u/HonestAltruist

I'm over being judged for wanting to have an elective c-section.

I'm thankful my partner is fully supportive and even said if he was in my shoes he would want the same.

I feel less anxiety around having a planned c section as someone with AuDHD. I know there's always a possibility things don't go to plan which I fully accept. I feel like an elective c section is better for me mentally. I know it will be more demanding physically but I rather prioritise my mental health.

I prefer knowing what to expect, the idea of things being a bit more controlled, predictable and clinical. The idea of *generally* knowing what to expect before, during, after as opposed to a natural birth and possibly being in labour for hours which is really scary and sends me spiraling into anxiety at the thought. I also am a survivor, i've experienced trauma down there, I don't need anymore.

I'm 35 and at this point my partner and I have decided we just want 1 child (I know this can change) but at this stage I just want things to go smoothly and be as least scary and traumatic as possible for me since It's likely this will be my only birth.

I have also heard many stories from friends and family, pretty much most of them about how they had bad tears, prolapses, stiches down there getting infected etc. Yet some of these people are the same ones judging me for not wanting a natural birth.

Sometimes it feels like there's an expection for new mothers to suffer just because the older ones did. They tell me all these horror stories and expect me to do the same despite me having a choice on how I want my birth to go. Why can't people just respect my choice? Why do I need to explain and justify things.. I wish people would just try be supportive and encouraging instead of judgy.

There's been a foul smell coming from the spare room for 6 months and my partner and I couldn't figure out what it was. We are both pretty clean and keep things tidy. I clean the house regularly so have been incredibly confused that we couldn't figure out where the smell was coming from. I thought maybe its because it's a small hot room and my partner thought it could be one of my plants.

I found out I was pregnant in January and so began the process of sorting out the house to prepare for the baby. We ended up moving our spare guest bed into my office so we could have that room for the nursery. My office is the smallest and hottest room in the house. Over time the smell in that room got worse, my sense of smell also became hightened with pregnancy. We couldn't figure it out. Eventually I started sleeping in there because as my pregnancy progressed I struggled with more with sleep, started snoring some times and waking up constantly to use the bathroom not wanting to disturb my partner who works long hours. I felt bad keeping him up.

Fast forward to last weekend. I went to strip the bed to wash all the bedding and discovered a large pee stain all over the mattress. I only managed to see it because the room was dark. When I turned the light on it was impossible to see which explains why I missed it all the times before. We finally had an explanation for the smell but I was absolutely livid.

We've had people stay over various times though it was evident by the stain it had been there for some time. What I don't get is that everyone that has stayed (maybe only 5 people) are all grown adults. Someone wet the bed didn't say anything and didn't even attempt to try clean it. My partner and I are very chill and down to earth and would never make anyone feel embarressed. We would have happily cleaned it and been discreet. Accidents happen, no judgement. The fact that someone just left it there is what upsets me.

What has really upset me is that someone did this, did not even attempt to clean it and I have been breathing it in being hot boxed in that room at night inhaling that smell, pregnant, not knowing it was some disgusting persons dried piss. The mattress cost over 1k. Ruined.

My partner and i both spent an hour each passing over the mattress with an upolstry cleaner. The stain is out but the smell remains. The room still reeks into the hallway. I'm so angry and can't let it go or get over it. I had put a lot of effort into making our spare room nice for guests and sorting the house preparing for the baby and now we've had to move things out and undone a lot progress because of this and its been stressfull.

I have an idea of who it might be though based on their hygiene and patterns of behaivour but I'm not saying anything, specially as they are a sibling of my partner. But I sure as hell am never letting them stay in this house again. After the time they house sat they left our house a mess and we decided never again. They are the only one I can think of who is gross enough to wet the bed, not clean it but just replace the bedding without us knowing. They are the only one to stay the longest duration while everyone else was just an overnight stay while we were home. We also get notifications when the washer/dryer complete which were none with the overnight only guests but quite a few with the 1 week house sitting.

I am so angry and feel so much disgust and disrespect. I have had to really bite my tongue as they are my partners sibling and I don't want to cause drama and accusations so will pretend this never happened but I cannot think of this person the same.

My partner thinks the mattress can be saved, I'm convinced it needs to be burned. We now need an air purifyer to get rid of the smell that wont leave. I'm constantly angry every time I walk to that end of the house because it reeks and it's extra stress I don't need when I'm preparing for a baby.

I feel nothing but anger and annoyance at the thought of them. I don't even want them to touch or hold my baby when my baby arrives. I don't even want guests staying here for a while because i'm so fed up. I know I'm probably over reacting. It's been a tough week, I'm hormonal and mad a grown adult ruined our guest bed and stank out our house.