u/HighwayMysterious336

So recently, I’ve had a lot of things that have occurred hit me, very intensely. I’ve been a wreck.

One of the major things is that about a month ago, I ended a relationship very poorly and stupidly and in the worst way. I was drunk when I did it. My now ex, after it happened, really talked it out with me and we addressed the issues we had and why I did what I did. He’s still very important to me, a really great guy. And he’ll continue to be here for me, so I’m very blessed.

Over the weekend everything I did in this relationship which was easily fixable made me feel like I threw it away. I’m now just beginning to come to terms with the fact I may not ever be with him again. Being friends is absolutely possible, but it’s very real to me now that I ruined any possibility of the future I saw with this man and it’s very hard to get over.

I also realized I need to take care of myself, get into the gym, take therapy more seriously, clean up my debt; everything I need to do. My one biggest issue is, we live in a small area. I’m fearful I’ll see him out. See him talking to other guys. And I just cant take it. I know I ended things, but I think I really fucked this up and it pains me to know he will have other men he will be interested in. I am making the conscious decision to remove myself from the scene for now, so I can avoid that kind of hurt and pain and heal again.

The future is pretty uncertain, and I don’t know what it holds. But I want to be able to healthily get over this and show up for myself more and pull myself out of it. I don’t know if anyone’s dealt with anything similar, but any advice is appreciated.