u/HorrorDrive8444

My aunt was a huge help when my mom passed away a few months ago. She came to every meeting, drove people around, did literally anything we asked for (and lots of things we had no idea we even needed).

Now that things have settled, I wanted to get her a really nice thank you gift. Normally my go-to is to head to Anthropologie and get some nice goodies, but I'm a little stuck on what she'd like.

Honestly, I'm not super close with her, but I was thinking I could get some upgraded/luxury versions of every day items. She enjoys cooking, baking, and gardening. She likes nice candles and hand soaps. She's a homebody. She has some dietary restrictions, so I want to avoid food. I also do not want to purchase anything clothing related.

I'm thinking I want to create a cute gift basket so if anyone has any ideas, I would be super grateful!!!

I'm looking for any items to keep my house a bit more on track. My house is always tidy, but I also want it clean (spotless).

I don't love cleaning in general, but I like having a spotless house. I know that's not super realistic all the time, and if someone walked in they'd by no means say it's dirty, but I have so much going on, I feel like I'm drained at the end of each day after dealing with the cleaning. I've had some health stuff going on along with some losses lately, so I'm definitely not at my best in general.

Floors: I have dark LVP flooring in my living/dining/kitchen/foyer/hallway and these show every speck of dust, sweaty footprints, etc. In a perfect world, I would vacuum and swiffer mop every day. Currently, I vacuum 1-2 times a week, and swiffer mop once a week. We don't wear shoes in the house, clean up anything that spills right away, etc. but these are my biggest pet peeve. The floors were installed recently (right before we purchased our house) and are in great shape, but I will be so excited the day we can justify replacing them.

Litter Boxes: I have one cat, but 3 litter boxes. I know the rule is usually number of cats plus one box, but I'll be honest, I'm not as great about cleaning these as I should be. My goal is daily, but sometimes I do miss a day. On average I would say they get cleaned 3-4 times a week. We have two side by side in our mud room, and one in our basement.

Dusting: Our house is crazy dusty. It's 10 years old, and we did have the ducts cleaned when we moved in about 1 1/2 years ago, but I feel like I'm constantly dusting and finding dust bunnies.

Bathrooms: We have slightly elevated levels of iron in our (city) water, and this tends to tinge anything a tan/red color. This means the toilets, our light colored tile in our shower, etc. all have this tinge to it after a few days to a week.

We have 3 bathrooms, which is great, except when it comes to cleaning. Current situation is that each bathroom gets a light cleaning (wipe down) and a toilet cleaning once a week. Our primary bathroom also gets the shower cleaned weekly. Even this feels like it's barely enough to not have it be kind of gross.

So what I'm looking for is if anyone has any suggestions on purchases that could possibly help handle these issues? I'm comfortable spending $500, but would be willing to spend a bit more (maybe $750?) if it would really help out.

Things I'm considering if anyone has recommendations:

> Robot vacuum/mop. We had an ecobot vacuum only roughly 7-8 years ago, and at first it worked great, but after a year or so, it kind of crapped out. I'm assuming technology has improved since then? I also saw a video of one catching fire which did freak me out a bit. We have a two level house, so I doubt I want to pay for two though....

> Automatic Litter Box. I would love to have one, but I'm worried my cat is way to picky/finicky for a litter robot. She doesn't like enclosed spaces. Also, our mudroom doesn't have an outlet, so I'd have to look at running an extension cord... are there battery powered litter robots?

> Air Purifier. Would this help with dust? We've tried small ones in the past, but I think I'd be looking for a larger one.

Thank you for your help, it's much appreciated!!

I was looking for some old medical records recently, and I just have a few questions if anyone is able to help!

I have two different clinics that I've been seen at.

Clinic A is who my parents preferred, so I used them until age 18. It looks like they have all my records from age ~10 to 18, but records prior to that seem random. For example, I had 4 surgeries, but only 1 is in my history. It would make sense to me if all the records were missing, but it seems odd that just a portion are? Like maybe 1/3 of my records from age 0-10 are present.

Clinic B is who I've seen since I was an adult, and I know they made a switch to Epic/MyChart in late 2018. Most of my records up until 2018 are just listed as "legacy encounters" and some have partial lab results available, but I noticed some test results are missing.

