Could I be aplatonic?
Pretty recently I've been wondering, why didn't I feel any pull toward making friendships at all, why am I not like others. And after I discovered this sub, I've been showered in so many stories and experiences, that were all just so relatable and like me. I started wondering if I am aplatonic myself.
I've never had friends and never cared to get one. I didn't even realize that I was any different until my parents were asking me about this in middle school. All I would do in school is just study, then I would go straight home, no problem.
Some people did try turning me into their friend, but they would all fail, either I didn't like talking too much, had nothing to say, was too quiet or not reciprocating in any way. After the first interaction they'd disappear from my mind until I meet them again, even then it would be much weaker than before and would take up a lot of my energy just to not make the other person feel bad.
On the internet I would be more social and engaging, but the cycle would be the same. A single day is enough for basically any kind of relationship with another person to disappear, no matter how nice it was at the start.
But here I noticed, that most enjoyment I felt was more about seeing another person happy, feel understood or having a reliable other. Even the thoughts of not meeting them after along time weren't "I wish I could see them again" but more like "Maybe I have hurt them with my disappearance, maybe I should go back".
I am not entirely sure about it. But I hope this community could give me some answers.