u/Hopeful_Sleep_4710

I’ve been in a 3-year relationship with my now ex-girlfriend, and throughout the relationship things have been very on and off. Both sides of her family have a history of severe mental health struggles, and she has dealt with depression and emotional instability for a long time as a result.

When we were in high school, we both imagined staying close during college and making the relationship last long-term. But once she started college, it felt like a dark cloud suddenly appeared over her. She became deeply depressed. Almost every other day we would go on little excursions, hang out, or do things together because I knew how much she was struggling emotionally.

For about a year she didn’t have a job, but I never minded paying for things or helping her out until she felt able to work again. She attends an all-women’s college and has always had difficulty making friends because she’s naturally shy and introverted. Whenever we would argue about unrelated issues, I would give her space and then later try to check in on her, only to find out she had been skipping classes, isolating herself in her room, and avoiding going outside while everyone else around her was socializing and building friendships.

Eventually she became closer with her roommate and her roommate’s friend, and the three of them started going out to parties at her school and nearby schools. But when we were alone together, she would still open up about how depressed, lost, and emotionally exhausted she felt.

Over the course of the first school year, we took multiple breaks and temporarily broke up several times because her feelings toward everything including our relationship would constantly shift depending on her mental state. Some days we would have amazing experiences together and make incredible memories, and then the next day it could feel like one small misunderstanding would completely overwhelm her emotionally. She would cry, shut down, or distance herself immediately. I never tried to hold those moments against her because I understood she was struggling with much bigger internal battles.

Fast forward to the next school year, and things initially seemed much better. We went to parties together throughout the first semester, partly because she wanted to respect my boundary about her going to frat houses alone. During that time she made friends, became more social, and things honestly felt stable for the first time in a while.

But ever since returning from spring break, everything has changed again. Her depression seems worse than ever, and she constantly talks about feeling “turned around” and emotionally confused. I’ve asked her whether taking her medication might help her manage some of the mental health issues she’s dealing with, but she says she doesn’t want to rely on it even though she knows it could help. I try not to judge her for that because I can’t fully understand what she’s going through internally.

The breaks and temporary breakups started happening more frequently again. Most recently, I intentionally tried to give her more space so she wouldn’t feel pressured or overwhelmed. We were only seeing each other maybe twice a week to do schoolwork, watch movies, or spend low-pressure time together. But even with that approach, things didn’t improve.

Last week we got into an argument over a misunderstanding involving a party. Once I realized what was actually happening, I backed off and let her spend time with her friends. But the following morning everything exploded emotionally, and we ended up breaking up again.

At this point, I’m genuinely confused and emotionally exhausted. Every time I try to fix things or reconnect with her, she says she feels overwhelmed, “turned around,” and that she needs to simplify her life and focus on herself and other priorities.

I guess what I’m asking is does this sound like someone whose mental health struggles are heavily affecting their ability to maintain stability in a relationship? Is there realistically anything I can do to help repair things, or is it healthier at this point to accept the situation, move on, and consider this relationship over?