what’s going on? If I were in his situation and found out I would be fucking crushed. I wouldn’t talk to any of them again if no one told me when they found everything out let alone a couple months of her talking behind his back.
Thanks for your advice.