relapsing 2 years later
my parents are like super strict christians (not allowed to social media, hang out with friends, they are SUPER and i mean SUPER homophobic and transphobic) and i used to have really bad depression (super bad adding on my adhd). i used to have terrible mental breakdowns where i'd actually black out in some moments because of how intense my emotions were. my dad would restrain me and start praying and 'speaking in tounges' to get the demon out of me. my parents would anoint me with oil and put a crusifix over my bed and my bedroom door. i was so literally out of it. i felt like my parents didn't love me anymore because i 'had' a demonic spirit inside of me. i od'ed on pain killers, and i would fall asleep unable to move, and wake up running to the bathroom to hurl. wanting my parents to truly love me, i pretended like i saw god. they were happy, then i testified to their church in front of everyone. i feel so sick to this day for lying. that was 2 yrs ago. recently, i talked to my parents about agnosticism and they freaked out again going on something about the demons are taking over my spirit again, and so i caved in, and i relapsed. i cut my wrists not to kill myself, but just to release my emotions in a quiet way. im talking though it with my theripist and my school social worker (even tho the year is almost over lol) and im working on finding happiness again.