u/Hellomyshadowselff

Asking for a friend?

I don’t even know what our relationship is anymore. It doesn’t feel sacred anymore. We talk about these issues every fking day now, by my own fault. Making myself feel worse everyday.

Just a growing list of how many other women he’s attracted to. Yet he only wants to have sex with me? (It’s just looking) “I don’t message them, I don’t pay them” Sure. Tries to make me feel better with how normal looking they are?? Randomly said he likes South Asian women which was shocking because he’s never gave an inkling at all and I’m always getting mistaken for that race (which I’m not)

I kept begging to know his type for a month and now he drops this?? Knowing how much pain I was in. I remember I wore earrings and he said I looked Indian years ago. But he said it negatively. Now you’re showing me a cam girl who’s Indian and looks like me??? I don’t feel like we are in a monogamous relationship anymore. Feels like it’s me and his girls. My self esteem is so low I keep going on the cam sites he watches seeing how plain some of these women are. Makes me feel better since I am too? It’s getting so bad that I’m getting urges to cam myself, yet I know I cannot handle that at all. It’s not me at all. we are now getting into physic*l arguments because of it. Like dude I’m sorry you put this disgusting idea in my head since my self esteem is at -100

He send me this text after dday a month ago and I declined the offer. But now it keeps lingering that I should’ve said yes. Maybe if I see WHO he watched the thinking about his addiction won’t be 24/7.. I’m running out of steam

“Is there anything that can help?
Anything that you would feel better. Like would actually seeing some I watched make you feel better showing you that they are all different? Like different body types, hair colour, skin colour etc?”

Like it’s obvious he watched last night we had an argument and I slept downstairs. But I’ve pieced it together he’ll act disgusted and pull weird faces when I have cleavage out and try to cover my body up?? Likee why does watching it for men take up every aspect of their desire?? Or at least mine. Now he’s upset saying I don’t want to be around him since I keep leaving the room and I’m keeping my distance.. I mean yah?? Why would I want to be around him 🙄

Since I can’t cope with my own relationship anymore, I stumbled across lovesense Reddit and saw 100s of disgusting posts, getting off to cheating. “My gf is next to me, she has no idea” So I trolled their messages and it gave me such a rush to see them deleting their posts the panic setting in 🖕🖕 am I a bad person