u/Hopeful-Bridge8989

I saw a post the other day saying internalized biphobia also encapsulates questioning your sexuality all the damm time, feeling you need to have sex with both genders to prove yourself + feeling you're "fake", testing yourself .

I came to terms with how im not fully straight/straight recently and thats okay i think! My life is good, and i feel most people around me would be supportive.

What confuses me is that emotionally/romantically, I’ve mostly had crushes on girls, but sexually my pull toward men feels stronger. I can still be attracted to girls too tho, just usually less instantly. I’m also virgin, so I have no IRL experience to compare anything to. Learning that sexuality can be fluid helped me a lot, but I still question myself constantly (“am I actually bi or just forcing it somehow?”), even though other times I feel fully confident I am bi. Im a Kinsey scale 4.

And i guess i just want some personal clarity B4 college.

There’s also this girl I like, and I think the feelings are mutual. I’d wanna to hook up with her, but I’m a huge over-thinker in general (e.g i felt like i was going to war before school tests or football tryouts and looking back it wasn't that deep), and now I’m anxious that bc my attraction to men is stronger sexually, I might not get hard or might take too long and embarrass both of us. If that happened with a guy i wouldnt mind, but w a girl i feel i need to prove myself more.

Logically IK anxiety probably makes it worse, and that most people don’t instantly get hard the second things start happening, especially their first time. Porn probably isn’t helping my expectations either. So is it reasonable to cut down on porn and mastrubation, try kegels and mindfulness, and see if she's down in some days? there's no big pressure with her either. think we're pretty close friends. Should i even go for it?

^(So I guess I’m asking:)

• ^(Have any of you dealt with this kind of sexuality confusion?)
• ^(If you’re bi, did real-life experiences feel different from what you expected?)
• ^(And for 1st time anxiety/performance fear, any advice on calming down and not spiraling?)

hey, ive been having a hard time figuring out my sexuality. i know im not straight lol, but i keep going back and forth between gay and bi. i know labels arent necessary, but they help me make sense of myself.

for a long time i thought bi meant 50/50, but ive realized attraction can be fluid and uneven (90/10, 60/40, etc). part of me feels like itd be easier to just call myself gay, but then i feel like id be silencing a part of me and the real feelings ive had for certain girls — emotional and sometimes sexual too.

all my actual crushes/romantic feelings have been toward women. with men its mostly been quick lust, not emotional attachment. sexually though, men turn me on way more easily/strongly. with women its less frequent and less instant, but its still there. i think men are probably just my stronger preference.

theres also this girl i flirt with a lot and i know shed probably be down if i made a move. i want to explore and experiment, but i overthink everything. i worry id get nervous, take longer to get hard than i would with a guy, and spiral about “proving” my attraction. with men i wouldnt care if it took a minute, but with women i put pressure on myself.

even when watching stuff with women, i still get aroused, just not as instantly/intensely as with men. and irl experiences with girls have turned me on before too like once dancing.

for bi people with a stronger preference toward one gender: is this normal? have any of you dealt with overthinking attraction/performance like this?

should i just stop obsessing over labels and let myself explore naturally?