u/Hoppingpeaches_

is that SA or is it rape?

I’ve been pursuing a career in history, but I keep feeling like my creativity is dying in this major and I hate it. While I love it, I’m scared of ever doing a job because of the fact I’ve been going through something that has prevented me from doing well in this field, which I will not share, but it’s greatly impacted my ability to do schoolwork because of how traumatized and depressed I am. I’ve had to get so many extensions from teachers and such to the point that its finals week and I still have 3 missing essays. I’m trying so hard to keep up but I feel so slow compared to the rest of my peers.
I want to change majors and run from my problems because then I don’t have to see the teachers try to avoid me or see me as a lazy person. I don’t understand why they keep giving me extensions, I know I try my best, but I’m scared my best isn’t enough and that I’m going to never be good enough at history. I don’t feel like I can really be good at anything.
I’m scared I’m ruining everything and I’ll never achieve anything and I’ll have to go back home after I’ve already worked so hard to get here.
To add to this, I have ADHD, and I’ve always had to practically push myself to the brink of death to even achieve the same level as my classmates.
Is this just because I’m ashamed and I feel like I’m taking advantage of people’s kindness?
How do I bounce back and actually lock into school?
How do I balance schoolwork and friends without immediately self-destructing?
Please, I need advice.