u/HolidayImpressive944

3 weeks ago my 4 cats got ill one by one, and I took 3 of them to a private vet that we've been to twice before. We registered them all there because my partners dog, 14 years old, has been there since she was a puppy and they've always been the best vets ever with her.

They were super nice and gave us medicine to try. One of my cats was already ill with IBD, and her body couldn't overcome this new illness so we went back with her and agreed to put her down the following Monday at 2pm.

I looked online at their website and saw that they have a separate room in the back for the family. It said on the website we could take as long as we needed with our pet.

On Monday we arrived at 1:45pm and got taken straight away to that room in the back. We were given a few minutes to get seated and get my cat comfortable and then the lady came in with the injection. I panicked and asked her if she's doing it right now and she looked at me and said she was. I told her we needed time to say goodbye to her first and she got really mad (I didn't realise she was mad) and told us that it is an appointment and she's got other places to be. My partner told her we'll do it at 2pm since that's our appointment time and showed her the time on his phone. She agreed and left and slammed the door which is when I realised she was really mad. We called her in at around 1:58pm because I felt guilty for making her mad and we had all said our goodbyes. She was really weirdly smiley and fine by then and everything else went as normal as it could. She told us once she put the injection in that we could stay in there for as long as we wanted

I've been thinking of how horribly wrong it went since and I dread going there again for if my other cats need putting down. Even imagining going for a normal appointment scares me. But she's one of the best vets in our town and so so many people talk highly about her and the place itself and I don't want to deny my cats good healthcare. I'm wondering if I should just try to move on from it or if I should change vets

Edit: This lady was the vet and the owner of the practice

My family got her and her brother when I was 9. I always hated being alive as a kid but when we got them both, the first thing I did everyday was go and play with them and spend time with them. They got me through the abuse and trauma my parents did. She got ill when she was around 6 and my parents refused to take her to the vet. I saved up money and offered it and told them I wanted her to be taken to the vet for my birthday for years and they never did. They kept me going until I moved out and I took them with me a year later and got her medical help at 11. By then she was so ill that we couldn't cure it and the vets recommended to put her down because of her weight. I found food that helped her and she was as healthy as she could be with a good quality of life. And then 3 weeks ago all the cats in the house got ill, and we took them all to the vet. They all were on the path to getting better except for her and she couldn't eat anymore. She was so weak I had to take her to the litter tray and syringe feed her until Monday came and we put her down. She trusted me so much to take care of her since we moved here. I'd bathe her and brush her since she struggled. She was going to turn 14 in July

It's going to be 2 weeks since it happened soon and most days I don't even cry over her, I just feel a massive pit in my stomach when I think about her. I look at her brother and I dread it for when his time comes. Everything I did in the house she would be with me. I'd wake up and before going to the bathroom I'd go to see where she was loafed and say good morning and she'd wait for me to come out of the bathroom so she could sit on my lap.

I used to be so suicidal in the year I didn't get to see them, and then I got them and I promised them as a kid that I would help them. But I couldn't help her this time and she always trusted me to help her even when she didn't like it

My partner keeps saying she's happier now and it hurts more. How is she happier when she'd see me a month ago and jump on my lap and be the happiest cat I've ever seen just cos she's with me. She was happy to just be with me up until we went to the vet on Monday. It makes me think she's better off without me even though I know that's not what my partner means

She's been chronically ill for more than half of her life. I became disabled a few years ago and it gave me motivation that she's so happy despite her own pain. She's helped me so much in so many different ways

I feel guilty. Guilty for doing anything, for not being able to help, for not crying so much, for not wanting to look at her things, for trying to distract myself. I'm so empty