u/Honeymoon8888

I have been struggling with my self image and the way how I perceive myself with others for years.I am 22 m and gay that weighs around 260 and I feel like the biggest piece of lard ever. No matter how much I try to get myself back on my feet to lose the weight again I suddenly just lose the motivation like as if i feel like it’s gonna no nowhere. ln terms of putting myself out there its even worse. In general such as at work or at a family function I feel like the ugliest person in the room. At work my love handles are noticeable and I work at a pt office so I help with patients and if I show them an exercise I struggle which is such a bad look and it makes me wonder how patients see me.
My cousins bf had a grad party for his cousin and when I walked in I really felt like all eyes are on me and that people are gonna start talking about how much weight I’ve gained. I went to the bar not so long ago and I felt 10000x worse since there were so many guys around me that looked so much better and obviously I spiraled and I felt like all eyes are on me and guys will not come up to me or even if I go up to them it’s gonna be a story for the guy that night about how a ugly ass guy came up to him.
I have tried under the sun to even get to love myself and clearly nothing is working affirmations, self journaling nothing works. I an also very tired of people telling me that I am not fat LIKE YOU SEE ROLLS WHEN I SIT???? I have been berated by guys about my weight and that I won’t be loved and no guy will like someone fat as me and also ugly. Maybe its true if multiple guys have been saying that then likely god just hates me and has his favorites. Since I am bigger I am perceived as dumb and clumsy so in terms of me doing yardwork or even walking I look like so stupid and awkward so yeah maybe god hates me and doesn’t wanna see me happy and open windows for me.

I have been struggling with my self image and the way how I perceive myself with others for years.I am 22 m and gay that weighs around 260 and I feel like the biggest piece of lard ever. No matter how much I try to get myself back on my feet to lose the weight again I suddenly just lose the motivation like as if i feel like it’s gonna no nowhere. ln terms of putting myself out there its even worse. In general such as at work or at a family function I feel like the ugliest person in the room. At work my love handles are noticeable and I work at a pt office so I help with patients and if I show them an exercise I struggle which is such a bad look and it makes me wonder how patients see me.
My cousins bf had a grad party for his cousin and when I walked in I really felt like all eyes are on me and that people are gonna start talking about how much weight I’ve gained. I went to the bar not so long ago and I felt 10000x worse since there were so many guys around me that looked so much better and obviously I spiraled and I felt like all eyes are on me and guys will not come up to me or even if I go up to them it’s gonna be a story for the guy that night about how a ugly ass guy came up to him.
I have tried under the sun to even get to love myself and clearly nothing is working affirmations, self journaling nothing works. I an also very tired of people telling me that I am not fat LIKE YOU SEE ROLLS WHEN I SIT???? I have been berated by guys about my weight and that I won’t be loved and no guy will like someone fat as me and also ugly. Maybe its true if multiple guys have been saying that then likely god just hates me and has his favorites. Since I am bigger I am perceived as dumb and clumsy so in terms of me doing yardwork or even walking I look like so stupid and awkward so yeah maybe god hates me and doesn’t wanna see me happy and open windows for me.