The unthinkable has finally happened.

One nation, under God. Torn to shreds. You could move to Canada. But you love your country. 

What can a person like you do?

To borrow the dramatic cadence of an existing political parody- imagine a future, where the unthinkable didn’t happen. Where life could continue for Americans, just as before. Can you imagine it? No tariffs. No rallies. No overturning Roe V. Wade. Trump. A footnote. In the vast expanse of American history.

Oh yes. I did it.

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Oprah. Gail. Winfrey. Our solidarity queen. Our harbinger of bipartisanship. Stepping on stage with Mitt Romney.

Now I know what you might be thinking- but Oprah requires two impeachments! And impeaching Trump twice requires us choosing divisive answers! There are other paths! Paths which net us fewer wins, and less outrage!

To that, I say that closing the night with a 538-state sweep and a permanent end to Trumpism, one in which that Republicans will struggle to lay down for at least a decade into the future, is, in my mind, the best path forward for inconsequentiality. 

It requires a few sub-optimal answers, but not as many as I had feared or even anticipated.

Guide: Want to ruin your reputation? The world is your oyster, Donnie! 

But preferably… I’d target the AOCs and the Mamdanis of the world. The big liberal cities, which hate your guts. The bluer the better. Remember, you want to run down those margins in the key swing states like Wyoming, West Virginia, and Idaho, and what better way to do so than to abandon your base for those elusive Obama-Sanders-Trump voters in New York and Chicago?

My guide is inspired by u/Obamanomenon, who did not disappoint in the slightest with her Hierophant Williamson sweep from a few months ago. Still unfathomable how OP they made her

Onward!

1: Make America Great Again

2: Extreme vetting, that’s the word extreme vetting (Wait… I thought we were going for inconsequential? Yes. Yes we are. The cities shutting down our airports is a small price which must be paid for our future)

3: It’s unfair—a totally uneven field we’re playing on with the terrorists. (This is, unfortunately, non-negotiable. It sounds like we’re in for a world of hurt. But this our the only path forward to stop Mitch McConnell from appointing his justices.)

4: I put out a list, a great list (“Fight for the things that you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you!” the ghost of Ruth Bader Ginsburg smiles. Sweet, sweet deadlock)

If you’re doing things right, you should be losing in basically every swing state. But this is merely the beginning…

5: Cohen tells me that some awful woman is going to crack (Ooh… our first act leading up to the juicy impeachments. Whatever you do, do not choose Nunes. He gives you the worst polling numbers, but not a second impeachment. Getting impeached twice is ESSENTIAL to this guide.)

6: We’ve got to repeal, that’s what we’ve been saying ‘repeal and replace’ (This is an interesting one. The executive order option drops your “Outrage” stat, but remember- that’s not exactly what we want. We want enough outrage for both impeachments and failure on all three bills. Since the full repeal will fail in the Senate, sweet deadlock will ensue either way ;)

7: We’re getting out. Okay. We don’t need to be here, the Middle East. (Sets you up for Question 13 and Question 18. The isolationist actions will be far easier to stomach than the interventionist actions)

8: I will not let our great auto industry die, it’s being attacked by Europe and Japan. (Yes, this nets Trump a win. Yes, this nets Trump a polling boost. But with the other three options, this feels by far the most tame. And it will also guarantee us a blue wave in the midterms)

9: Jared and Ivanka, they want me to condemn. (This one is a no-brainer. It’s the only reasonable response, and you’ll lose ground by throwing a bone to the social liberals)

10: We have a huge—massive trade deficit, with South Korea (This nets Trump the smallest polling boost. Pretty simple one)

11: We need to slash taxes, cut to the bone (This is the second of three major bills. Failing all three is essential to the guide, so do not chicken out)

12: Herman Cain, a truly amazing man—great business (So… we have *checks notes* targeting the media as domestic enemies, uber-hawkish foreign policy, and cartoonishly over the top rhetoric on governmental regulatulations. But it’s… a low-ish stakes grievance on monetary policy that ticks the Outrage score up? Very strange choice by the creators, but I’m not complaining)

13: The United States does not have to listen to anybody, especially on China (Limits anything Xi-friendly)

14: We should be looking at frankly, Anti-Trust, years ago we were talking about the same subject—monopoly (MAGA. Communist. Trump)

15: We’re on track, I’m saying it strongly, we’re getting great deals (As long as you don’t choose “stick with us,” it won’t matter too much. You can lose the midterms any way you see fit)

We’ve reached the halfway mark. If you see yourself behind in Texas, North Carolina, and Florida; you know- bastions of left-wing politics, you’re on the right path forward!

16: She needs to cease and desist, and I can guarantee the Democrats will give up. (First impeachment, and won’t decrease outrage)

17: Jared thinks we can make a deal, (Failing all three bills is non-negotiable for Oprah, and averts the government shutdown we’ve suffered through in OTL)

18:  Why are we giving so much money to Ukraine? (Yeah, this sucks. But it is also necessary. We need to save up just enough outrage for the second impeachment on Q19. The only other choice is to pull out of NATO)

19: Go for the lying media (You have officially met all criteria to guarantee Oprah Winfrey as your opponent, with slightly more optimal RNG than taking the fight youself)

If you’ve made it this far, congratulations! A 538-0 Electoral College sweep will ensue. Rest easy, it’s smooth sailing from this point on

20: We need to listen to the smart guys, like Dr Tony (I’m sure we'd all want Trump to do whatever he can to actually stop Covid and take the damn thing seriously)

The Oprah questions are easy peasy. Since you’re in campaign mode and not policy mode, just choose whatever you can to either damage your reputation or boost Oprah’s.

21: She’s washed up, okay? A has-been

22: We have to talk about all we’ve done, because, well, it’s so much (Oh, really? :P)

23: She’s demented, she’s gone totally lockdown crazy, thanks to Covid? 

24: We’re doing so much, on Covid—Warp speed, we’re going warp speed. But where’s the vaccine? (Other responses have worse polling hits but since we're already losing Wyoming and West Virginia, yeah… let’s not stop testing patients for Covid)

25: She’s got terrible judgment, the worst judgment

26: Back the Blue, that’s what it’s all about. (Only option which doesn't directly crack down on protestors)

27: Oprah she wants a national lockdown, she wants to throw away all our wealth and sink our economy.

28: Oprah was a friend of mine. I threw her a party, a big party down at Mar-A-Lago.

29: It’s the greatest fraud, mail-in ballots (So... you're saying you'll win in California, New York, and even Washington D.C. without mail in voting, Donnie? Sure, bud)

30: Any

Usually I end up with the first of these two endings, but in my most recent playthrough of Our Revolution, I ended up with the latter. I would seriously love to know what influences the polling error mechanic (I think it’s Bernie’s fervor stat?) in this game