u/HolyRollah

I’m just as guilty as anyone, but I think it would really benefit all of us if we stopped showing people support by mocking the people they have had some kind of beef with for stuff that has nothing to do with whatever stupid thing they did.

One of the greatest things about living in West Seattle is how dope the community here is. IRL in my experience, anyway, people are super kind and supportive and care about the communal good. I know it’s a relief to vent on the internet, but it can kind of snowball, which I think makes It seem like the world is just full of suck.

There is a LOT of suck, but there’s still a lot of awesome, too. And we gotta stick together cause shit is about to get pretty gnarly, I think.

*Part One: Reflection*

I’ve painted this portrait

Of myself

Covering over the stardusted

Remains

Glittering

Like rain

With careless strokes

Of color

Thinking somewhere in the recesses

Of my mind

That they’ll surely be charmed 

By this carefully

Crafted picture.

Staging my figure in the most flattering

Glow

From the most flattering light

At the most flattering angle. 

Covered, as it is

You may not recognize my passive

Aggression

Cloaked in its

Affected

Savoir faire.

But suppose if instead of this photo-optic

Recreation

Or another artfully alliterated

Pronunciation 

I put away the slick sleight of hand

And flipped on that harsh

Overhead

To lay bare

All of the moments 

I felt petty,

Cruel,

Or selfish?

If I revealed the disconnected depths 

Of my apathy, anger, jealousy..

My grief?

The image of Who I Am 

Would seem as different 

As black and white

From Technicolor.

Cast in the shocking pall
Of substantiality.

Still

I keep trying 

To maintain my balance

On this pedestal of pedantics

Ignoring my fear of falling

Looking up so I can’t see 

That there is only

One 

Way

Down.

But each little wobbly victory

Every avoidant, subtle trickery

Feels a little more slippery.

Because this pillar is a bar

In a cage being rattled

By the prisoner 

Who is free 

Somewhere

Inside of me

And as I wobble

She whispers

::Theatrically::

“I don’t want to be the filtered  

Version

Of you!

In fact, lay that ruin bare.

Take pride in those scars!

Don’t you know

That our lowest lows

Are the foundation

On which this house is built?

Without failure you’re

A shapeless shadow in the mist.

Embrace your evolution!

Flaunt each hard-learned lesson too!

Cast off these tawdry raiments and

Believe 

That you will still
Be
Me

When you do.”

What sort of comfort DO I enjoy

When I wrap my hubris around me?

Why do I trudge on carrying this burden

That hasn’t served me since

Ever..?

This weight 

Of self-isolation

Guarding myself jealously

Careful never to show 

The card up my sleeve

Pretending safe

Telling myself that it’s too much

To let go.

Too dangerous 

To reveal 

Anything more

Than that perfect 

Ideal

As if I’m unable to see 

That no matter how 

Fervent 

The fantasy

How convincing 
The illusion

There will always be cracks in my façade

And what they show is

Dark and bitter

When I try

To escape

The persistent 

Imperfection

Of myself.

What is revealed

Is the comic tragedy

That I have been 

The author

Of all of my shame.

What reconciliation is there

When I tally 

Just how long 

I’ve remained

Stuck.

Unable to admit fallacy

Or failure.

Running 

In 

Place

As if I believe

So firmly

In my pain

That I’ve sabotaged every opportunity

To heal.

I have been

Running, 

Running

All the while 

Mourning 

What could have

Should have 

Been

Turning my head away 

From the truth, that

I

Chose

Acceptance 

Over authenticity, that

I

Chose this 

Brittle 

Exterior

As if it might hide this

Messy

Interior.

As if I don’t realize that
The only one I’m fooling

Is me.

June 26, 2022

*Part 2: Evolution*

There are times
When the film of being

Clears
And I am humbled
By the awareness
That the earth that sustains me

Is comprised of
All of those
That came before.

Times during which
I can see
That every flower
Every tree
Even the vast sky
Above my home
Gave birth
To the blood in my veins
The flesh on my bones.

Times when I feel
A connection so unshakable
That I forget
Where I end
And the universe begins.

But those times
Are punctuated
By the spaces in between.
Where I float along
In a bubble of isolation
Lost
Afraid and
Unseen.

Times that feel
Deceptively substantial.

It’s this in-between

This cut-cord dream

Where this gift
Of self
Feels less like a miracle

And more like a grift

Here

I am so tired.

Each time I come back
I hope
That if I go back to sleep

Wake up and breathe deep

That I might have a chance
To accept
The truth

That it has never mattered 
If my legacy were a whisper or a roar

That It never mattered
If anyone heard tales of it
Upon distant shores

Because I don’t need
To transcend
This mortal coil
To join life’s ancestors
Alive in the soil

There is no destination
When I am done

Being me

When existence is a wheel
Or a vast, cosmic tree

Though
Someday I will be dust 
Underfoot, or
Sand
In the sea
And
I will return to the void

To Spread thin
While I drift

Through the ever-expanding universe
Disseminating
As I shift

I am still here, and

I will always have a chance
To live
Beyond this crippling fear.

A chance to live unconfined 

By this flawed iteration

To reclaim my
Prima material memories

In lieu of this false 

Configuration.

I am the dream and the dreamer

Who dreams

An astral traveler, sailing 

Rising
In dimensional defiance
From the earth
To transcend this
Umbilical
Flailing

I am and will always be
What I have always been:

Everything

Nothing

The all seeing I

Lineage and legacy

A circle
Not a line

I am unending.

Granddaughter of a supernova,

Sister of the sky.

May 12, 2026

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/5OBhoshkEq

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Fern9OEuJZ