For example, in June of 2018, I can see that there are 6 legacy "lab tests", but only 4 test results show for those dates. I know I had gotten all 6 results at the time, but why are 2 missing from MyChart?

I needed some of this info for vaccination records and for some health history things, and I'm just wondering how this would work. Can I call and ask for those things to be added or are they just gone? I'm assuming there's a way to find them but I'm just confused by the data that's only partially available.

Thank you!

This community has been really helpful for me, and I've gotten some follow up messages wondering how I'm doing, so I thought I might share my experience and some advice in case things could be helpful for you.

My mom passed in November. She was in her early 60's and it was very unexpected.

Immediately Following Your Loss:

1. Everyone grieves differently. I went from sobbing uncontrollably the first few hours, to essentially a shell-shocked state. I was like that for 1-2 weeks. Your emotions may be a rollercoaster.
2. You may not be able to eat, sleep, calm you nervous system, etc. It's okay. Take some deep breaths. Take a couple of small bites of food. Try to drink some water. Take a shower. Brush your teeth. Do what you can but give yourself grace if you can't.
3. You will be busy. If you are planning a funeral/visitation that will occur within the first week or two of passing, there is a lot to do. Rely on the funeral home and any other support you may have available.
4. The hard stuff sucks. For me it was going through photos for the visitation. Seeing all the memories would make me cry constantly. It also took hours to go through thousands of photos and pick what I thought was best. How do you sum up someones life in 50-100 photos? You can't. I picked the ones where my mom looked happiest or from days I had the best memories with her.
5. If your loved one did not have any end of life planning, do your best. I struggled with this myself. The funeral home staff were huge a huge help.

The Visitation/Funeral:

1. It will fly by. I remember dreading the visitation because I knew there would be a fair amount of people I didn't know. It's okay to not remember names/faces. People understand. It's okay to repeat the same 1-2 sentence small talk as they visit with you.
2. Take breaks. I'm a huge introvert, and I needed to get away every hour or so. Rotate breaks with other family members if you can.
3. Be prepared for tough conversations. I had a lot of people asking how she passed, what happened, personal things, etc. You get to decide what you want to share. Keep it vague if you'd like or tell them everything, that's your decision.

Post Funeral:

1. Plan time for yourself after the funeral. This is where things start to sink in.
2. Post-funeral I had a minor break down. It was this huge wave of a feeling I can't quite explain. There was a brief moment of solace that the "work" part was done. A lot of feelings in the day or two post-funeral.
3. For everyone else, the funeral was probably the toughest part. For you, the toughest part has just begun. You will have to grow into your new normal without your loved one. And it's really, really hard.
4. Give others grace. I was by far the person closest to my mom (there was some family tension). I felt angry that others were grieving her so hard when I felt like they didn't treat her well when she was alive. This feeling has eased. Grief isn't a competition. It's okay to have those feelings though.
5. Use your vacation days/sick day/bereavement days/whatever days you can get (if applicable). I know not everyone has this capability, but take what you can. You will probably need it.
6. You will find out who your support system actually is. I was quite hurt that my best friend of 15 years didn't show up, nor have I heard from her since. I got a text the day of the funeral (during it actually) from her saying she'd "be there tomorrow" - I told her the funeral was today and not to worry that she got the days got mixed up and she ghosted me. Another friend I wasn't as close to showed up for me constantly.
7. Use that support system. If you don't have one, you may need to make one. I've bonded with a few coworkers who also lost their parents young. If you are able to find a therapist, grief support group, reddit, etc. Please don't isolate yourself. I know it can be hard, but you need support of some sort. Even if it feels like you want to wallow/be alone, you NEED it.
8. Don't make any major decisions. In the last 6 months I seriously considered: moving across the country, quitting my job, and blowing through all my savings. I think I would have had major regret doing any of those things.
9. The work still isn't over. You'll need to take care of any applicable finances, personal items, etc. Consult an attorney if needed. Most will give you a free consult and you can go from there.
10. Remember what brings you joy. Your loved one would not want you to be unhappy forever. The grief will come in waves (sometimes very strong waves). It will begin to ease over time even if it doesn't feel like it now.

As that quote goes... "How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."