Is it realistic to have both a loving relationship and a strong Domme/masochist dynamic?
I'm an adult (18+) male and a masochist, and I'm trying to understand what BDSM relationships are actually like in real life.
I've seen BDSM videos where a Mistress/Domme is portrayed as extremely harsh and dominant toward a submissive man, including videos where they're presented as partners or a married couple.
What I've always wondered is: how much of that is a performance for the camera, and how much reflects their actual relationship?
If a Domme and submissive are genuinely a couple, does she usually have normal romantic feelings toward him outside of BDSM? Can she be affectionate, cuddle with him, comfort him, care about his feelings, go on normal dates, joke around with him, etc., while still genuinely enjoying being dominant during their BDSM dynamic?
Or do some couples maintain the Mistress/submissive dynamic throughout everyday life as well?
I'm asking because I personally want both sides in a future relationship.
I'd want a partner who genuinely enjoys being dominant and giving me consensual pain, rather than someone who only participates because I ask her to. At the same time, I would want us to genuinely love each other and have affection, emotional intimacy, mutual care and a normal romantic relationship outside BDSM.
I'm not using this post to look for a partner or solicit DMs. I'm just trying to understand from people with real BDSM experience whether my expectations are practically realistic.
Is having both of these things feasible in a long-term relationship or marriage? And how representative are BDSM videos of what Domme/submissive couples are actually like when the BDSM scene or camera ends?
TL;DR: I'm an adult male masochist who wants a partner who genuinely enjoys dominating me, while also wanting a loving and affectionate relationship outside BDSM. Is that realistically possible, and are the harsh Domme/sub relationships shown in BDSM videos representative of how those couples behave off-camera?