u/Holiday_Bid6559

After reading about agp I’m quite certain my cross dressing husband is agp. It’s much more fitting than the gender identity/affirmation narrative.

But if agp is a sexual orientation, how can that orientation ever align with the sexuality of a heterosexual female?

My husband wouldn’t know what agp is. He doesn’t seem to try to understand himself. As for transitioning he assures me “he made that choice” (not to transition) so he sticks by this, but I can yell at times he might regret it or wish he could. We have young children, I know he wants to be their dad. I think he must believe he is a suppressed trans and loves his life according to that mindset (depressed, low self worth).

There’s so much lying and shitty behaviors arising from his crossdressing. I have so much bitterness. I’ve tried to create a happy medium with boundaries and giving space for him to cd (without my involvement). But I’m starting to come to an understanding that his fantasies are stronger than any moral obligation he may feel towards me. I just don’t matter. Of course he feels bad and ashamed that I keep getting hurt, but the fantasy and compulsion is stronger. I just don’t matter in that world.

Suppose my question is, anyone had success managing the situation with a partner who does not share this “orientation”?

I’ve been on “crossdressers wives” but it’s just kind of hopeless and lacking detailed, nuanced insight.

I’m not supportive of any level of transition or “affirmation” like hrt within our relationship. I’ve made it clear that would end the relationship. My reasons are both selfish and for him. The reasons are:

- why should I forgo my own heterosexuality? He once said he identified as a “transbian” and I found myself extremely offended because it completely disregards my sexuality
- even the idea of him taking estrogen is really unattractive; he says it “doesn’t always” affect libido; im very aware of my own hormone cycle and believe that estrogen and testosterone complement each other to create sexual chemistry (this is my own belief not based on anything scientific; it’s something that I feel)
- apart from the above self centered reasons, I actually don’t think it’d be right for him because his lifestyle and identity would then revolve around “being trans”, obsessing about looks, attention seeking, validation etc.
-None of his fantasy identity actually fits with his real life situation and lifestyle

I’ve never allowed this “side” of him in our sex life and I’m torn whether that’s a good idea or not. Maybe it’s the missing piece for him, or maybe it’ll just fuel unhealthy escalation, and make me simply a prop in his fantasy

I should add, we currently have a good sex life based in conventional roles, although be likely feels he’s missing something. He also has adhd and general mental health issues, probably due to all this

Any insights welcome.

This post is about a few things: menstrual cycle, hormonal night sweats, mood/focus

38F. Typically, I get bad night sweats in luteal phase, and sometimes breast soreness, expected mood and sex drive shifts. Separately I also have focus and attention issues.

A few recent cycles were much better, no sweats, less fluctuations. I also noticed for a period I had great focus at work and overall mood improvement.i don’t know if there’s correlation here with the cycle.

However my current cycle is terrible, focus bad. Last period had a huge clot then mid cycle spotting which I’ve never had. Very high sex drive peak with ovulation and dramatic drop when entering luteal. Sweats are back, with strangely sweet smell. Bloating and vaguely crampy/sore.

I’m trying to work out what I did that made it better and what I stopped that made it worse. Doesn’t help I don’t record anything but generally here’s what I’ve been doing:

- started reformer Pilates after no exercise, 3x per week

- treated low iron with “iron by nature” - beef liver and spleen, kakadu plum, lactoferrin

- creatine

- red krill

- protein powder, not daily but often

-including mackerel and sardines in diet

- inconsistently: gut health stuff - kefir, probiotics, phgg, fibre (lentils, beans, quinoa)

Here’s what I stopped, before the current cycle:

- creatine, because I think it was disrupting my sleep

- red krill because I ran out and waiting for price special

- iron because I ran out, but stores should have beef up so a break shouldn’t matter?

- really got over the canned fish, perhaps overdid it

- I got sick with a cold, nothing big, but I didn’t go to Pilates - also various public holidays got in the way of it too so less consistency here

- edited to add: not really having the protein powder now, I heard there could be heavy metals in plant protein powders which I found off putting

Inconsistently:

-Alcohol is on/off throughout good and bad periods

- magnesium glycinate which I think made me groggy in the morning.

I’ve recently added l-theanine 450mg and a combined magnesium/ashwaghanda, for sleep, not high doses

Should add, I take dex regularly for focus at work, which was way more effective in the “better” period, now it doesn’t get me very far. This is my husbands, but getting an adhd assessment soon.

Edited to add: I try to get morning sunlight each day, I either go outside or have back doors open with plenty of light coming into kitchen, also take 2000iud vitamin d daily which has been consistent for a long time. I drink coffee first thing after i get up. Haven’t been able to shake this habit even though I know it’s best to have it later.

Any thoughts?