u/Holiday-Pepper5880

Vent sorry!!

I had a relationship where my partner suddenly started acting off for a month, and then suddenly broke up with me after they did something that really hurt my feelings, and I told them I was upset with them. I got a really minimal “I just fell out of love” answer (that is genuinely all the information I got!!) and they quickly went to treating me like a stranger. When they were acting off with me, I blamed myself for being dramatic and making it about myself, and assumed it was about their other issues. Because I’d asked, and that’s basically what they’d said. I was putting lots of effort into making them happy, but the distant way they were treating me was hurting me so much inside.

It’s been six months and I’m doing much better, I’ve had therapy, I think my partner was an avoidant. I was a mess for the first three months, i can’t even remember the entire month of November and most of December.

But I find it so hard to let go. I think my autism makes it hard to let stuff go especially when there’s so much information lacking and because they suddenly treated me so horribly. I just can’t understand it. People have told me that their treatment of me IS the closure but my brain can’t settle with it. I’ve done research and talked about it with my therapist, so I do have an “answer” relating to what I know about their mental health, childhood.

But it still feels like a big misunderstanding, I can’t comprehend them treating me like this and not wanting to reach out to apologise. Sometimes I’ll not think of them for ages, see something that reminds me, and think “oh, why can’t I just reach out and talk to them?” Because my brain can’t comprehend that the person who hurt me and my ex partner are the same person. It still hasn’t settled in, somehow.

How can someone be like that? Why did they change? And I know what my theory is isn’t concrete. Tbh sometimes I fantasise that we have a final talk together where they tell me the 100% honest truth, and by that I mean why they didn’t tell me they were falling out of love, why they fell out of love, why they broke up with me so quickly, why they hurt me.. what I did to hurt them (I didn’t hurt them in the relationship but I had an abandonment wound mental breakdown when they broke up with me)

I’m not sad because i want them back, because logically I don’t. But emotionally I don’t understand why they changed and why they didn’t tell me, and why they hurt me and why they don’t seem to care.

I know logically that none of this should be important to me at all, but the time we had together was really precious, but I realise I don’t know who they are. I don’t know how to look back at the memories, I don’t know who I dated. My brain can’t settle until I know the 100% truth. I think it doesn’t help that I had a mental breakdown during the breakup, where I think I definitely hurt their feelings too because I called them heartless, asked them not to see other people and I cried a lot. I think I might’ve age regressed a little back to when I got my abandonment wound, because I never felt so upset and out of control in my life before. I was shocked at myself. So I want to know how much of it is my fault because I can’t tell how bad of a person I am.

Does this sound autism fuelled? Is there any way for me to cope? Usually I cope just fine but I have waves like this where it bothers me. I think there’s just this emotional turmoil that I haven’t solved yet.

I’ve been trying to get my own closure, and I understand it can only come from me. But still, it’s been half a year and it’s really starting to settle in that we’ll never speak again and I’ll never get my answers. I feel really helpless about it. Why did the person who seemed so thoughtful and wonderful and caring have to turn into somebody like this? Why can’t I talk to them? It’s so wrong

The sudden personality change, and how quickly I was dumped, and how evasive and unemotional she was during the breakup.? I just want to know what was real and what was fake. How long was I lied to? Does she regret it at all? How does she feel about it?

I think because I didn’t realise my ex was avoidant until the discard. She had been acting off for a month and it felt awful, like the weight of the world was on my shoulders, but since she’d deflected when I asked and she had other issues in her life, I convinced myself I was making it about myself and I was the issue…

It just feels like this healthy loving relationship I had just got ripped away for no reason and she took this mask off and emotionally neglected me and discarded me the moment I cried over it. But she was always so sweet and thoughtful and kind to me before then. So was that fake.? I just want her to tell me herself. Idk. I’m just sad other people get to have communication and breakups with closure. I thought I had a communicative relationship but it turns out I was wrong. Who was I even dating?? Why did she suddenly start neglecting me?

I’ve been struggling so much with trusting people lately because my brain thinks everyone is going to use me and discard me like this. I think my brain is desperate for communication just to have something like her being regretful or opening up about it as proof that she is an actual person with a heart.

With the “them” who existed pre push/pull and discard, where we talk about the relationship and they’re honest to me, before we say goodbye again.

I perfectly understand why this can’t happen, and why they changed personalities, and why the deactivation might’ve happened, and why I need to move on and find better. Most of the time I’m fine but I still have phases where it’s difficult

I hate how much I believed in them and loved them and looked up to them, and they’re just a coward. I think I want to talk to them one last time so they can apologise or show remorse and I won’t have to look down on them as much as I know I have to. It’s hard when I loved them so much, it’s so painful to be disappointed and disgusted in people like this. I want to do all I can to not end up like them. People who hate themselves because they hurt others, but just wallow in pity about it and don’t do anything to improve themselves or apologise to the people they hurt. It’s all self image and self hatred.

I don’t want to have to come to terms with the fact that they’re so fake and cowardly, how is disappointment so painful?