u/Hidden-Comet

Assume she’s everything you’re looking for today and genuinely committed to building a life with you. The only thing you know is her dating and sexual history.

At what point, if any, does her past become a dealbreaker for marriage?
0 – No relationships or sexual partners. (I know thats rare)
1–2 – A couple of serious relationships. Maybe sex within those relationships, but no casual hookups.
3–5 – A few relationships and a couple of casual hookups. Nothing excessive, just a fairly typical modern dating life.
6–10 – Multiple partners through a mix of relationships and casual encounters.
10+ – A very active dating or hookup history before deciding to settle down.
No number matters – As long as she’s honest, faithful, and invested in the marriage, her past is irrelevant.

I’m not asking what the “correct” or politically acceptable answer is. I’m interested in what modern Indian men genuinely feel.

If your answer changes at a certain number, what is it about that number that changes your perception?

I am a 28 year old woman. Until about two years ago, I used to think I will never have kids. This might have been one of the reasons my previous relationship ended. However, in recent times, my thoughts about raising a child have changed. I have discussed this with my current partner, and even if I decide not to have a biological child, we might adopt one after marriage. We are both open to the idea, and we have had a few conversations about what kind of life we want to build together.

I have seen people struggling to manage raising a child along with their jobs. I know a couple of women who initially took a break from work/jobs in order to take care of their newly born babies. Almost all of them thought once the child is old enough to go to school, they will resume their work/jobs. However, it didn’t go as planned for those who didn’t have parents or in-laws to take care of the child. Now they are full-time moms and have given up on their careers. I absolutely understand that this might be purely a matter of choice, and I also know that some women genuinely prefer being full-time mothers. At the same time, I have also seen women who wanted to go back to work but couldn’t because childcare was either too expensive, unavailable, or simply not reliable enough.

I enjoy my work, and I have worked hard to build my career. I don’t see myself being happy if I had to give it up completely, even if it was for a good reason. I know priorities can change once a child comes into the picture, and I also know that no one can predict how they will feel in that situation. Still, this is one of my biggest concerns whenever I think about becoming a parent.

I have spoken to my female friends about this, and I have gotten a good number of opinions on the matter. Most of them shared their own experiences or the experiences of women they know. However, I wanted to know the male perspective about this. How difficult do men find it to raise a child these days, especially if their partners are working?

How do working fathers manage balancing their careers and parenting responsibilities? Do you feel that the responsibilities are shared equally in your relationship, or does one partner end up taking on more than the other?

If both partners have demanding careers and there is no support from parents or in-laws, how realistic is it to manage everything without one person’s career taking a back seat?

I would especially like to hear from men who are actively involved in raising their children and not just financially providing for them.