r/aplatonic

So, I have had many problems with this “best friend” because there are times im okay with it and others where I hate him and don’t give a shit about whatever he got going on. One night we were normally chatting and joking and he took it too seriously and confessed to me that he wanted to be with me. I had an anxiety attack because of it and after saying to him in the nicest way that I wouldn’t date him I started to avoid him. He says he cares about me and wants a second chance, our dynamic was okay and sometimes was fun but at the same time there were times I grew tired of him. I know I’m part of the Aplatonic spectrum but don’t know where so It makes it more difficult. Any advice?

You have your children's love but the other two are missing.

So, you know when friendships become more then haha your funny I enjoy being around you and there starts being like an actual emotional bond. That's the point where I start to feel uncomfortable

I do actively seek out people to interact with. I enjoy being around people, infact most people would probably consider me an extrovert. I love having cool friends but..

As soon as the friendship goes from haha I enjoy being around you, you're really funny, I like sewing you like sewing, lets do sewing together to there actually being an emotional bond I start to get uncomfortable. I physically don't desire a close platonic bond with people but I do feel platonic attraction

Pretty recently I've been wondering, why didn't I feel any pull toward making friendships at all, why am I not like others. And after I discovered this sub, I've been showered in so many stories and experiences, that were all just so relatable and like me. I started wondering if I am aplatonic myself.

I've never had friends and never cared to get one. I didn't even realize that I was any different until my parents were asking me about this in middle school. All I would do in school is just study, then I would go straight home, no problem.

Some people did try turning me into their friend, but they would all fail, either I didn't like talking too much, had nothing to say, was too quiet or not reciprocating in any way. After the first interaction they'd disappear from my mind until I meet them again, even then it would be much weaker than before and would take up a lot of my energy just to not make the other person feel bad.

On the internet I would be more social and engaging, but the cycle would be the same. A single day is enough for basically any kind of relationship with another person to disappear, no matter how nice it was at the start.

But here I noticed, that most enjoyment I felt was more about seeing another person happy, feel understood or having a reliable other. Even the thoughts of not meeting them after along time weren't "I wish I could see them again" but more like "Maybe I have hurt them with my disappearance, maybe I should go back".

I am not entirely sure about it. But I hope this community could give me some answers.

I've never had a friend. Not "struggled to make friends" — never had one, not once, growing up through now. I've never felt a bond with my family either, no matter how they've treated me. It's not that something happened to make me distant from people — I just don't form that pull toward anyone, the one that seems to come so naturally to everyone else.

I think what I feel is closer to agape — a kind of love for all of humanity, undirected the same toward everyone, instead of the specific, bonded love people describe feeling for the people close to them.

Gender's been its own confusion since I was a kid. Never landing on "man" or "woman" at any point, through childhood into adulthood. Agender is the closest word I've found for it.

I was 13 — I went through a period of real existential dread, the kind that makes you question everything. Maybe that's where the agape thing started.

What I've done instead — is understanding how things work. Software, then machine learning and deep learning, and I'm pulled hard right now toward engineering and robotics. Cosmology too — I want the universe's existence actually explained, not just described. I think learning became the thing I could feel something toward.

I don't know what my future looks like or where any of this leads. No one in my life actually knows me — I've mostly just stayed quiet and carried this as something that makes me an outlier, without really talking about it until now.

If any of this sounds familiar — the agender confusion, existential dread, the family bond that never formed — I'd genuinely like to hear how it's shown up for you.

TW SEXUALITY TALK/MENTION

So, I'm over 30. I'm a trans man. I'm aplatonic and always have been. I've seen myself as a man for a long time too but only just started T. I'm *also* probably either frayromantic or alloromantic and demisexual aceflux and have kink as a completely non-negotiable aspect of sexual relationships AND monogamy as a completely non-negotiable aspect of romantic relationships.

Most of my anxieties lie in being considered predatory/rude/shitty for being clear about not wanting friendship at all or open or poly since none of that is particularly helpful to me...But also being older and queer and kinky. (Being in my 30s and queer but not wanting QPRs or FWB arrangements is wildly uncommon apparently)

How the hell do I go about like...Getting an actual romantic partner with all these boxes checked? Preferably one that doesn't expect me to be a bottom or a Dom all the time either bc that's not it for me.

Bigger question, how do you BE queer like that without any desire for friendship and still have support? It just seems extremely strongly emphasized...On top of not being ace enough or aro enough to not want sex or romance at all...But being zero percent poly and being too demi for open stuff on top of being aplatonic...S real garbagey and adding that on top of really not wanting to be relagated to online spaces but seeing very little in my city for this kind of thing or really anywhere...

Idk I'm just frustrated and dunno if there's anyone like me that's ever existed let alone around here...